I Am Planing To...

It has been kind of difficult to convince myself that I am bisexual (I'm male), but at this point, I am %100 sure that I am. My next step is coming out to everyone that I feel should know.

Ok, so been looking online at how different people address others of their sexuality. From what I have heard, if someone asks you about your sexuality, and you lie about it, you are only backtracking.

I am trying to come out to my mother first. On a car ride today, the conversation came up with her about me and my relationships. Based on my attitude lately, she seems to think I have a girlfriend that I am hiding from her. I dont, and I asured of that. She then asked, "well are you even still into women?" My immediate response was "yes." She then responded with, "Ok, well I'm glad I havent scared you away from them."

Now I am bisexual, so I wasnt lying when I said I am still into women. But I never said that I was also into men, so I never told her the full truth. (I now regret that I didn't bring it up.)

Did I just backtrack the process of coming out to her?

Also, she said "I'm glad that I havent scared you away from them." Does anyone think that this could lead to her feeling as if she is responsible for my sexuality (when I finally tell her)?

After today, I feel like I made a mistake in my goal. Did I?

Any other tips (for my specific situation) that I should know?

TheARaver TheARaver
18-21, M
13 Responses Mar 15, 2009

I came out first to a dear friend of mine. We are both drug addicts and cleaned up at the same time. She kept asking me out. I finally said, "You know what, it's got nothing to do with you - I'm just not really into women". <br />
The second I told her, I realized that I'd been holding her at a distance, emotionally, so that she would not find out who I really was. In this way I was denying the both of us an opportunity to have real intimacy as friends. Then I realized that I was doing the same thing with all my friends and family. I knew then that I had to come out if was going to be happy. I had to come out in order to have relationships with honesty at their core. Honesty always wins. Principals always win out over circumstance.<br />
Hope this helps.

I too have recently accepted my bisexuality. It was difficult to come to terms with considering that most people see the world in terms of gay or straight. I have told many friends and even the homophobic ones have been very accepting and supportive. <br />
<br />
Good luck with your parents. I am still not quite sure how to tell mine, tho i recently told my brother who was surprised but accepted me.

I too have recently accepted my bisexuality. It was difficult to come to terms with considering that most people see the world in terms of gay or straight. I have told many friends and even the homophobic ones have been very accepting and supportive. <br />
<br />
Good luck with your parents. I am still not quite sure how to tell mine, tho i recently told my brother who was surprised but accepted me.

OMG the same thing happened to me the other day! I've been having the biggest difficulties with coming out to my mom.... Just two days ago she read some of a story I had written about a Bisexual Girl without my knowing it. <br />
Afterward she asked me if we needed to talk about, "girls kissing girls" were her exact words. <br />
I immediatly reassured her that it wasn't an issue and then she said, "I just know that 14 was one of my hardest years" <br />
My main concern is that if I tell her now she'll think that it's just a phase and blow me off. Or worse think I'm just going through teen drama and will send me to a physco hospital.....

OMG the same thing happened to me the other day! I've been having the biggest difficulties with coming out to my mom.... Just two days ago she read some of a story I had written about a Bisexual Girl without my knowing it. <br />
Afterward she asked me if we needed to talk about, "girls kissing girls" were her exact words. <br />
I immediatly reassured her that it wasn't an issue and then she said, "I just know that 14 was one of my hardest years" <br />
My main concern is that if I tell her now she'll think that it's just a phase and blow me off. Or worse think I'm just going through teen drama and will send me to a physco hospital.....

I think Tomtom was right when he said your mom was just joking, although parents allways instinctly feel responcable every choice that their kids make. Good or Bad. Not saying this is a choice but you get the point. I get the impression that you have a good relationship with her(i could be wrong,but I hope not) <br />
<br />
When I came out to my mom, she never said that she felt respocable for it, but I/m sure it it jumped into her mind at some point. Her intitial feeling was fear of what I might have to face from society, ie prejudice and bigotry, but she got over that pretty quick too.<br />
<br />
Trust your insticts and take your time....It'll work out.

I think Tomtom was right when he said your mom was just joking, although parents allways instinctly feel responcable every choice that their kids make. Good or Bad. Not saying this is a choice but you get the point. I get the impression that you have a good relationship with her(i could be wrong,but I hope not) <br />
<br />
When I came out to my mom, she never said that she felt respocable for it, but I/m sure it it jumped into her mind at some point. Her intitial feeling was fear of what I might have to face from society, ie prejudice and bigotry, but she got over that pretty quick too.<br />
<br />
Trust your insticts and take your time....It'll work out.

when i read ur story i could remember everything i went thru its hard and very difficult i know it is i juss hope things went good for u. If u havent told ur mother i juss wana tell u something my mom told (no matter wat a child does good or bad a mothers love is always there it never runs out her support is always there for u wat ever u wish to do wit ur self.) when she had told me that i was in shock i was very scared to tell her but it felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. well if u feel like u wana talk to me juss rite to me i can truly say that i know wat u went tru and wat ur going tru. so if any thing im here to talk and listen.

I find the best way to share personal details about your life with those you love is in a simple, straight forward manner. 'Fess up, step back, give them room to assimilate what you've just told them, and then get on with life. Is it possible not everyone will pat you on the back with encouragement? Sure, but doing the right thing the right way is all that's required.

LawRaJayne,<br />
I appreciate the reply, and I understand that you might think this is just a phase, but it is most definitely not. I am %110 confident that I am bisexual. There was a point when I was still a little uncomfortable about the idea of me being this way, but now I am fully aware and fully confident in myself. It is just my relationship with family and friends that I worry about.<br />
<br />
<br />
nrcsguy,<br />
I have chosen my mother to tell first, because I feel MOST confident in what her reaction will be. I am not exactly thrilled about what anyone I know has to say, but I feel that some must know. And I feel that my mother should know first. Also, not to change the topic, but telling my father is not really an option, because he died when I was 8.<br />
<br />
Thanks for the comments everybody, though

why is it the first person you need to tell is your mom? Why can't it be the dad?

you should do what makes you happy. it is going to be difficult, it probably won't get any easier.<br />
But just like AndrewPenney said, getting some experience under your belt wouldn't go a miss. that way you'll know for sure that you are bisexual. instead of telling everyone, making the fuss, then changing your mind. it's best to know for sure. at your age, it could just be a phase. I'm not saying it is, but it might be, and you won't really know until you get that experience.<br />
I wish you all the best.

Well you should tell your mom when your ready. It sounds like she might already know. Im sher she was just joking when she said that. tell her and other people (if your planning) when your ready and you think it is the right moment.