I should be dead.
There have been so many things that have gone wrong in my life….I’m not sure even why I am still alive, but I do know that God must have a purpose for me!
When I was younger, my family was torn. I had no relatives, no one kept in contact with us, and I was pretty isolated.
When I became a teenager, I went through tremendous amounts of stress constantly. The only time I was happy, was when I was sleeping, or I was alone. I still have tendencies to enjoy being alone, because this is something I am used to.
I hated family. My parents fought constantly or ignored each other. My dad was not understanding, and was quite simply….a jerk 98% of the time.
One time dad threw a board at me…..
Another time the cops came.
I hid under the table while they questioned my dad.
Life was miserable. I gave up wanting to live. I quit doing anything. I even quit eating. I just didn’t care.
I self inflicted a lot of abuse to myself, simply because the pain I felt inside was too much to handle.
I actually enjoyed the pain it caused me. It was just another way of distracting myself from life.
I went through troubles with other people too…I had my heart broken one too many times, and quit trusting people all together.
Church was awful. I hated church because to me it symbolized only hypocrisy. I saw how people acted one way in life, and another in church. To me it was wrong to be a raging abusive maniac one day, and act like a saint the next.
But something happened…..
I don’t remember the exact day or moment ion time when God came near to me. I had been a Christian before, but had drifted away from all the problems of life. Finally after years of trouble, He became real again. His love amazes me and is a bit confusing too because I don’t know why He loves me so much.
My life still has trouble….I have to go through many of the troubles I’ve always had. But strangely, they don’t bother me too much any more.
I shouldn’t even be here now….some of the things I’ve gone through were so awful.
I don’t know why God saved me.
But I am thankful He did.
I know He is concerned with who you ARE, not with what you do.