Confuzzled :(Last night, I had the strangest dream. I'm confused on my sexuality, what I want right now, and what type of artist I'm going to be.
I'm asexual, just so that's clear, and I'm staying that way because I don't plan on marriage(religious Christian thing), and I want to stay pure.
I dreamt I was dating my friend, a girl, and I dreamt we made-out on a bed. In the dream, we were "seperated" by a desert-apocolapse. We were reunited in a school. When I placed my hand on her back as we walked, she said she had a boyfriend.
I have NO feelings for her- even if I'm asexual I'm not attracted to her facial features, which is the only real thing I look for when I have a crush on guys. This is so strange, it's causing to question my sexuality. Am I biromantic? Or just hetroromantic? I don't know- I prefer to just be a furry/human and androynous. Mentally, I'm androynous and I switch to girl sometimes. But would I actually date a girl?
I have social-anxiety, too. I don't know if I should stay strong in school- to "hold on" and try making friends- or whether to just quit it. Sometimes I don't even want to wake up in the morning. I'm awful at remembering to take my medication, but even then I don't think it's working fast enough or it's even right for me. My friend is in another school and we email eachother; oddly enough she seems to be the only friend I can keep and the only one I have
My creativity seems to be lacking badly- I'm not drawing as much as I should to learn. I don't have any friends and none of my family share my interests- of being a furry, of loving cartoons/anime, of animals, etc I know it's not a bad thing, but they seem to be in a different world than I am sometimes. It's like I'm not motivated to draw/write.
Iam frustrated with my insecurities and confused