Relieved To Know What Is Wrong With Me

First off I have been in and out of counseling since I was 14 and am now 20. I just found out today after all these years that I am co-dependent. I came from a family that was ran by my mother that worked three jobs and was taking classes at NWTC. My father died when I was four and me being the oldest took over the parent role at 11. My brother and sister had behavioral problems so my mom would be involved with them the best she could which left no time for me at all. I was the only one that excelled in school but the only one that didn't get the attention that I needed. After working over 12-16 hours most days she would come home angry and take it out on me. To this day, even though I understand the stress she was under, I still have resentment. I believe the lack of attention from my mom and not having a father has made me this way. I also grew up and am still witnessing my mom be co-dependent with my brother. He will not amount to anything if she doesn't stop but it's easier looking at someone else's problems and hiding your own. I'm now a 20 year old mom and college student. My relationship is dysfunctional just like I've had in the past. Except my current boyfriend and I had a baby. My previous relationship from 14 to 18 years old  was filled with physical and mental abuse and after I finally got out after four years I told myself I'd never go back to something like that again. Four months later I did and justified it by telling myself that there wasn't as much physical abuse just a lot of mental and emotional abuse so it was all right, which I finally realized is worse. He has broken me down from where I left off previously, which I didn't think was possible because my self esteem was already so slow. He cheated on me with three different girls during my pregnancy and blamed it on me because of my attitude and I started to believe it was me. Our son is now ten months old I have postpartum and finally found out that I am co-dependent. I take care of the baby and ask him to and if he doesn't look like he's going to move I do it just like house cleaning. Postpartum makes it a lot worse and there have been days when I try to think about my son and suicidal thoughts still run through my head. I'm now getting help so I'm not so worried I would just like some advice from people who have lived or live with co-dependency and how they are dealing with it.

gavinsmommy09 gavinsmommy09
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 30, 2010

I've also come to terms with the fact that I'm co-dependent. Same history... really busy parents ect... Actually I was alerted to it a couple of years ago, but one of my dear friends said not to worry "wer'e all co-dependant". Now all of a sudden it's dawned upon me how devestating this condition can be. I've suffered a bad relationship/marriage for 14 years, couldn't get out because of my fear of being alone and my fantasy of a "happy family" . When I finally divorced 6 years ago , only 6 months later I had a new girlfriend. I knew this girl wasn't "the one" but I so needed "happy family" I moved in with her. It lasted 3 years before I moved out.... 6 months later I'm in another relationship. This time I'm head over heals" madly in love with my current gilfriend. She treats me like ****. I should leave her but I'm so scared of being single again I can't do it. She leaves me with regular monotony but always comes back to me. I don't know why. I'm now battling anxiety ba<x>sed depression-My anxiety...The fear of being alone...Slowly but surely I'm finding "myself" I learning to be happy on my own, and if my girl doesn't call me I try not to freak out anymore. I'm getting a new round of counselling soon and I'm hoping to break free and just be happy with me...