I Wish I Tried

I'm scared to get too attached to people. I feel that they will leave me and if I'm not so attached it won't hurt so much. Meeting the guy is fine, having him as just a friend is fine, flirting with him is fine but more than that is a nightmare.

I aways thought it was easier to be the dumper than to be the dumped. I have experienced being rejected and it hurt (the first guy I ever cried over). However, lately I have cried over a second guy, a guy I rejected. I wish I tried even if we wouldn't be together forever, just for that little while we would be together I could have tried. It has been 3 years, he is in another country and I wouldn't even know where to look for him even if I tried - I cannot have him back.

Perhaps if I did meet him again I would still push him away because I cannot help but get into defense mode, the only difference would be that perhaps I would tell him that I am afraid.

Being dumped hurts because you are rejected by someone you wanted, but I guess its better than being the dumper and regretting it because deep down you know that he did want to be with you. Maybe I needed to go through this as an eye opener.

an7ya an7ya
26-30, F
3 Responses Mar 16, 2009

I don't think it is easier being the dumper. I am so wracked with guilt over my last relationship and dumping someone I ve been with for 3 years that I am totally disgusted with myself really.

You know, I never thought of it like that - never placed myself in the position of the other person. I have always had my personal words on encouragement. Things like:<br />
its for best <br />
he will find someone better suited for him<br />
its just too complicated for anything to happen now (the timing) - its good we ended things....<br />
and it goes on. I guess it may have something to do with self love.

Try been a guy, we get dump so much that we can't even count the times. Each day look in the mirror and ask yourself why you keep pushing those that wants to love you away? Then do the first thing anyone will tell you "love yourself first."