Confused :(

Since the past two years I've kinda been in this dilemma. There's this guy (let's call him M) I've been trying to hook up one of my best friends (let's call her Y) with. I'm not friends with him, but Y and M are quite close friends. I guess he'd be kinda like one of her closest guy friends. I'd told her that he had a thing for her, and a year later he did ask her out, but she said no. So I became a little.. well, a little obsessive over trying to get her to change her mind. From all the stories she'd told me about him, I guess I found him 'interesting'. We all finally got over it, but a little later Y said she thought I liked M. I said no, but the more I think about it, the more confused I get. I did become very.. determined to put them together, but ever took any initiative. If I did, they'd probably be together right now. I guess it was a little obvious, my interest. It could be possible that I do like him, but honestly I've NEVER had a proper conversation with him. Not once. There was this one time during the exams when for some reason he was shaking hands with everyone for some crazy reason, and he also shook my hand for a reeeaaally brief moment to wish me luck before he moved on to someone else and things went a little woozy for a bit. The thing is I think I like him, but the fact that he used to like my bff bothers me. It's like he's got a damn sign board over his head with her name on it. Makes me feel like a backstabber although Y never liked him in that way (though she did mention she felt attracted at one point, but I guess that was because I was pestering her about it) and also like I'm taking something rejected. Also the fact that the image I have of him in my head is just based on stories my friend told me. It would be completely illogical to fall for someone who you have no contact with, right? But from what I've heard he's completely like me and I get really self conscious when he's around and well, honestly, a little flustered. The truth is all I want to do is talk to him. I involuntarily end up looking for a way to talk to him without directly approaching him myself (always futile). I'd never have the guts to. I really don't know how I feel, and the person whom I always look up at for romantic **** is Y but I can't tell her!! Nor any other of my friends because they all know him and I feel like I'll get judged. Part of me wants him, part wants to push him away because of my bloody ego. I can cope with my feelings if I do like him, but I just don't know if I do. :( This is driving me insane.
nightowl98 nightowl98
13-15, F
Nov 29, 2012