Post

I Am Left Handed!

I am left-handed.

 

I was born left-handed, but everyone else in my family and most of my friends are right-handed.  Some of them noticed the difference, but didn’t say anything about it to me.  I noticed the difference too, but didn’t know what to make of it.

 

When I was young, it didn’t matter much.  Everyone treated me the same, but as I neared puberty, I started to feel uncomfortable about being different from everyone else, so I decided the only thing to do was to be right-handed.  It was strange and difficult and felt wrong, but I struggled through it.  It got easier the more I used it and everyone around me was more accepting of me since I was now right-handed, just like they were.

 

In high school, I kept vigilant about my right-handedness and moved forward with my life.  Occasionally I would see a left-handed person and be quietly jealous, but when my friends made fun of them for being left-handed, I didn’t mention it.

 

Soon I met a man who liked me a lot.  He was right-handed and asked me to marry him.  I had accepted that right-handed was what I was supposed to be, so I married him.  Sometimes I had to hide my left hand behind my back because I wanted to use it, but I was ashamed and afraid of what others would think, so I didn’t.

 

Soon it was apparent that my right hand didn’t fit his right hand and we divorced.  I thought there must be something wrong with his right hand.

 

After a few years, I found another right-handed man who liked me even more and I married him.  Now, our hands fit pretty well together, not quite perfect, but I was willing to accept that.  Several years later he found another right-handed person that he liked better and we divorced.

 

This time I decided I would be very careful about finding a right-handed spouse since, of course, all right-handed people are supposed to be married to a right-handed person.  I waited a long time and found another right-handed man that liked me and I felt lucky to find him because I wasn’t sure I would ever find a right-handed man that fit with my right hand.  Several years later he decided he didn’t like my right hand anymore and we divorced.

 

I was left feeling broken and somehow at fault.  At first I thought there must be something wrong with these right-handed men, but after three tries and failures, I decided that there was something wrong with MY right hand.

 

I did a lot of thinking after that.  I thought about my left hand, too, but didn’t tell anyone.  No one would understand if, suddenly, after all these years, I told them I was left-handed.  They would think I was crazy or confused or, worse yet, that I was FAKING being left-handed.  So I said nothing and continued pretending to be right-handed.

 

A few years later I made a friend with someone new in town.  We talked and laughed and had a fun time together.  One day, I saw her using her LEFT hand.  I was shocked.  She was using it in front of people and wasn’t worried about them seeing her.  I didn’t say anything about it to her, but I was jealous.  I wanted to use my left hand, too. 

 

The more time we spent together, the more relaxed I was about her and her left-hand.  Some people would comment or say hurtful things behind her back, but most just accepted that she was left-handed and went on.

 

One day I got the nerve to whisper to her that I was left-handed, too.  She was a little surprised because I had done such a good job pretending to be right-handed, but she was glad that I had decided to tell her.  She also told me that I could be left-handed around her and it would be okay.  That made me happy.

 

After I had built up the courage to tell her, I told another close friend, who was right-handed.  I wondered if she would still be my friend.  She was very surprised and told me I had done a really good job pretending to be right-handed.  She also told me that she was still my best friend, no matter what hand I chose to use.

 

Soon, people started to notice that I had a left-handed friend and they started to wonder if, maybe, I was left-handed, too.  At first this scared me because I didn’t know how they would act or if they would still be my friends or, heaven forbid, that my family might hear that my friend was left-handed.  But, to my amazement, most people only talked about it for a little while, then stopped.

 

In the meantime, I started to get to know other people who were left-handed.  Most of them had been using their left-hand, openly, since they were young.  It was hard for me to understand how they felt so comfortable using their left-hand in public.  I had always felt that it was wrong to do so.  Some of them told me stories about when they were younger and people would make fun of them being left-handed.  It was very hurtful.  Some had even lost family members who could not accept that they were left-handed.

 

This made me start to think about my own family.  How would my family feel about it if I told them I was left-handed?  Would they understand?  I decided to tell one family member and see how it went.

 

He took it very well and told me he was glad that it made me happy to be left-handed.  He knew several left-handed people and didn’t think it was such a big deal.  This made me very happy.

 

Next, I thought I would try telling my mom.  I was sure that she wouldn’t understand, so I introduced her to a few of my left-handed friends first, just to see how she reacted.

