I Can't Stop Thinking Of Him

And I know that our relationship could never work. I feel it.
Yes, I have a boyfriend too. How horrible I am for acting like this... but if this was a big deal and I would really love the other person, I would just break up and go on with the one I love - i said it like it sounds easy...yeah? Bullsh*t

Me and the other guy seem to have a fatal attraction...or whatever my infatuated brain part wants to name it. No matter how hard I try and say "this is the end, pleaaase, let's stop this!", I'm always the one who comes back.
We have built an awesome friendship, this I am sure. He's always at my side and comprehensive even when I try to stop things - serious, last time he thought this was really over and he said I seemed to be really determined about this. I wasn't enough... I end missing talking with him as a friend as much as we try to behave, things always get out of control.

He's an amazing person but we met each other in a wrong time of my life, when I've found the one and the only person that makes sense spending the rest of my life with (and damn, i'm treating him like this?!")

Me and the other guy... we miss something.. which is true love. I will not find it in him, for sure.
His life is stuck in some problems too. I can't help it as much as I try.
Our last date wasn't that magical I guess...as it used to be... we both silently felt like something was wrong but we won't be the first one to speak his mind. Maybe i'm the only one who realized it.
Next day, guess what... I'm idealizing him again. As a wonderful man who I miss a lot.
Brain is a messed up thing.

I try to figure out what does he have that my boyfriend doesn't, what am I really looking for, how could I work this out to get out of this situation... It's stupid to compare both, but my thinking remains to my boyfriend as a "better" person in all aspects for me. Our love is real despite what I'm doing, I don't feel like I love him less, in other hand it even feels like I love him more after this. It's not usual, normally people who cheat tend to get a bit more... careless about their significant other. I tried to work out our relationship even more while I was doing this and spent more time with him than before - no I never spent that much time with my crush.

And that's it, I'm trying again once more to stop this before it's too late. I don't deserve my boyfriend.
CupcakesCake CupcakesCake
26-30, F
1 Response Sep 8, 2012

that's an amazing story