I Live My Faith

I've been to all different kinds of churches and more denominations than I care to remember.  I've met people who are completely sold out to Jesus and have very little traces of any worldliness in their lives.  I've met people who are Christians by word only, yet have no basic understanding of salvation.

When I gave my life to Christ at 20 years old, I was living with the father of my child and had another baby already on the way.  I left the relationship to pursue God and though I hated being a single mother, God surely blessed my life and gave me all that I needed and then some.

Through the years, I've wandered around to different places desperately hoping to find others with an earnest desire to experience real power and joy and love that is only obtained through relationship with the Lord.  I've been let down and hurt more as a Christian than I ever was out in the world.  Yet something in me just cannot return to the world, it holds nothing at all that interests me. 

After a horrific experience with a church that was more of a cult than a haven of worship, I decided to become unchurched.  A week after this decision, an old friend offered me alcohol.  I put it in my fridge for a few weeks, forgetting all about it.  One day I saw it and decided to see what it would do for the anguish I was in.. block it out fo a while, I hoped.  I took a sip and spat it into the sink, then tipped the rest down, too.  I just knew that it was definantly not a part of my life anymore and hadn't been for such a long time.  I just didn't have any desire for the things I used in the world to give me that lift I needed to feel better, or stop feeling so much.  I knew that whatever I faced was going to be sober-minded, painful, and necessary to keep walking with God.

I've seen and heard so much as a Christian.  I've watched people walk away from God over what other people did to harm their lives.  I've seen people lose their testimony over wrong choices trying to be popular with the in-crowd.  I've been lied to, lied about.  I've been told I intimidate men, that's why I am alone, because I'm actually living what I believe and not bending God's rules to suit myself or spreading my legs or accompanying "friends" to bars and other filthy places Satan is lurking and waiting to attack our weakened defences in.  I worship God because I LOVE Him and I am told I am "too holy" to be approached by those who believe they are less.  That one really hurts me a lot, how can I relinquish my thirst for a deeper relationship with my creator in exchange for the love of another.  I am an imperfect person myself and don't judge others, yet am seen as untouchable.  How can I apologise for that?  I won't.

Apart from that, I'm often told I'm someone people can tell anything.  I've heard some stories that would make people's toes curl, maybe even their blood boil.  I see everyone as being someone with the potential to be a resident of Heaven, and give of myself as much as I am able to love them into that place.  It often works against me and I end up used and hurt.  But it's always worth getting up and trying again.  You never know when you will find that 100th person that will accept Christ and allow Him to turn their life around.

Watching people find Jesus and go through that first love experience is so exciting.  We are always reminded of our own, and their joy is so radiant and contagious.  But after seeing so many go through that and then just walking away or not making any life changes, it can become more of a habit and the awe of a new babe in Christ doesn't spark our fire like it used to.  That's one thing I never want to lose, the love for new Christians.  I hate seeing them hurt or offended or wounded by people who have been warming pews much longer.  I wish I could have some friends who are determined to make it with God, no matter what the cost.  So many give up so easy, and push you away when you're standing on the edge of the cliff yourself pulling them up with all your might.  We can't give up, and we can't use the name of Jesus to declare our faith in Him if it isn't real!

People who call themselves Christian but don't live it annoy me senseless.  They want to argue over doctrine, yet don't apply any of it to their life.  They judge everybody else and claim everybody else is wrong - if they had all the answers, wouldn't their life be fulfilled and they be out spreading the good news?? lol  They don't glorify God, in fact, they turn people off with their argumentative ways.  They annoy me but they also cause me to somehow want to love them too, because under every whiner lays a hurting person who needs the touch of the Master's hand to penetrate their lives.

