I Don't Know What To Do Or Why I Do What I Do

I've had a lot of things go on in my life relatively recently. My parents got divorced last year, and they're constantly at each others' throats and get my brother and especially me in the middle of it a lot. I don't really particularly like my mom for numerous reasons, and in general I get along much better with my dad since I very much take after him. I used to be able to vent about it to my girlfriend, but her parents randomly forced us to break up about a month ago, and then she literally disappeared for two weeks. The day she finally came back she told me she was completely over me, wanted basically nothing to do with me, and walked away. I have no idea where it came from, and I have been given no explanation or closure whatsoever. I feel like it has to be impossible for her to have felt so strongly for me and then after just two weeks of us not seeing each other she not only doesn't have feelings for me any more, but she doesn't even want anything to do with me. Especially after everything I have done for her in helping her with everything that she has going on in her life (including depression, her parents and everything they bring which is just disgusting how bad it is with them, her social situation, how she deals with her problems, having been taken advantage of by the only other two guys she has ever even kissed before, one of which forced himself on top of her, her general feeling of loneliness, and much more). We haven't talked since that day, which was almost two weeks ago now. I still see her around, and every time I see her I want to punch something, anything as hard as I can. She has a lot on her plate. I know and understand that, and her parents are very, very, very rough to deal with (I have too many stories about how terrible they are). But now she won't talk to me, and I feel mature enough to say that I do love her, and I definitely mean that, despite only being in my late teenage years, and I am having a ridiculously difficult time getting over her. I've also become much more cynical lately. I am somewhat beginning to hate the people that I'm surrounded by, but it's not a normal dislike that I might have for someone. Instead it's that I don't understand them, or rather they don't understand me, and I question why I waste my time with these people. I've become depressed, at least temporarily, because of all this, and I am just not as much of my old self anymore. Am I maturing much faster than many of my peers or are they maturing too slowly? There are only a handful of people, many of which are fortunately my closest friends, who I feel I can actually hold intelligent conversations with any more, but none of them can fully appreciate or understand what I am experiencing right now. I am beginning to feel more and more alone and I traverse through my life each day, and I really don't know when anything that I just described will get any better, if at all. Everything is very confusing, and my life has gone from extremely simple to real life in the matter of about one year. I still dream about her just about every night and cry myself to sleep often. I usually have a lot of trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep, too. I never really know what to do with myself anymore. I want to talk to someone, but I don't think I have anyone to talk to who will be able to give me the talk I want and desperately need. I am lost.
MomentOfTruth1897 MomentOfTruth1897
18-21, M
May 13, 2012