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It Started Out All Wrong..

 We met and started talking right away.. Had common interests.. We both had diverse music tastes.. We both were attracted to each other.. He made me smile and laughed at my nerdiness.. Perfect, yeah? Except, he had a girlfriend, which he failed to tell me about.. It was obviously a broken relationship, but a relationship, nonetheless, that I interrupted..

 I stayed his friend.. And we flirted all the time.. We still flirt, we like to flirt.. His girlfriend attempted my friendship but I couldn't bring myself to like her.. My loyalties were to him.. He was my friend first and I was on his side ((and I had/have a big fatty crush on him..))  Finally they broke up and she moved out.. You would think that it'd be a good opportunity to take what I've waited for.. Buuuut no.. 

 I can't really bring myself to have that "relationship" talk with him.. My best friend already says we act like a couple.. Just with no benefits of a coupling.. It's difficult for me, he's sooo secretive and hard to read.. And I lie a lot.. It's my worst habit..  The thing I love about him the most is he calls me on it.. He's called me out on all my sh*t while others just kinda of let me get away with it..  He's the first person that I've actually tried really hard to change for.. Well, my lying at least.. I just don't think that we can ever really make it as a couple because we both started out on a lie..

 Also another question that's scary to every friendship.. "Is dating your best friend worth the risk of ending that relationship?" Kind of a scary thought there's always two ways that can go for you.. You marry and live happily ever after with the person that gets you the most.. OR  .. Your relationship is ruined by lies and deceit.. We already started with lies and deceit..

It's just complicated and confusing and an "I don't even know" situation.. Continuing like we are is becoming awkward it feels like with both have the desire.. We're just two big scaredy cats afraid of getting hurt..

hostilegirlie hostilegirlie 18-21, F May 4, 2010

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