I wouldn't trade being a Christian for anything in the world.  I don't really fit into any particular "denomination" or group any more.  I just love people and want to see as many of them darken the doorway to Heaven as possible, my life is not about ME, it's for Gods glory.

wavystarz wavystarz
31-35, F
5 Responses Jul 16, 2007

I haven't been in a church or Bible study for over 16 years since God used humiliation to get me out of this false religion of Christianity. I was very angry with him at the time because I loved it all but now I understand everything since I've been in his spirit for the last year and a half. Now he has me preaching him to whoever will listen. <br />
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This gospel isn't like the false gospel used in Christianity. The gospel they use is a dead Jesus who died 2,000 years ago but the Romans made him look like he came alive and float up into the clouds. They made Christians believe that he's coming back in the same way.<br />
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But the truth is that only the spirit of Christ continued to live on after the flesh of Jesus died and turned back to the dust of the earth like all other flesh has. This is the spirit who comes to live in those people who listen to the spoken Word and obey his commands. Everyone else will remain a sinner in spiritual death and die their second death during this age. Most of them already died in the flesh and all others will die during the destruction of this earth to wipe out all evil in their minds.<br />
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You are a very religious person but this is because of the religious beast in your mind who keeps you from the truth of the spirit. He uses your pride to make you feel like you know his god better than anyone else. His god is the Jesus coming in the clouds and one you see in sculptures, paintings, pictures, statues, etc. This is the Jesus who lives in the imaginations of Christians but no one can get to know this Jesus because he doesn't exist.<br />
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The real Jesus is in his spirit who no one can see but if you listen to him in the Word being preached by a saint, then you can find him as he reveals himself to you when he sees your heart is right for him. No one can decide to be a Christian. That's up to God who sees your heart while you listen to him. He knew you long before creation and that's when he chose all his people to be created in the spirit of Jesus Christ. So if your one of his, you will listen to the truth I preach. Otherwise you are not from God.<br />
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God bless you,<br />

Thank you for sharing your story. I think that it’s great how your faith is based on Christ -not on other 'Christians'. When people look at 'Christians' for their salvation, they will be disappointed! <br />
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Only God gives you everything you need!

Those people that are "Christian" on Sundays and not any other day, are hypocrites. Right? I fall every day, smoke cigarettes, pot and alcohol very rarely but does happen. And when I do, I myself more and more each and every time. I always think about God and Jesus' salvation, what I keep doing to him on that cross. I have no way out. Only Jesus! I may have struggled 5 years with the world, but even though I may go to church only Sundays, smoke every day, and drink, I listen to christian music 24/7. I think about my creator, and I pray in tongues. I may be very quiet and often kept to myself, but I'm also tired of people calling me a hypocrite. I know one of these days I will just get so freaken disgusted and saved out of this world no matter what "christians" who seek and pray every day might think of me or the people who are like me. I pray, I fast, I seek, and I cry, know one knows. All you know and the other people are that I am a christian on sunday for 3 hours if not less, and I'm back into the world. I am a sinner but I know Jesus is holding my hand and helping me move forward with his love, patience, and kindness. And we shouldn't judge the ones who are christians on sundays and arent hungry or thirsty for the Lord, but we should continue praying for them in Jesus' name.

Alll that stuff is in your head.But Thats just my opinion. The muslim feels the totality of his or her faith but to you and you to him/her they got the wrong one. I myself feel quite a bit of pain for being condemned to suffer for all eternity by other mere mortals because I wont telepathically summon some "THING" to take over my life and completley shun my natural yet honed critical thinking skills. just because of how this process has made somebody "feel" What do all us heathens get if you turn out wrong but there is some sort of afterplace where it could even come up as an issue??? Gee, Sorry? I hope Ill have the ETHICS (screw "morals") to say I forgive you....dummy.

Great testimony. I wholeheartedly agree with you on most every point you've made here. I too am quite annoyed by "Christians" who are content to live their faith only on Sundays between the hours of 9 and noon and then go back to their old lives for the rest of the week. Seems pointless to me -- they're not fooling anyone and they're certainly not fooling God. I can't imagine a calling more exciting or more worthwhile than to simply follow Christ, wherever He may lead. So, keep up the good work, keep spreading the Good Word, and may you be blessed as much as you are a blessing to others!