Bisexual, Lesbian?

Or maybe somewhere in between?! I don't know.. And personally I don't care much for those labels... Whoever I'll end up with I'll end up with.

Why the question troubles me a bit though, is because I'd like to be more honest to others. But how am I supposed to come out without knowing what I am. I can't say "I'm not heterosexual, either bi or homosexual." Nobody will take me serious and see it as a phase.

I guess I'll need to hide my feelings for a bit longer ;)

Update 07/2011:
I came out as bi some time ago, and am almost 100% sure that I am.
MsIndievidual MsIndievidual
18-21, F
12 Responses Feb 16, 2011

Never hide your feelings. Labels mean nothing. Its how you feel on the inside that matters. There is no manual to being a lesbian or a bisexual.. or a hetero for that matter. Sexuality for some is fluid. Let it flow as it should. And the right woman will understand. I am Lesbian,but god how I hate to label myself. I'm not a he or a she, but I'm me, slightly androgynous and just trying to get through life the best way I know how. If someone wants to look at me and label me butch.. then go for it.. I'm proud of my capacity to love and want another woman in the way I am capable of.
Be true to you, disregard the labels and follow your heart. Thats the best advice I can give you.. but never hide your feelings, because I am here to tell you, it never goes away.

Just to say, research also showed that bisexuals come on a spectrum: bi-bi (liking men and women equally, with no clear preference); bi-straight (attracted to same-sex but leaning towards the opposite); and bi-gay (attracted to men and women, but preferring the same sex). Apparently, the bi-bi are pretty rare.

I am in the same dilemma as you are. I feel that saying that I am bisexual is a serious understatement of how I feel about women. My life circumstances do not help me figure out the dilemma either. I identify with bi-gay now, but I hate explaining myself to people. Was also thinking of using the term queer - as in the I am not straight, but queer series - but that would leave room for more interpretations and questions. Saying simply that I am bisexual is the easy way out, even if I don't feel that way.

Interesting how as you introduce yourself to me through EP you become an increasingly profound individual. <br />
<br />
My mother was bisexual as is my girlfriend. It seems it's not a matter of sexuality but of the great range that not defining oneself in a limited way makes possible. <br />
<br />
My sense is that you are one of unbounded possibilities. The only caveat being never to limit those possibilities.

I just hate that the "identity" bi becomes a default. It's as though you need to be so extreme to be allowed to identify yourself as lesbian/gay, and never have had a positive sexual experience with a man. So, if you cannot claim that you are "pure lesbian" who has never or never will enjoy sex with a man, you must default to saying you are bisexual or unsure. But there are many women who feel gay, want only to be with women and have monogomous, life-long relatiionships with women, but cannot meet the "pure lesbian" standards. Where does that leave them?<br />
<br />
I completely agree that labels and identity are things that only you should have control over, and you shouldn't feel pressure to be pushed one way or the other or "make up your mind". But that doesn't mean that owning a sexual identity isn't important to everyone, even if you are somewhere in the middle. <br />
<br />
This is where I fit. I feel lesbian/gay, but have had great sex with men. I have come to realize, though, that women satisfy me much more and I want to spend my life with a woman. I don't want to be labled "unsure" or "bisexual" because that isn't who I am. So I identify as gay/lesbian, and will defend myself against those who say I cannot be gay/lesbian because of my past. I say, let your feelings and emotions determine your sexual identity, rather than chosing a sexual identity from a glossary of titles and then trying to match your actions to that definition.

No you don't EVER have to make your mind up; some people live most of their lives with someone of the opposite sex, only to find their soulmate with someone of the same sex, and visa versa some people think they are gay, only to fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, some people are attracted to both, and some people attracted to neither, life is ever changing we can never predict who is going to come in to our lives, we don't belong in boxes, people seem to feel uneasy unless they can put us in a box, that's their issue not ours. I don't know whether you've ever seen the film "chasing amy" well it's a film I first watched when I was younger and hated it, I wasn't in that place, you're much more mature in that way than me when I was your age, now, when I watch it I get what they're saying- check it out if you haven't seen it, although some of the sexual referencess are a bit much for a boring romantic like me, it still has a good message; my advise- don't ever make your mind up, love is love.

Thank you for this very helpful comment :)<br />
As time goes by, the more I realize that I'm mostly attracted to women. But still, I couldn't say that I could never have a relationship with a man. And I guess that's true for most straight people as well.. I guess most of them can't be 100% sure that they will only have heterosexual relationships and attractions in their life.<br />
<br />
I've come out by now, I said that I think I'm bi, but more leaning towards lesbian. Most people accepted that pretty well, but some keep asking me "Have you made up your mind yet?" well I don't think I ever will..

I don't care for labels either. I'm forty years old and ever since I was 16 I have only been with women. But can never get my head round the whole label thing. I've only ever been attracted to women so yes I'm gay I, but why the label. I'm not ashamed of who I am at all, but I resent the need for a label.<br />
So many people are hung up on labels, I haven't been on the gay scene since I was 17 ( it was a short stop he he) but the whole attitude around the women I was with at the time was it was the worse sin ever to love a man.. I don't think I'll ever live with a man for so many reasons but, I can never rule it out, some gay people preach to others about you should just love whoever you want to but it should work both ways. Life is so so short, never ever be ashamed of who you love, and never let anybody else force you into a label, whoever they are; you're just you, simple as..take care..

Thanks for everybody's advice and opinions! I will stay myself, I just wonder when I'll come out. I guess I will.. When the time is right :)

Yeah, well, those people are just plain ignorant. I am totally in love with a woman... and in lust for a number of other women (and a man or two also). Those of us who have the ability to love beyond the externals have many more options. We're the lucky ones!

Sounds like you are love people not plumbing :-)

Yes, that's how I see it. But hardly anybody seems to understand that kind of view, or it's obvious that they think "Well I hope you love a MAN for who he is one day"

How about... I love people for who they are, not for their gender.