A Situation Like Noone Else's That I've Met....

This story is about my childhood at school about a certain teacher, lets call him Mr X. I'll start by explaining EVERYTHING that has happened up until this present day, where i am still in the dilemma and desperate for it to go away.
I think the best way to start is to say it started about 4 years ago. The first time we met was walking down the hallway. It was merely a fleeting look but we passed and smiled at eachother. Next thing i know is i have my first lesson with him. Everyone found him a joke because of his nerdiness, and how he always had major patches under his arms. But i was the one person who never laughed at him, and he would smile at me in a consoling way. I never felt anything for him at this point. But the class window played a big part in everything. A few weeks later after a lesson, i was messing about with mates outside his window, and shouting silly things out. Next lesson was with him... and he kept pacing up and down the isle of where i sat, but not saying anything, just smiling to himself. Then he eventually came up to me and said "what was that you said (my name)?" and i was like "oh erm... nothing.. nothing!" and he said "i'm only joking only joking" and he blushed and walked off. I was a bit embarrassed but forgot about it. Then a few days passed and again i was outside with my mates messing about and something caught my eye. I saw him, watching me, in a kind of dreamily way, from his window. I spotted him and frowned and he ran off. I thought "ok ... weird" but thought nothing of it. Then i started noticing my lessons were getting weirder and weirder. The way he acted with me was just odd... He couldn't look me in the eye at all, but he could with everyone else. He stuttered and blushed when he spoke to me. When i put my hand up to ask a question he would race towards my table then lean over me looking up at the ceiling and be like "yes (my name)!". There were all these weird little nicks happening, like when he was reading something and he accidentally touched my arm and started stuttering like mad. But i ignored, as usual. Other things started happening, like when it was his birthday, i thought it would only be nice to give him a card. I was nervous but i went in and gave it to him. He came a bit too close for comfort and thanked me. Then it was my birthday and one person in my class said "sir you look a bit flushed" (when i walked in with a birthday badge on) and he said "oh.. erm nothing" and sat down. No happy birthday, until 30 minutes later when i got my assignment handed back and he thumbled out "erm.. and happy birthday (my name)" and went red. Then he sat back down and smiled throughout the whole lesson to himself. All these weird things let me to become suspicious of how he felt for me. Lets skip a few months because there were way too many things that happened to mention that added to suspicion. There was a really odd time, when he came up to my desk whilst i was silently working, emptied the puncher in his hand and threw the paper over my head and said "a wedding!!!" and walked off. And i was like "er.... ok then" -carries on-. There was a time at the end of the high school years that he sat us all down, and was saying how nice it was to tutor us, then he looked at me and said "no matter what happens in 4 or 5 years time, i will always really really like you alot". Silence broke the class and people started frowning, then luckily the bell went. Also, he asked me nervously (as he does) where i was going. I explained to him what i wanted to do but as soon as i said i am going to a different college he looked shocked, upset, and speechless. Afterwards i spoke to him and said i will be staying here for college, he walked off quickly then screamed (without looking back) "GLAD TO HEAR IT (my name)!". My friends just burst out laughing, i didn't find it too amusing. So we had a prom at the end of my high school year and i said to him "sir are you going to it?" and he said "YEAH!!!... when is it?" and i thought "ok you are going but don't know when it is.. that makes sense" and i said "start of july" and he said "yeah sure :)". Then at prom he was there, but i only looked at him once, and the one time i looked at him he was sitting there with a drink in his hand, looking at me... so i smiled and walked off. College time, i took up the subject he taught me but i had different tutors. Problem is i dropped out because they were rubbish. We were out on a day trip, and i tutor that i didn't even know came up to me and said "MR X WAS FURIOUS!" and i frowned and said "wah?" and she said "yeah! i told him you dropped (the subject) and he stamped his feet and screamed NO NO NO!". So she was looking at me expecting an answer... but i just walked off thinking "what the heck?". I thought it would only be fair to confront him about it and explain why i did it. So i did, and my greeting was a bit off. I said "i must speak with you" and he said "depends". I said "its about dropping (the subject) and he said "theres nothing to talk about.." in a hurt stubborn voice. I said "well, i think i owe you an explanation", attempting to act as professional as possible, maintaining a slightly better detachment of emotions than him. We talked it through and i told him i heard he was angry. He eventually admitted that he was upset. An awkward silence dawned but i carried on with the conversation. He was happy that i go see him for any help on anything if i needed it, but things would now be different. I couldn't relate him to anything i did in college anymore. The staring out the window and just in general, odd behaviour towards me continued, but there was a time i wanted to speak with him but he was busy. He said i could pop in any time he is free, and i was waiting for a mate outside his room and he was free so i could have spoke to him... but i didn't, and i got confronted with the door being slammed in my face when i turned round. It told me everything i had to know, the man clearly had some kind of emotional attachment for me, liked me alot, more than admiration by the looks of it. We carried on with things, but everything was becoming more awkward. We would see eachother, and both look away very quickly when we saw eachother, and my mate would 'annoyingly' point out that we both blushed when we passed. He wasn't old, about 30, not married. Time was coming to an end... i confirmed to him that i would speak to him at the end of everything, for a last goodbye. He was very excited, a bit too excited but i guess it was a good thing. A few weeks before everything was going to finish, i saw him with another female teacher. They went to the nearby bar. She obviously was interested in him, but he seemed like other things were on his mind. She put her hand on his hand, but he took it away, which told me everything. When they were parting, he merely just gave her a pat and walked off. About 3 days before my exam, i was going to work, when i saw him and her walking together hand in hand. I stopped and parked. I followed them, trying to make myself not visible. I saw her face and his face. She was having deep conversation, really into it. He looked bored, and, as like last time, not all there, as if he had other things on his mind. I of course was slightly shattered. A few days before my last exam, also the day that i will talk to him, and i see this? But i thought i have to go ahead with it. Maybe he felt there would be no hope with me, or he didn't want to ruin my university life. Regardless, that last day came and i fearfully went up to speak with him. Our conversation was good, we discussed many things. When it came to asking his email however, he looked fearfully at the door that i stupidly left open and suggested he gives me his school email. I agreed and he copied down onto a note which i took and walked out. He also had said to me he would like to see me again, that i come visit. So, i email him a week later on the old email address he had given me 2 years back. I had asked if he would care for a drink or coffee before i attend university. A week later no reply, so i didn't know if he was ignoring me (didn't really have a right to, would be nice to say yes or no) or that he doesn't use it anymore (last time i sent an email as i said was 2 years ago). So i decided to try and send the same email on the new one he gave me. I got a postmaster undeliverable failure come back... and now... to this present day, i am stuck. I don't know what to do, or think or say. Do i call the college up and ask for it? Or do i move on, and think nothing can ever come out of it. Even if nothing did come out of it, i wanted to know what he would've said, whether good or bad, so i can atleast be fresh for university and not in doubt. But now, i feel destroyed, confused, and really lost. I hope you enjoyed my story, if anyone has any advice, i would much appreciate it. Take care...
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6 Responses Jul 15, 2010

