He Cares

I should be dead.

There have been so many things that have gone wrong in my life….I’m not sure even why I am still alive, but I do know that God must have a purpose for me!

When I was younger, my family was torn. I had no relatives, no one kept in contact with us, and I was pretty isolated.

When I became a teenager, I went through tremendous amounts of stress constantly. The only time I was happy, was when I was sleeping, or I was alone. I still have tendencies to enjoy being alone, because this is something I am used to.

I hated family. My parents fought constantly or ignored each other. My dad was not understanding, and was quite simply….a jerk 98% of the time.

One time dad threw a board at me…..

Another time the cops came.

I hid under the table while they questioned my dad.

Life was miserable.  I gave up wanting to live. I quit doing anything. I even quit eating. I just didn’t care.

I self inflicted a lot of abuse to myself, simply because the pain I felt inside was too much to handle.

I actually enjoyed the pain it caused me. It was just another way of distracting myself from life.

I went through troubles with other people too…I had my heart broken one too many times, and quit trusting people all together.

Church was awful.  I hated church because to me it symbolized only hypocrisy. I saw how people acted one way in life, and another in church. To me it was wrong to be a raging abusive maniac one day, and act like a saint the next.

But something happened…..

I don’t remember the exact day or moment ion time when God came near to me. I had been a Christian before, but had drifted away from all the problems of life. Finally after years of trouble, He became real again. His love amazes me and is a bit confusing too because I don’t know why He loves me so much.

My life still has trouble….I have to go through many of the troubles I’ve always had. But strangely, they don’t bother me too much any more.

I shouldn’t even be here now….some of the things I’ve gone through were so awful.

I don’t know why God saved me.

But I am thankful He did.

I know He is concerned with who you ARE, not with what you do.

stormynightsky stormynightsky
22-25, F
3 Responses Feb 19, 2009

Very powerful story! I noticed one thing you said though:<br />
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"He really is the only one who really loves me, but that’s ok, because He is all I need."<br />
<br />
I'm sure He loves you more than anyone else does, but I love you as a friend and a brother in Him. I'm sure many others feel that way too.

How God came near….<br />
<br />
To be honest with you it is another long story….<br />
<br />
It’s hard to explain, but I’ll do my best…..<br />
<br />
~.~.~.~.~.~.~<br />
<br />
I was in a long-distance relationship with someone who really loved me, and who I loved too….<br />
I was a bit of a rebellious and sad girl at the time -I had fallen away from God and was not living the right way. This relationship, though it seemed good at the time, really was not based on the right things. <br />
<br />
After knowing this guy for about two and a half years, I took a trip away from my town for a few months -working with a crew in another state….We still kept in touch for the first couple of months while I was gone though -on the phone and through email. Then I found out he wanted us to get married. I was shocked and didn‘t say yes or no, but that I would think about it.<br />
<br />
While I was on my trip I had so many eye-opening experiences….and during that time I also did some inadvertent soul searching. I prayed like I never had before….with meaning….asking God to show me if this person was the one I was to be with.<br />
<br />
That was the last I heard from the guy. I didn’t hear from him again. I tried emailing him, and received no response…..nothing, he was just gone. <br />
<br />
Months passed, and one day I heard a story from a friend. Her friend had cancer, and was near death. There was nothing else that could be done for her, she was going to die.<br />
<br />
Just when it seemed there was no hope for her she cried to God for mercy and forgiveness. <br />
He forgave her, and showed his love for her. Not only that, but the next day her cancer began it’s remission. She completely recovered, against all odds.<br />
<br />
The same day I heard this, I randomly checked my email. There was a letter from my long lost friend! <br />
After nearly a year, he emailed me again.<br />
<br />
He said that he was sorry for disappearing like he did, but that he just couldn’t write to me. <br />
He said that he never meant to leave me so many months ago but there was something that suddenly stopped him from writing me, and every time he would try to write something, he couldn‘t finish it.<br />
<br />
Suddenly it was clear to me. Everything that I had been through made sense.<br />
Just like the girl with the cancer, God was waiting for me to return to Him, and even though I had to go though pain to reach that point….it worked out for good in the end.<br />
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I now know that there was a reason for our going separate ways, and even though my heart was broken at the time, the relationship would have never made it on a more serious level. He did not love God like I did, and God didn’t want us together. God uses experiences to draw us to Him, I know that He does…that’s what happened to me<br />
<br />
Ever since that time, I know that God loves me because when I ask Him for guidance, and direction he shows me what I should do, and keeps certain situations away from me.<br />
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He loves us, but it’s up to us whether or not we accept that love.<br />
<br />
He really is the only one who really loves me, but that’s ok, because He is all I need.<br />
<br />
~.~.~.~.~<br />
<br />
I hope this story makes sense, I tried!

"But something happened.....God came near to me"<br />
What happened? How do you get it to happen? I also say your story is almost like mine, but only as far as that line. To be honest it's kind of a depressing story for me, I just always felt empty, but could never believe. Always felt jealous of those who have some belief, something to hold on to. I just feel alone.