That Doesn't Make Sense..

I've been confused about my feelings or emotions for a while now. I have a feeling that one moment I want this and then the next I want something else. For example, if you have looked at any of my other stories you know that there are things in my life that you know I'm confused about, like about the guy I like. Well, if you want me to be completely honest then, I truthfully like two guys. But I can't talk about one of them because of reasons. But so I'm confused about them. And then with my life.
I'm confused with who I want to be in my life and who I don't want. Yes, I might be friends with you but just because you might be my friend, that doesn't mean that I want you part of my life. But just because I said that, it doesn't mean I don't want you in my life. I'm confused about what is going through my mind. And the reason I say that is because one moment my mind is made up and then something happens and then I want something else. I don't want to be afraid of things. But of course, I am. Everyone is, and I know that but with me..It's different. I can't be completely honest with anyone not unless I completely have to like the cops or someone that really matters. And the reason I cant be completely honest is because I'm afraid of what someone will say. Like if I told the guy that I always talk about that I like him, and not have my friends do it and then he forgets they said anything..I can't tell him because I'm afraid that he wont listen to me..or that he will and he will ignore me and we wont be friends anymore..And most of all I'm afraid he will just laugh at me.
That's the way I am with everyone though. I'm afraid that if I let anyone see the side of me that I'm so damn afraid of that they will somehow hurt me. And that I can't take. Even if I don't want them in my life because WORDS DO HURT!! And they really cut deep for me. And So once again I'm confused because one moment I think I'm going to tell this person how I feel and then when I see them I can't because what if they just make fun of me? I can't do that.. So I guess you can say that it doesn't make sense....
HopingForABetterTomorrow HopingForABetterTomorrow
18-21, F
1 Response May 10, 2012

I feel the exact same way. Life can be very confusing. I have a hard time talking to anyone about anything going on in my life, mostly because I don't even understand it. I have an issue when I'm hanging out with someone I don't know very well and find myself thinking too much about what I'm supposed to say next. It is definitely a stage in life that we all must go through in order to find our true self. It takes a lot of time and I say take it day by day. You don't need to straight up tell the guy you like him but try to make him approach you by doing something that you know will get his attention. I have been the girl who approached the guy right away and usually been rejected. If they are worth it then they will come approach you but if they don't appreciate you no matter what then don't even do it to yourself. I find guys like it more when you play those tricky mind games that they like to play.