Partner In Prison

I barely knew him, we dated for six months, and then I was faced with a decision; wait for him for 5-10 years or walk away. But he became a lot to me. I say I barely knew him because his true problems didn't surface until after he was gone. But I loved him very much. I felt so drawn to him. We'd call eachother cryin because it had been almost a day since we saw eachother. Then he messed up. Alcohol pulled him into one direction and it happened so fast. I didn't know, I didn't see what it meant for someone to be an 'alcholic' and it was too late. I can remember arguing, saying it is starting to make me feel uncomfortable. When he was arrested, I didn't want to face the decision of, go this way or go that way. I wanted to ignore it. Friends and family say it's a waste of time, move on. But you never know what you'd do unless faced with that decision. You feel pulled so tightly to see him through this and remain beside him, but also don't want to be caught up in that feeling of, 'am I making a mistake?' It's been a court trial, and three years since he left me alone. I'm still here, waiting, faithfully, for him to come home. At times I still am struke with the thought of making a mistake. He's an alcholoic/recovering drug user. He could be right back to where he is the very next week he's out. That's scary to think of. But I made a choice to wait, because I believe in him and I love him. I hope I don't have to one day look back on those years of sacrifice as a waste. I have sacrificed so much for him. Will he ever be satisfied with his life? Will he ever be finally ready to leave the pain of his past behind him? Will he accept his mother's death so many years ago and stop running from it? Will he leave me alone again? So many questions run through your head when you miss someone to the core and it hurts to think of them, so you tell yourself to just stop thinking of the memories. It's a diffiicult thing to do. But it's the choice I've made in my life.
saltman4202k5 saltman4202k5
22-25, M
Aug 1, 2010