Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Clowns Are Scary

When I was a kid, despite my mother’s history of being abused, she occasionally left me to stay with my grandparents. Apparently, she minimized her childhood in her head. That’s the only way that I can really comprehend why she would even think of leaving me alone there. It just happened to be the house she grew up in, which is even creepier, because I knew some of what happened in those rooms.  Anyhow, I stayed the night there on occasion when my mother didn’t have a baby sitter and then again for about a month when I was 11 because my mother went into rehab while pregnant with my brother.

My grandfather was a scary man. He was 6’ 6” and naturally huge. All the men on my mother’s side of the family are huge. They wear xx and xxx sizes and they are not fat. They are just big. My Grandfather was a chain smoker and said **** a lot. If you walked in front of the tv you had to duck down not to mess up his view, because he’d yell in his deep voice, “Get the **** outta the way!”  He was always really ugly to my grandmother too. So, that will forever be my image of him. I’ll always see him as the mean old scary looking man that sat in his rocking chair, flicking his cigarette ashes on the floor for my grandmother to clean up, with a scowl in his face, yelling sentences with the word **** at people.

My grandmother was a sweet woman, but very much a doormat. It’s sad, I know. Well, her little reprieve from my grandfather was the spare room. She got into a hobby of collecting clowns. She had hundreds of them in this spare room.  I guess to her, going into that room made her happy. This was not the same for anyone else, especially me.  The mixture of knowing the family history of what happened in that house and my scary grandfather made that room very creepy.

When I would stay there, my grandmother would have me sleep in her clown room. She’d say it like it was some sort of special gift to me allowing me to sleep in her special room. Even though that room scared the **** out of me, I didn’t want to tell her so, because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

When I’d sleep in there, I’d pull the covers tight around my body, making sure the covers were tight under my feet. I wouldn’t want those clown teeth biting off my toes you know…lol.  Then I’d pull the covers over my head. I guess in my imagination, they couldn’t get me if I did so. Sometimes beyond those covers, I’d feel like something was right there next to me.  Sometimes I’d peak above the covers and I swear the clowns moved!

To this day, I have this thing about having the bedding tucked under my feet. I can’t sleep with my feet exposed.  I even do it in my sleep. While I’m sleeping I keep pulling the covers under me with my feet, which causes me to steal all the covers.

The movie the Exorcist didn’t scare me. Most scary movies don’t scare me, but if the movie has clowns in it, it scares the hell out of me. 

Oh and my grandparents were involved in the Moose Lodge.  Guess what my grandfather dressed up as at one of their Halloween parties? A clown! 
RhombusInTheSquare RhombusInTheSquare 36-40, F 8 Responses Jan 26, 2013

Your Response

Cancel

Your story is really sad. It would be even if it happened to an adult.
I felt like I was right there with you and I can see how it can be nightmare material.
Although I can't relate to the experience with your family, I can with keeping your fingers & feet covered during the night. My older sister told me when I was pretty young a witch will come & cut off my fingers & toes during the night if I don't keep them covered. To this day I like my sheets tucked in with my feet tight into the bottom & also pulled up all the way.
I hope it gave you some relief to write this. Thanks for sharing, it's good for me to look at this again. Maybe I'll be able to put it into the proper perspective.

Clowns are strange creatures really. I never really know what to make of them. I am not scared of them, but I can see why someone would be, especially a young child. The make up is grotesque and that odd fixed grin! Not to mention the weird hair and huge feet. Your association with them and your grandmother's house is a recipe for nightmares it sounds like to me!

Yep, I've had my share of clown nightmares as a kid. I still don't like clowns and they creep me out, but I'm old enough to realize what a rational fear and not so rational fear is.

I guess so, but still ... these fears can be deep rooted ... **shivers**

scary

Beautiful written! Thank you for sharing such an interesting story.There are two kind of clowns, I believe.~ The ones who love to bring a smile to others, he would hide own pain and sadness, or the ones who are happy laughing when others are in pain. I could guess the grandmother may have tried to be the good one while the grandfather the opposite.

Interesting perspective.

For somebody that likes freaky movies, im a little confused from this story. coming from a female with a scarey abusive gramps i guess it makes a little bit of sense. we can always turn scarey **** into something funny. i thought the exorcist was a ******* comedy. im friends with the son of a famous dead comedian. this writer director by the name of paul wrote some of richards movies. paul owns copyright rights to a black comedy clown act in the early 90s. here recently i gave rich jr and paul a script pitch to bring that clown back in a movie. my ideas were a big hit all the way to the white house for a anti gang project.. the point is that you can turn the clown damage around. google "homie d clown" and watch them comedy clips, yes white people loved homie too. see if that helps. peace. champ.

Aww my heart breaks imagining your going thru all that.... :(
I get serious clown creeps too...I honestly felt a shiver imagining being in that room. I don't even know why they creep me out so bad. I had nightmares after reading Stephen King's book, " It" and then dummy me watched the movie..... creepy...all of them....It's one of the main reason's I never wanted to eat McDonald's as a kid....Ronald creeped me right out....

I thought Ronald was creepy too! As a matter of fact, when I read the book It, I imagined Ronald with sharp teeth and yellow eyes..lol. The clown in the movie was creepy, but the movie in general I thought was silly compared to the book.

Intense. So you are not down with the Insane Clown Posse, even if they weren't a bunch of losers. :-)

No, they are some creepy looking dudes....lol. I didn't like their music either.

Weird is good, but if I remember right they had some racist stuff. I might be getting them mixed up with another band though.

Don't remember exactly, just their whole demeanor, and that of their fans, turned me off.

Boy this story got off track, look, a squirrel. ;-)

Aww, how cute. I better lock up the husky. He likes to do to them like he does to cats. I wouldn't want him staining his pretty white fer. *giggles* now we are way off track.

She might wanna stay out of my yard :-/ .

Both your milkshakes bring all the boys (and girls) to the yard. ;-) That and hairless kitties.

*giggles* Grabs Goodlittlegirl and does a little dance for Ineedadrink.

Yeah baby, yeah!

6 More Responses

I am sorry you had these experiences. It is one of those things for me that I sympathize with, but have never really been able to relate to.

Thanks, I'm ok....really. No worries. I guess I don't realize how things sound traumatic to others that haven't had those experiences.

It wasn't the trauma I can't relate to, it the fear of clowns.....that always makes me scratch my head...even though it is coupled with trauma...

aw, I see :-).