I'm In Love With A Comittment Phobe

I'm in love My name is Jorge; 

I am not commitiment phobic, but my girlfriend is.  She was in a 30 year marriage with horrible mental and physical abuse. She started dating me about 1.1/2 years after her separation.

Our first 15  months was blissful and sexual and she called me 'my Babe' and I called her 'my cutie'.

But after 15 months, suddenly she started becoming distant and couldn't say anything nice about me, except when her guard was really down.

Then she told me after a year and a half that she'd been seeing a guy, but only 'as friends'. She said she just wasn't ready for sex and that I deserved someone better.   I said ok, if you want him take him, but leave me out.

She came back to me and left the other guy, but told me she had to be 'free', and that she just couldn't make a comittiment to me.

So I asked her if i could started dating another girl and she told me to be happy and all that, we would remain friends.  But a few weeks later, she told me she spent 3 days in bed crying about losing me.  The next few months, she kept sending me love messages and I could tell she was jealous of my new girlfriend, and hurt.  So I said "Ok, it's you I really love, I only left you because you wouldn't commit to me.  She answered "when did I say that?"

So we got back together.  Things went well for a while, we talked every day on the phone, or saw each other often but after two months she suddenly cut me off, wouldn't take my phone calls, so I stopped calling her.  Then, she started calling me back at least once a week.  Then, we started seeing each other again for two months.  I made sure that she would call me, I almost never called her.  That two months this last October through December was wonderful just like we had always been in the old days.  She told me a couple of the nights we went out 'I love you'.  I told her "you know I love you" and she would say "yes but I don't know why".  She told me I am the only man she trusts, even more than her female friends and she always feels safe with me.

But then, right after Christmas she became distant, I could tell.  She cancelled our new years eve.  We saw each other 3.1/2 weeks ago and it was a wonderful night, but ever since then, I haven't even heard from her.  She's disappeared.  I stopped calling her, but just texted her a couple of times to see if she was ok, and she just said 'yes'.  I wrote her a kind of goodbye letter for her birthday yesterday saying even if we never see each other again,I'll always love her and thank her for the 2.1/2" years we were together.

 That my story.  I've fallen in love with a comittment phobe who loves me, but comes and goes.  It's pure torture.

I know what I need to do but it's just not that easy.  She will probably resurface again.

JorgeV JorgeV
51-55, M
1 Response Feb 11, 2010

=hugs=<br />
if she came back again, tell her you two, go to a psychiatrist. maybe she needs to talk it out. Tell her reasons on why she's commitment phobe and if she's willing to change and make effort to face her fears