My bf talks about our future kids, business, and life. Monday through Friday he is so relaxed and lazy which I know that's one of men's many favorite things to do :) I'm fine with it. The only issue I'm confused about is how he genuinely feels. I can either read him perfectly by how he "shows" me and says he loves me he just seems "super" comfortable with our life and our future together but kind of in a scary way. This is what I'm confused about. We have been together 6 months. I can never go anywhere without him. If I mention anything about wanting to go to school, make a (female) friend his attitude turns sour towards me and he gets defensive and puts down whatever I want to branch out to do. He told me I am his spouse and I should be able to talk to him about anything and if I'm upset or need an outlet that I should go to him. We are young and in love but this is the only relationship I've been in that I cant "read" my partner on a consistent basis. Mind you I can read people instantly. He's a lot like me and we had pretty much the same childhood experiences. I do love him a lot I just don't know if he truly feels the same. I'm afraid to be hurt. Its when he gets super quite and doesn't really speak to me. I give him space by not speaking but its weird after a few days? All of a sudden he could get a spurt of insane energy, make me laugh, be silly, be outgoing and loud. I don't know its weird. When he argue I'm not able to leave the room he will hold me down or get in my face even if I'm upset and not being defensive in any way. I really don't like that. He has said several times you don't want to know what will happen if you leave me. This is our low times FYI. Not daily. But its enough for me to question and feel confused a bit. What advice do you have?
vonbender2010 vonbender2010
26-30, F
3 Responses Sep 2, 2014

Does he have a mental illness, like bipolar? It sounds like he goes way up & then way down, is controlling & probably my guess is that he wants to better himself (talks about it anyway), but does he want YOU to??
... Sure you love him, but regardless of what he says, you aren't married.
You have to not get lost here..remember your needs, bc if you don't, no one else will.
...Also, it sounds like there may be more going on.. Does he do drugs? .. If so, that will certainly have an effect on his mood/temperament.
... Good luck!

Just smokes mj

I would recommend to RUN run as fast and as far as you can. Even at ones low should never threaten like he does. Ask yourself this. If you had a daughter you loved so much and had a relationship like yours what would you advice her to do? He seems manipulative. Even on his high he still shows signs of not a mentally stable person. Maybe you feel empathy for him because if what you guys went through but you can't fight fire with fire. The cycle will continue. You have to love yourself more than you love him for his past. You will have to live with it for the rest of your life. You will make the last call so this is just an advice from someone outside the box. Take care love. You matter and your sanity matters too. Don't self sabotage it's not healthy in the end.

This is a real problem. I faced that once and my advice to you is to do a proper evaluation - do you really want to stay with someone who wants your world and social life to revolve around him only?

Been there done that and really everyone should avoid that. Hi-five. 😂

Currently that's ALL my focus is on because (I+WE) want to have a family, and develop this relationship towards that direction. We want kids ASAP but saving, planning, and letting time take its course is a must. We don't go out drink every weekend, blow money etc. I don't have any outlet for advice so that's why I come here :)

I understand and I am super glad that you have come to this place because you need to voice out your thoughts SOMEWHERE since you have nowhere and no one else other than your boyfriend.

It's really awesome that you guys are heading towards that direction but I need you to imagine a few scenarios

1. You need to go to college one day and he'd follow you day in day out let's say even as you do project work with your classmates

2. You will not be able to have fun in school activity such as camps and campus clubbing because of his insecurity

3. You work in a mixed gender environment and he is so scared that you will be distracted by any other guy that he stays there to supervise you

4. You cannot talk about any guy in front of him or his attitude will take a turn

5. You will always feel like there's no one to talk to when you and your boyfriend have any problem

If you can still feel sane after imagining these scenarios, I salute you dear. This is true love.

I'm just really confused hearing others thoughts help me to organize my own.
Something that confuses me is his drive. He has none. My life is crazy right now with family issues my mom is using and running around my hometown in WA acting all crazy (Not her typical self) really just emotional hard stuff to get through but i'm still trying and just being in a new relationship has given me a boost. Why doesn't he feel the same? It seems only I feel this way lately.

He smokes alot of weed but he just seems so miserable. He just got out of the hospital for MERSA. He hasn't worked for over a month and has been I a lot of pain healing. He's an electrician so he will be on light duty. He just has no zest for life :/ We live in FL its super hot so we stay in most of the time but really I am young I get these urges to roam free, walk outside, go to the beach, go out and just find a place to take pic's anything really that makes memories and feels real. I don't know what to think or do? He's a great person with a great heart, loves animals, works hard, very intelligent, just seems like nothings ever good enough and that nothing can make him feel happy.

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