A Tale Of A Has-been Righteous ****

Romans 1:18-23

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man—and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things.

Romans 1:28-32

And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.

The other day I opened up my Bible to Romans. There was no particular reason; this is the book that just happened to be exposed upon opening the Bible. Sometimes, especially when going through trials, it can be extremely difficult to not think of how Scripture applies to someone else, namely someone who has offended you. I realized where my mind had drifted and stopped reading, because I simply could not stop thinking of how these particular Scriptures applied to someone who has greatly offended me. I am not so sure I would even describe this process as drifting. I must have intended to find a reason to justify my hurts. I prayed for wisdom and God’s will for my life, and then continued in Romans chapter 1, then read it again.

Yes, it must be for my offender, for he is all of these things. He is headed to destruction. I knew it all along. The truth is if I had cared, I would have had sorrow for this person. I am to love my neighbor as myself, correct? So I read the chapter a third time. I asked myself which of those descriptions fit me. For starters, I am greatly offended and hoping to find some justification for my hurt feelings. The biblical definition of forgiveness does not match this description. So I am unforgiving. I opened the good book for selfish reasons. I was not glorifying God. I am full of envy, deceit, not thankful, untrustworthy, and unloving. This is a big eye opener.

I am not being hard on myself. I am being honest. I continue to ask God to help me pull the plank out of my own eye. I never want to look for man’s approval again. In my weakness, I am not sure I will achieve that, but I am dedicated to changing. I do not want to be a person who is always thinking of herself. I want the goodness of God in my life and I want Him to be able to use me. I think a turning point comes when people admit their faults. When you expose yourself, you allow God’s hand into your life. I do not want to be these things. Seeing the error of my ways helps me to see what I am not. I am not perfect and most definitely in need of a savior.

I am thankful He gave me these Scriptures and not my offender. Where is spiritual growth if I offend my offender?  What happened to having a love that bears all things? This is one long road I have chosen to take. I know there are so many lessons that must be learned along the way. I am certain I can walk the path and the fiery darts will attack, but the shelter of my protection will not allow them to penetrate. I am certain I can walk the path and not be shaken. God can use me in my weakness as long as I follow Him. Perhaps He will ask me to pick weeds along the way, or splint the leg of a hurt lamb, or sweep debris that settled from a storm. Whatever He does ask of me, I want to make sure that I am available.

I never again want to look like the real deal, but secretly hide myself from people so they will never know me. I want to labor in the kingdom of God, and when I stumble there will be another working alongside me to help me up. Coming out from my cave was a bit intimidating. The light was bright and I was not sure if I would be able to stand it. I am here basking in the power of His might. How amazing is our God, who can comfort me in my time of sorrow. I am unable to see a way around this dark cloud, but as He firmly holds my hand, I know I will make it through. That is hope.


lifeorregret lifeorregret
31-35, F
Feb 12, 2010