I guess the title describes my feeling best in the most basic way possible. I will expand, trust me. It all started towards the end of last year, when my husband of MANY years decided to have an affair with a married co-worker. He spend hundreds of dollars on fancy lunches, gifts, bar tabs all on credit. He was always home at a normal time except twice. Not that any of this matters, see I thought we were happy. We have two teenagers, we had just come back from our second family trip of the year which was filled with laughter, fun, and good natured teasing. My husband and I even had our own time together, that was awesome.

Not long after we returned something changed. He acted different. It all came out when we were out to dinner with friends and his phone beeped. I picked it up and read the raunchy e mails he had been texting back and forth with this co-worker. My ENTIRE world shattered. I think I could hear it, it had to be the worst moment of my life, other than being notified of my Fathers death as a teenager.

That's the background. We have been "working on it" but there are two outstanding issues preventing closure. HE STILL WORKS WITH HER. He sees nothing wrong with being "just friends" having the occasional beer or lunch with her. I say once you have had SEX with her, a "friendship" is just not right at all. It can happen again, although he swears he did not "like that part" of the friendship and it was a mistake that wont happen again. EVER. Swear on your life. Am I naive? Yep, think so.  Second issue is he HATES when I look at his phone now. I do confess to snooping, but have not found anything, doesn't mean he didn't delete messages. I have given up on looking at his phone. He constantly keeps it on vibrate with the screen down, even when charging.

Do I need to just forget all this move forward and work on my own self esteem issues now? Oh another bonus, the kids know all about it, too.  I have severe hatred towards the other woman, why is her life still fine? Her kids and husband are blissfully happy, my family is broken. I know I did not take vows with her but dang it just does not seem right. I tried to call her husband, but he did not call back, called his wife instead. My husband said she spun it to say I was jealous of their "friendship" I tend to think he knows about it and just does not care. I am having severe problems moving forward in my mind. I love my husband, and he does so many nice and caring things as well. I cannot be a third wheel in my own marriage though. I need to confirm if he is still catting about with this girl, so I can make an informed decision. Some days my gut says no some days my gut says yes.

This is not my entire story, I had life before and am trying to find some semblance of life after wards. I just want to find the me I was before this. Now I feel broken, lonely, and sad. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to be happy,bright and self confident. Any suggestions on pulling myself out of this self imposed gutter?


ldyvictoria1974 ldyvictoria1974
1 Response Feb 26, 2009

Your story reminds me of my own marriage which ended in a divorce, he had an affair and tried to convinced me it was just friendship. It broke my world in pieces and changed my perception of life forever. My child has been deprived of so much. He must brake of the friendship I can see no other alternative if you want to stay married