I Think I May Be A Lesbian

Well this is my first story so I will try to write it as best as I can, I have just bottled this up so long so sorry if it is a long story. This year I feel like I have changed as a person because of college, I have started to feel more attracted towards women instead of men. I just feel so confused though because I have had boyfriends and I feel like I should be attracted to men, it is just expected. One reason why I feel like I may be a lesbian is the fact that I have never connected well with men, for example I high school I dated several guys who ended up coming out being gay. Now that I am in college there has only been one guy who seems attracted to me but after meeting him once to study at the library he started texting me things all related about sex right off the bat. For me men feel like jerks or in my case they end up being gay too. Also, I guess I am confused because I have never even kissed a person so how do I know what I like. This year I feel more so attracted to women like my best friend who is a girl at college. We both like alot of the same things and we usually end up ordering the same food at restaurants. We always have a lot of eye contact in our conversations and before I told her I was confused about my sexual orientation, we would always joke and say that we are going to be lesbian lovers, since neither of us have a boyfriend and neither of us have even kissed anyone. I eventually had the guts to tell her that I am confused about my sexual orientation, but she didnt say anything so I stormed off crying in my dorm, but she then texted me to say she is there for me. Since then I haven't brought up the subject, but something changed. Before telling her that she and my other friend  used to tickle me to death for their own amusement, which I didnt mind I kind of enjoyed it. Now we still do that but my best friend seems more touchy to me, like she pats my back and says it is ok, or she steals/hides things in her hand so I end up touching her to try to get it. Also she puts her hand on my chest and tells me to stay calm, she said she is trying to help me not be as ticklish because pretty much toughing me anywhere I laugh. This is very confusing to me because I enjoy it because I find her attractive and I enjoy feeling loved. I kind of wonder if she is in the same boat as I am in but she says in public she is not a lesbian but I guess I say the same thing because I dont know. Another thing that makes this more difficult is the fact that she is going to a different school next year and I wish I could tell her I think I like her. I guess I dont know exactly what to do, am I a lesbian because I like my best friend and the way she touches me too?, do you think she likes me?, should I say anything else? PLEASE help me any suggestions would be great
csrb824 csrb824
18-21, F
2 Responses May 23, 2012

I toootally get where you're coming from. I always hit on my friends - by hit on them i mean i've randomly tried to kiss them lol so it's not...yeah lol either way, While I'm not in love with them or anything it's definitely made me consider my lesbionic tendencies which have surfaced even many years before college. Maybe you're just bi? Don't force the label too much, just allow yourself to be attracted to whoever you're attracted to :)

You should try to get her alone and tell her how you feel and what you think. Tell her that if she is not interested in you in that way, that you want the both of you to stay friends.

Thanks for the advice, I guess I just don't want to say the wrong thing and lose the friendship I have.

Take your time with your words, think before you act or talk :)