He Loves Me? He Loves Me Not?

It began like a whirl wind romance. He totally swept me off my feet, did everything right. I thought I had found "the one". It seemed we were made for each other. No he was not perfect and neither am I but I really thought I had found the one I had been searching for. Then we moved in together and he seemed to change almost instantly. He went from being charming, caring and loving to cold, cranky and sometimes harsh. The final straw came for me when he was consistently having nights out with his female work colleagues and not inviting me, staying out till 2 or 3 am. I decided enough was enough so I withdrew from the relationship. It was only a matter of a couple of days but he did not even ask me what was wrong. I did not hold his hand when we went out in public, I stopped cooking meals and doing his laundry. Two days in a row he had to iron his own shirts for work and it was only then he realized something was wrong. But he did not ask me what was wrong instead he shouted at me at 7 am as to why I had not ironed his shirts for work. Cut a long story short we had a big argument and I confronted him about not inviting me when he goes out till 3 am with his female work colleagues and he told me flat "I am never inviting you". That was it for me. That day I moved his things into the spare room and that is where they have stayed. We rent a house together and both of us are too stubborn or whatever to move out. Most of the time it is all amicable. He still does not lift a finger around the house but he does do his own laundry and maintain his own room. At first things were a bit tense and we did not speak for days. Most of the time when he is home he is in his room on his computer. Playing games mostly I assume but then I also know he talks to woman on skype. We still sleep together regularly too. Yes I know I should not but it has always been good with us, its difficult to say no when you know how good it is going to be. I tell myself over and over that I have to stop sleeping with him but I always cave in.
In March the lease to this house is up and instead of renting again I am going through the process to buy my own house. Before I decided to buy my own house I asked him what his plans are for the end of the lease and he said he did not know. So I went ahead with my own plans and I should be a home owner (with a mortgage sigh) by the end of February. He has not even started to look for another place to live. Recently I told him of my plans and he came for a drive with me past the house I have a contract on. His first question was "is it close to a train station?". Which it is. His next question was "does it have a certain government department office in the area?". Which it does and coincidentally it is in walking distance from my new house. So I can only assume by those questions that he is thinking he is coming to my new house. Why else would he ask about the department office if he was not considering a transfer from his office location? Does he think he is going to just move in as a boarder and continue the status quo? I have not given any indication or even suggested he moves with me. I am confused because why would he want to come with me or even think I would let him come with me after all that has happened? I used to keep hoping that he would come to his senses and declare his love for me, but it has not happened and I don't see it happening. I don't want to live indefinitely with a "housemate with benefits". At some point I want to again be in a real committed relationship. I cannot do that while my ex lives with me and neither can he, I certainly will not allow him to bring any other woman to my house. At first I thought when the lease was coming up and I said I was moving out that it might push him to wake up and do something to not lose me but he is not doing that either. I don't understand why he would want to continue living with me if we are not going to be together as a couple. What do I do? Do I allow him to come to my new house? Is he just going to use me? Does he love me or not?
Xenajet Xenajet
36-40, F
1 Response Jan 18, 2013

I found the answer ... he does not love me