 

She was quite friendly to them, but once asked me, privately, if I knew they were left-handed.  I told her I knew they were left-handed and that it did not matter to me.  She said it didn’t matter so much to her, either.  This also made me happy.

 

One day, I was sitting with my mom and I decided to tell her that I was left-handed.  It took a lot of courage, but I felt like I had to tell her because I didn’t want to hide it anymore.  At first, I think she was confused.  Or maybe she thought I was confused.  We started talking about my right-handed spouses and how I pretended to be right-handed then.  We also talked about how long I had known I was left-handed.  She even asked me if I thought someone had MADE me left-handed.  I told her no one had and that I had known all my life I was left-handed.

 

She then asked me if she ever made me feel like the right-hand was the only hand to use.  I told her she had not directly made me feel that way, but it seemed implied all my life, so I just did it.  I was a dutiful daughter and didn’t want to upset anyone by using my left hand.

 

She told me she loved me no matter which hand I used.  She also told me she was glad it made me happy to be left-handed.  How exhilarating it was to be in my mid-thirties and suddenly feel like it wasn’t the end of the world that I was left-handed.

 

So my journey begins; one of peace and discovery and happiness……just being left-handed.

I am left-handed! 

GraceinOK GraceinOK 36-40, F 10 Responses Apr 4, 2010

Your Response

Cancel

This was a really great story and zoo inspirational I'm am trying to come out of the closet and this was just what I needed to hear to know that not everybody is going to be totally understanding of what I am but I also need to be confident and accepting that this is how god made me...

Wow this is a brilliant story!<br />
<br />
I am left handed too and I'm so glad I'm not alone.. :)

this could be a handbook for the coming out of the closet people:) very well worded. double kudos:)

I have commented on your story in the past. I would like to thank you publicly about the inspiration that your story gave to me. Your story was the trigger for me to come out to my family. I would like to thank you deeply from the bottom of my heart! <br />
<br />
PS. I have used your metaphor to explain feelings to my family.

I love this story because I think it has an underlining meaning. If you replaced "left-handed" with "bisexual" the story would sound different. A lot of people are against gays from where I live, and it's funny how people are more accepting of left-handed people, but not gays. They are both natural, and we can't help it if we are a lesbian or a left hand. We are born the way we are, and we shouldn't have to hide it. You shouldn't either. <br />
<br />
~Words replaced in story, example!<br />
<br />
One day, I was sitting with my mom and I decided to tell her that I was lesbian. It took a lot of courage, but I felt like I had to tell her because I didn’t want to hide it anymore. At first, I think she was confused. Or maybe she thought I was confused. We started talking about my straight spouses and how I pretended to be straight then. We also talked about how long I had known I was lesbian. She even asked me if I thought someone had MADE me lesbian. I told her no one had and that I had known all my life I was lesbian.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
She then asked me if she ever made me feel like being straight was the only way to go. I told her she had not directly made me feel that way, but it seemed implied all my life, so I just did it. I was a dutiful daughter and didn’t want to upset anyone by being with a girl.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
She told me she loved me no matter which gender I was. She also told me she was glad it made me happy to be lesbian. How exhilarating it was to be in my mid-thirties and suddenly feel like it wasn’t the end of the world that I was lesbian.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
So my journey begins; one of peace and discovery and happiness……just being lesbian.

Wow! Very nice use of language and a clear message of what everyone who is left-handed should face life. I should follow. I' am left - handed as well. I'm very glad that other people such as you which live in different corners of Earth are happy with their hands and their surroundings are comfortable with it. I hope when it's my time to tell them (because I think it is not soon) which hand I'm using they accept me as well. Although I don't know you, I'm happy for you, and your story gives me strength. Thank you. Good luck!

Brilliantly put! <br />
You really capture how it is - I remember trying, for a short while, to be right handed too, which was the most miserable time I've ever been through <br />
Just want to say all the very best for your journey, I know it will lead you to peace and happiness <br />
I'm so happy for you

Thank you for sharing your story.<br />
My advice to anyone is be your self,its your life!!,dont try to be something that your not,dont change yourself for anyone.<br />
As you know you hide the truth for years that your left handed,and tried to change being right handed,because of the reasons that you have said,this made you really un happy.Just be your self and enjoy your life.<br />
Best Wishes

In rural OK, it's very slow going, but so far, it has gone well. Peace be with you, too.

Nice metaphor. It really gets the message across. <br />
I'm glad that people are being accepting of your left-handedness, as they should be.. :)