The hardest part is to admit to yourself who you are. Once you figure it out, that is. I'm a grown man, 55 years old. I'm divorced with 1 son who is 31. I've lived most of my life as a Straight, heterosexual man with some deep, dark secrets.

I was sexually molested as a child, between the ages of 8 and 10. It was the neighbor boy, who was about 15, and who was probably being molested himself, by his own father. As a result of these early experiences, my first sexual experiences were homosexual. Later, as a teenager, I kept finding myself in situations with older men, who mostly just wanted to blow me. I had a girlfriend during high school, but we didn't do anything because we were Christian. I lost my (Straight) virginity at 19, on my wedding night. I was married from age 19 through age 36. After my divorce, I was in a longterm relationship with a woman for 10 years. Ages 40 through 50.

I know for sure that I'm at-the-very-least Bisexual. And I might even be exclusively Homosexual. I haven't been able to determine that yet. I just know that in 2010, when I sucked my second **** ever, and the first one since 1985, it was almost like I heard angelic choirs singing... telling me that THIS is what I was born to do. I've only sucked one more **** since then, in 2013. This year, 2014, I had the first ***** I'd had for about 14 years. It was great, but I kinda felt like a Gay guy who was giving the high hard one to my female lover. She had no complaints, she knew I was Bisexual. It certainly didn't prove to me that I was really Straight. Far from it.
HawkeyeBear HawkeyeBear
56-60, M
2 Responses Aug 20, 2014

Happy for you that your finally being honest with yourself! As with me .... I enjoy sex better with a man... I guess it is fulfilling a female side...but.... the act of climaxing a man is much more sinuous than the organisms of a woman..... or perhaps I just do it better with a man. Anyhow I'm happy for you and your progress.

That's a long time to hold that all in. I have been hiding of a fraction of that and it feels like a lifetime.

Thank you. That's kind of my whole point. I'm not necessarily saying I'm Gay or even Bisexual as a "Dating strategy" per se. I'm coming Out because I'm sick of holding on to these deep dark secrets.

Yea it's hard holding those dark secrets in. They start to eat you alive.