I Am Completely Hopeless At Human Relationships.

I can't believe its just dawned on me. Mid thirties and my whole life I've struggled with people, family, friends. Its not really romantic relationships Im talking about, I think they are my forte, but its ALL the others.

And its always been like this. I've never gotten on, fitted in, been smooth sailing. I was in trouble with the teachers as soon as I went to school, people have disliked me my whole life. I don't try to hurt people or say provocative things, but wherever I go, whoever I'm with I seem to cause conflict and tension, upset people and have them uspet me. Its like i can have my intention and what I want to happen in an interaction with a person, or group of peopl and they get the totally wrong end of the stick, and tensions are caused and it just goes wrong.

I guess some people are just born bad drivers and can never quite get in flow and annoy those they drive near and have crashes and are nervous and it just never flows. Well me, I'm a great driver (haha) but I'm terrible at people.

This goes for my family too. Its aways so stressful and tense when I am around them, and it has been from day dot, as far back as I can remember. I know they love me and want to help, and I love them too but I can't really handle being around them for long because I just end up tense and stressed.

Thankfully, I have little need for much social interaction. So I'm quite happy to be at home with myself. I do have some friends though, they are usually upset with me and feel offended that I often chose to stay at home and not see them. Tonight I received a text from one of them asking if I am coming to a party in a couple of weeks time and do i want to contribute to the present. Well I was reluctant to answer because I thought whatever I reply here I can just tell its going to be wrong. This probably sounds like the most simple thing to most of you but its like a dancer with 2 left feet; try as I might to navigate out of this siutation without treading on toes, tht is exactly what happened. I replied that I wasn't sure if I could make the party (i have a course coming up and its unsure at the moment if there are enough numbers for it to go ahead) so I asked for the amount of money and bank details for the present. So I get the reply, "don't worry about it, its clearly too much trouble for you" I dont blame this person for saying this, I must have said something to offend them.

Anyway thats my story and that why my best mate is a dog :)


rideonlawnmower rideonlawnmower
36-40, F
1 Response Aug 6, 2010

sometimes its much nicer just staying at home, i have 2 dogs and their love is unconditional and they cause me no problems, people are a different kettle of fish always wanting to know what you are doing and sticking their nose in where its not wanted. anyway i dropped you a line coz i have a ride on mower and its one of my favorite passtimes, mowing that is, a time when all you do is think and dream.