Confused..but Then Again Im Not.

alright straigth to the point. im confsued. between Friendships, Relationship with this girl, my family, school, my life and where its going. idk what to do. when im by myself and this all comes realtiy and i have to think about it. i just freak out and get overwhelmed..but like its just normal teenage **** i guess? idk but i cry a lot. and idk why. i just get so ******* overwhelmed. i recently flipped out on my mom and got in her face and told her i hated her becasuse basicaly she dosent understand me and was saying that she was gona take my laptop away from me. and that just ticked me off. and no im not ******* immatuer and flipping out over jsut that. its eveyrthing and that just pissed me off the most because the comptuer is the only place i can talk to friends and get eveyrhting out or else id prolly be ******* dead. i think about sucicide when i get overwhlemed. my mom never likes to talk things though she just yells and screams and is wayyy too over protectvive and i no she cares about me a lot. but sometimes its just rediclious. i dont do anything THAT bad. i did get caught with weed like 4 months ago. but my dad didnt even care. it was just my ******* mom!! and she just makes my day worse. and yess im soo extremely lucky to even have a freaking mom. and im thankful for her and her support at times. but most of the time i dont even want to be around her. she makes me misserable. and then i was in love with this, well i think i was in love with her? but hse ****** me over. and now it took me about 2 months to get over her. and i finnaly did, i guess? but now this girl i used to like a year ago. i like her again and she kinda likes me but shes getting over someone. so i just have to wait and see what happens and stuff. and idk sometimes she confuses me. and then school comes in and this past quarter i did HORRIBEL! the worst i have ever done, EVER! my mom was so mad! i was so mad at myself for doing that. im capable of so much. but idk i just dont want to sometiems. but i need to get over that and just freaking do it. i dont remember the last time i was happy for more than a freaking week. i hate life more than i schould. i want to love it. but idk how. i need something to cahnge. but i dont want anything to change at the same time. i have a few good friends that i hang out with on the weekends and we have a good time. untill now one of them crashed his car and i was in the car. and my mom got a ll pissed and i dont want to not hang out with him anymmore. ahh idk ******* life. idk what to do soemthimes. 

whatisgoingon whatisgoingon
18-21, M
Feb 18, 2009