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I Will Do Anything For You. I Need You. :(

  I feel like missing every wonderful happening in my life just to please them. Expectations I had been trying so hard to push myself.  I lost myself.  I lost my identity.  It came to me that I had no idea who I am anymore.  I abide by just what my parents and society believes me to be.  I am complying with anyone’s opinion just for me to feel accepted even if I disagree I will just nod my head for affirmation. And it’s because I am trying hard to fill something I don’t have.

Sometimes too, when everything feels so bad and I had lost the last neck to cling to, I seek something out of inanimate thing that can lessen my misery. I found it. My search leads me to refuge on the liquor and my drunken stupor makes me feel oh so good at the moment, just by being numb and unshackle.

 

But now stopped for few weeks, but I am craving for it now because I am in pain…

 

CallmeCamille CallmeCamille 70+ 2 Responses Sep 13, 2009

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It's an awful feeling I don't want anybody to go through. Sorry you felt the same way, I wish you'll get through from this. In time, I know we have to depend to no one.

I'm hearing and feeling exactly that at the moment. It is the only current escape from the extreme pain I have been feeling the last few weeks.<br />
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I go through the days and may find one or two moments when I feel sort of ok...then I wonder, how am I going to get through the rest of the evening.<br />
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I tried taking my xanax (for my bouts of anxiety), but that was not enough. A few drinks later and I am a numb zombie coping with my pain...because I have been swallowing it away.