I decided to put my story in this group because i looked at other groups saying im struggling with my faith and they all just talk about how they hate God because he allows suffering, but thats not how i feel at all. I really need some help. Basically, i used to be a very strong christian. In my friend group i was "the christian", that was just a widely known fact about me. I went through some mildy tough times, and Jesus was my savior, i got through those things with prayer and faith. But recently, I've really been having problems. I'm just not okay. I've done some less than desirable things and i'm just so guilty. I know everyone says God will love you no matter what, but I just have a hard time truely believing that. I don't even love myself so how am i gonna believe that someone else does. I really want to have faith in God but I just can't bring myself to it. Its been awhile since I've been to church, and basically my whole life is falling apart. I know the only way I'll be able to get through this is with God, but its so hard. I think one of my biggest problems is that when difficult things had presented themselves, I didn't turn to God, I turned to self midication. (i won't get into what exactly but lets just say that includes many of the undesirable things i said i did) So when hard times come i turn to others things to help me, and they worked for a while, but its not enough and everything is caving in around me. I want to believe God will forgive me, and i want to be able to stop sinning and doing bad things, and i need help.