Exactly what everyone else is saying to me. Hey hum now i have to handle a short outburst of men chasing me xD Thanks Kadairdavis :).

im glad everything worked out for you!<br />
and life does move on to bigger and better things and it is most certainly his loss<br />
it just shows how cowardly he was

Thanks kadairdavis, i have moved on now but i guess i was more disappointed than hurt that he did not respond to the letter that was given to him and i am quite sure that he received it. I can't be bothered with the school anymore and i have moved on... never gonna see it again and never will go back. In the end it's his loss not mine because of him having no decency or guts or whatever you call it to not reply. Hey hum life goes on :) I have more important things to deal with, thanks anyway :) x

im not sure what the age gap is between you guys but it seemed he must have been a bit older than you.. and he was your teacher so maybe it was just a little crush you guys had on eachother for so long and then when it came down to you leaving and it being acceptable for you guys to have a relationship, it might have freaked him out because then he would have had to admit he had feelings for you for so long when he legally was not allowed too. He should however respond to your attempts at a contact but if you know where he works you might want to drop by and talk to him in person about how you feel or think. Because then he cant ignore you and youll be able to confront him face to face. If talking in person would be too awkward, i would call the school and see if they can give you his real email and try again. I hope it all works out!

Thanks for the comment. I know i will never move on from this situation. I felt i loved him and i thought he felt the same about me. A few days ago, i dropped off a formal letter that was put in his pigeon hole, explaining what i had wrote in my email, and also stating what my email was. It was formal and i said "Best Wishes, MY NAME"... i'm still waiting for a reply. I would've thought if the man had ANY decency he would at least email me saying something! Like "no i don't think so" or "yeah sure"... something! But i haven't got a response yet and i'm quite sure he has received it. He should reply shouldn't he? :(

I think that if he longed for you for so long, and you did not respond the way he expected, then maybe he was destroyed and lost too, If you are going to a different place where you will not see him then maybe it is best to move on, he might have copied the email down wrong and like you said he may not use his old one, If you had closed the door then things might have turned out different, but, time moves forward, so all you can do is take hope in the fact you might end up being a better person for having experienced that, our experiences are combined to make us who we are, if you desperately need some closer, then maybe a visit, but remember that will put you on a different path, it might be better it might be worse, if you feel like you can move on, do so, but if not, don't beat yourself up over it and try and rectify the situation, if you have any questions about this comment send me a message with "your comment" in the subject. I hope this was helpful.