Not Entirely Sure What I AmBiologically, I am a female. Sometimes I feel like one, other times I feel like a male, then there are times where I feel like both and times where I feel like neither. As my face is quite masculine, I could never pull off the feminine look very well, or at least not as well as my female friends could. Because of this, I've always wished I was taller so that I could at least look more masculine.
Unfortunately, I'm both short and petite, and even though I have the ideal body for really cute girly clothes, I prefer to wear baggy clothes that are too big for me because I felt better in them. However, I don't hate girly clothes either, and I don't mind wearing a skirt or a dress, or putting on makeup (although it is quite tedious).
Although I have more female friends than male friends, I identify stronger with my male friends. I just never understood the gossip-nature of females, and I hate shopping with my female friends, simply because they took too long to look for clothes that I'm not interested in (and the gossip). If I went shopping with my male friends (or my tomboy friend), it was fun and relaxed. That's usually why I prefer to shop by myself.
When I think about relationships, I don't see myself as a woman, but more like a gay man in a woman's body. I don't want to be protected by a guy or have him treat me like a woman. But the funny thing is, I'm not attracted to the "masculine" males - the ones with the muscles and abs and whatnot. I prefer men who are on the lean side and care about how they look and as long as they're not more feminine than me, I'm okay. Is this weird? I feel it is.
The thing that confuses me most is that I'm a female, yet I want to be a somewhat effeminate male. I want to be the lean guy with the nice clothes and good fashion sense and nice hair cut, but I don't want the facial hair that comes with being a male. I basically want to be the man I'd date. This is so confusing.
I don't hate being a female, and I don't want the surgery to become a male. But basically, I really just feel like I am a mashup of both genders.
Has anyone been in the same situation and can someone shed some light on why I think the way I do? Thanks in advance.