Well, It Was Interesting? (Attempt 1)

I have R/A and it hurts, alcohol aggravates it. Maybe you should talk to your dad about drinking.

He won't listen. And he smokes, he thinks we can't tell. Number 1 we can smell it. Number 2 on numerous occasions he has left his cigs and lighter out. I almost felt like throwing them away.

If you see this chatting about your desires more as the beginning of a process of communication than a "one shot takes all" kind of thing then the key aspect is whether you make any progress in the right direction, which from my perspective you did just that. So congrads!

And from the sounds of it your mother seems pretty receptive to explore these femme desires with you. The next time you have a chat with your mother (assuming this will occur again) it would be wise to go a little deeper than just desiring to see "how girls clothes feel" moving up to "how you feel inside" that led you to wish to explore this inner softer side of you in an outwards way. It can be hard at first to admit to having softer, more feminine feelings to others, especially to a mother or father, but ultimately you will be taken more seriously if you go the deeper-feelings route. Now that doesn't mean you're "transgender" (which BTW was great for your mom to ask you if you cared for such counseloring for this kind of gender dysphoria so showed she was quite open to this possibility) but instead speak of wanting to explore a wider range of gender expression or artistic expression (might even be interested in drag in the future).

In pursing such desires we have to even go up against our own internal gender barriers which have been ingrained in us, that being feminine or girly is somehow being weak or lessor than a boy is, or that dressing as such is a sign of personal weakness. In fact it's not but takes a greater degree of strength to overcome those social constructs and express our more vulnerable gir-side.

As for your father, you didn't say if he went to work each day or stayed home because of some disability (or out of work). Since you didn't mention that he was at home all day, I will assume he works, thus I still see a lot of opportunity to spend some quality time gender-bending or even dressed as a girl, especially when he's not at home. Just be like Cinderella be ready to switch back to all boy-mode before dad comes home, at least at first.

But as much as dad might look to be a future challenge you're not in a bad position being a second child ...a second son, so as I mentioned in an earlier post, lots of times dad is less concerned about sons that come after a first-born, especially if he is more attached to the first-born son and slightly distant from other sons. So please don't make predictions that dad will be the great-blockade in seeking a fuller expression of yourself, and even in time he may turn out to be somewhat tolerate, even if the rule is "not around him" but so what?

I feel you actually have a good start with your mom if you wish to pursue this interest, and it would be a shame to waste the next three key youthful years of your life, in part as you likely still have a less developed boyish body and face, that makes it so much more easy if you desire to be able to actually pass-as-a-girl in public, as long you don't already have the body of a linebacker.

I also would suggest not being alone in this, and see if there are other gender-benders, or even full blown transgender kids at your school, and make friends with them, in part to get to know these kind people but also so you might try going out and about with them some in public and thus get used to seeing that you CAN express a more femme side and not be beaten up for it.

So take opportunities while you can find them, and don't let fears hold you back. And whatever you do, don't let the initial "shock" of sharing a beginning chat (most of us would feel that to some extent) with your mother deter you from moving forwards, and move forward now rather than later. In the future you won't regret it! Also don't worry about where to live after leaving home as far as community goes, the trans-community is ALL over the place. If you are concerned about having a sufficiently large community just choose a larger city to live in, and check out how publicly active the local community is by checking it online or calling their local LGBT center. As far as housing costs, likely you would be sharing an apartment with someone, one that is open-minded of course or perhaps is trans or gay. Again, such potential roommates would be all over the place, and the more liberal and trans-friendly the better!

You make a lot of good points that I did not think about. Perhaps future talks would be good to have.

Chrissy's reply is so amazingly thorough and thoughtful. She's a great resource that you should keep in mind. A wonderful writer too!

I will Kim. I have been thinking about what to say for my second talk with my mom. And Chrissy has helped.

I will make sure to bring that up to her. I know I should have answered yes to some. I shouldn't have let this slip my mind right before I got home.

She is accepting, on some terms. She did mention that my dad will most likely hate it.

it's kinda difficult being both aware of something inside you that you'd like to be able to do, and still being at home. Some times there's compromises to be made to keep the peace - being aware of the things you like, and wanting them, and accepting that just for now - while you're at home - you may not be able to do them - isn't easy - but may be necessary. It may be something that you can do in your room by yourself, but not out in the open in the rest of the house?

Every situation is unique - so it's hard to offer any advice - but I'd tread carefully especially with your dad. They for the most part don't deal well with their sons being something they see as 'less than masculine' - part of dads wanting their sons to be like them - which isn't always a good thing either.

Just take your time, choose your words - and the timing when you speak them - carefully - and remember that some times the best recourse is just letting things be as they are for now, knowing that later when you're on your own you can change them at that time without causing major complications at home.

I was never really like my dad, I always played video games. he never really did until recently and even then.

I was never like my dad either. You don't have to follow in his footsteps. Just be yourself. Like all others saying here, everything will work out for you.

I hope it will, if not, there is always moving out as soon as I can. Three more years.