...and It Is So Confusing Now...

  Honestly, I am in the strangest and probably most ridiculous situation.  I met this guy in my sociology class and we hit it off.  We started flirting and everything, hanging out and such, and then about a week later we kissed, and then he asked me out, and we ended up sleeping together.  I didn't really know what to make of that because everything happened so quickly.  I did like him though, and wanted to still hang out with him.  He admitted that he was a player, and that he hits on a lot of girls.  He said that after he sleeps with them, they usually assume that he likes them in that way and that they are dating, which is apparently not the case.  He also sort of has a girlfriend, and she is either incredibly dumb or is seriously not seeing what is very clear.  I am older than the girls that he dates (I am 26) and...lets just say that he is somewhere between 19 and 21.   I am going through divorce, which he knows, and I have a daughter, which he knows.  I'm not emotionally tied up in him, and its because I actually KNOW he is a player.  He tells me everything... He talks about girls that he has hit on and talks about how they all think its a serious relationship.  He will talk about everything and I think he appreciates that I know he is not seriously in to me.  We just connect and really get along.. 

The thing is, he is also being such a good friend to me.  We talk a lot, and a lot of times    we hang out we are just chilling... its not about sex.  A few days ago I was subjected to a horrific situation.  Being fairly new to where I live now, I haven't met a lot of people, and my best friend lives 4 hours away.  I had nobody to turn to and I was devastated.  I texted him about it the morning after it happened and he called to see how I was.  The next time I saw him at school, he saw the physical remains of what had happened and he got mad.  I was telling him how alone I felt, trying to deal with and process what happened to me and having no friends, and he stopped me from talking and just gave me the biggest hug, and held me, and said it was okay.  Then he skipped his next class and sat with me in his truck and held me and talked to me,  and then just drove around with me to talk and help me relax.  The really amazing thing that he did was share something immensely private about himself, to help me see that I would get through it.  I thought it was so kind of him because its definitely not something that he would tell any random person. 

In addition to that, when we have sex, it is incredible.  Our bodies are such a perfect match and he gets me, and I get him.  It is absolutely amazing.  I got a hotel room recently and he came and spent several hours with me and we had the most amazing, amazing time...  He said that he had never gone that long before.  And it wasn't just all sex.  We would cuddle and talk and laugh and have fun in between our...encounters...   The other night we were chilling out, and we started joking around and started kissing.  It was so much more (to me, I guess) than just kissing, though.  There is some intensity behind it when we are getting to that point.  Its like we connect on a really deep level because it sends sparks through both of us. In fact, even though we didn't have sex, we did get pretty heated, and he was just holding me so close and saying....damn...   over and over again.   Like, it was seriously that intense...  We so wanted to rip each others clothes off.  We hold each other, stare in to each others eyes, and kiss so passionately.  It feels so real...  And yet I know that he has a little black book, and he goes to a lot of parties and hooks up with other girls, AND he has a girlfriend!  

So, I mean, as a player, do they have those types of connections with all of the girls that they sleep with?  Could it be that even though we will likely never be exclusive, that he maybe feels something for me, based on some of these experiences?  It is definitely more than just straight up hooking up for sex.  We connect.  But... does he connect like this because he is a player or because there really, truly is a spark?

I was doing well with dealing with the infatuation...but then I just started wondering... COULD there be something, even though I know he isn't exclusive?  AAAHHHH......!

noworries216 noworries216
26-30, F
Feb 21, 2010