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Torn.

There is way to much to be said about my relationship. We've been together two years now. I was so blinded by the "in love high" that many of us experience when we first meet that special person. I connected with him, and went with the flow. I ended up here. In some cases, a lot has changed, in others nothing at all. I know i'm quite attached to him, some say being with him may just be habit by now. I won't know until I leave him, but I'm too scared to find out. I don't want to keep waiting and dragging it out, but I can't bring myself to leave him, regardless of how angry I get at the time. Things are so much worse than anyone could understand
I know I'm the type of woman that just attracts lost souls, and I always attempt to fix what I know I cannot. I just don't seem to want to give up, and I feel like everyone deserves love, even if they sometime don't know how to show love back. Some were never showed love, and never learned how to love. Some were never held or played with as a baby, never felt important or special, or worth anything. These things are what causes many to grow into dis functional adults, who are now incapable of feeling, or giving love or dealing with emotions. This of course causes problems in a relationship. I'm not perfect, and a lot of the time I lose my patients and get angry, but I pour my heart and soul out to him, trying to build him up to be the best he can be, and to be successful in this world, but I'm beginning to see, if he doesn't love himself, my loving him wont make a difference.Having the personality type I do makes me an absolute sucker in some ways, because I just don't have it in me to break his heart, he is also so fragile, and in need of serious help. I do believe one day I will get out of this situation, but until then, i'm just confused, and letting things be.
jadedprettygirl jadedprettygirl 18-21, F 10 Responses Jan 19, 2012

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It feels complex and frightening, but sadly it's simple. Answer these questions and make your decision. Does he make you happy? Do you think about him (in a nice way) when seperated? Does he turn you on or excite you? Do you think of anybody else? Do you spend a lot of time imagining him gone? If he isn't 'the guy' then kick his arse to the curb and get the hell out of Dodge right now.

You know, reading this made me feel like I was reliving my own past. I can't tell you how much (to the tee) I can relate. Needless to say, I've SO been there. It hurts. I was and am, to a degree, the exact same way. I feel like I attract the "lost" and need to save them. I don't always mean to be, but I always end up trying to be the hero that fixes everything and changes them for the better. I hate to break it (to the both of us) but we can't always fix people. We can help, of course. But we, in ourselves, don't have the ability to heal a person completely. It has to be their will for them to get and be better. If they don't want it, it doesn't matter how much we bend over backwards for them, do things for them, take care of them. And when you love someone as much as you might love him, it seems like you have to stick around. (And tell me if I'm completely off, but I feel like he's done things that have hurt you deeply.) Sometimes it's best to simply let them go, or else they will never learn or grow up and will forever depend on you to save them. He'll never learn and neither will you.

However, this doesn't mean the end. Maybe you'll both go your separate ways and be lead back to each other one day. But right now, you need to let go so you can find the person you want to be. You owe it to yourself.

I'm here for you, girl!

Message me if you ever feel weak <3

Hi Jaded- Its Vicki we havent met but I see your a very loving girl and in this situation when you dont know which way to go its too easy to make mistakes, I wouldnt leave him but I would consider a heart to heart talk if that is possible but dont quite understand exactly where the problem is or even what it is. Your story is very confused. If I knew what was wrong (you do not say specifically) I would know how to help you.<br />
But my best 2 recommendations are 1.To tell-talk to him one on one in a good heart to heart talk you really need to try to work anything out instead of leaving or whatever else that could ruin the relationship, and see if there really is a problem. 2.Both of you may need professional counseling he or she can help you if there is a problem in the relationship.<br />
But the only I heard was a lot of confusion on your part but this is what I would do.<br />
I hope this will help you as what to do. Message if you need help or to share or talk to me.<br />
<br />
Kisses<br />
Vicki

I'm in the same situation, my head says leave but my heart says stay :(.. Maybe I am just hoping that things will work out and we will live happily ever after, I am 20 as well.. I found he was also planning on meeting his ex to catch up, I trust him but I just don't know I am so confused :( xx

I'm in the same situation, my head says leave but my heart says stay :(.. Maybe I am just hoping that things will work out and we will live happily ever after, I am 20 as well.. I found he was also planning on meeting his ex to catch up, I trust him but I just don't know I am so confused :( xx

Be careful pet that your not in this relationship just because your other half is fragile. It will inevitably drag you to a bad place, and do them no good. A relationship is ba<x>sed on truth, honesty and affection, if this doesn't happen, then it will only hurt all of those involved. Be strong pet and do the right thing for you, which will make you happier and will be honest with him.

pet? never heard that one, but thanks for your advice.

You will find the right guy. I feel the same way about my ex gf. I was pushing so hard..but u need to find the person who is right for u. U are amazingly beautiful u will find smeone

I wish you strength to change what you can change, serenity to accept what cannot be changed and the wisdom to see the difference. x

thank you so much (: touched my heart &lt;3

you are welcome, a torn heart deserves to be touched

Awww! You sound just like me!<br />
<br />
But, you can't stay with someone if the relationship just isn't right. If he's treating you like crap, even if you show him nothing but love, I think it's better to leave. I was in a relationship with someone who was 'broken' for years. I tried to fix him, but all he would ever do was find new ways to hurt me.<br />
<br />
If you have reasons to leave, but no reasons to stay--and trust me, your personality type shouldn't factor in here!--then maybe the relationship isn't worth the hurt. I don't know you or your partner, but habit and wanting to help someone aren't worthwhile reasons to stay. If he loves you, he'll show it (if you've been together for a while, he should've learned to love you at least a little by now), but if he's still a jerk, you're probably just now seeing things as they really are.<br />
<br />
People don't change unless they want to change... If he does want help, then I'm sure there are ways to reach out for it.<br />
<br />
Whatever you do, good luck!

thanks hun (:
Yes, reality has just now hit me I believe.
He doesnt treat me like crap, but I know I deserve a lot better. The situation is very complex, most people would think im crazy for staying, but I know I'll gain enough strength one day to break free, and feel guilt free. Thanks for the encouragement.

Hey girl, I don't know you, but I totally empathize with this situation. I am recently divorced from a man that sounds very similar to your BF and we were in a similar kind of relationship. I think I acted much the same way toward him the whole time. What really made me break away was the realization that I was getting older and this man was like ball and chain on me! It seemed like I had to reach a certain age before I just decided that I wasn't the kind of person who would stay around someone like that in order to do what felt like the "good thing." It wasn't good for anybody, least of all me. But I couldn't convince myself of that until I realized I was gonna turn 30 and still had to try to fix somebody and be the only one to care for them. Which is never true, I found out!! That's what they want you to think so they'll stick around. In reality, they'll find someone else to give them the emotional support you do and drain them in exactly the same way. I just wanted to say this to you cause you're young and have so much ahead. Don't let it be wasted with someone like this. I hope it helps you.

Thank you so much for commenting. Your exactly right. I just turned 20 this month, and this is the first year I began to feel like time is flying by me so fast, and I havn't made much progress as far as personal growth goes. I think thats a major flaw in our relationship, plus the fact the the constantly trying to fix him, and failing, is breaking me down as well.
Im definitely beginning to feel tied down due to his insecurities. Thanks again for your input. (:

So happy to help you girl! Just prepare to feel like a person you might not have ever felt like before. Like you said personal growth. For me, I think I needed to go through this kind of scenario in order to grow in the way I needed too. I have no idea where it's taking me, and I'm really just exploring now (still, at 28 lol!). But I'm glad that experience is over, but also glad that I went through it, cause I wouldn't have learned this stuff otherwise! Best wishes to you ... really!!