Same Story As Others On This Site

Sadly, I am in this position due to many years of a sexless marriage.  I feel totally trapped and think this is a solution to make my life livable. Life is too short to be unhappy and miserable. If anyone is in the Westchester, New York, drop me a email.
mantnns mantnns
46-50, M
6 Responses Mar 28, 2011

I haven't been married for over 20+ years but my dad and mom have been. If my father ever has those thoughts, I hope someone will tell him, "Daddy, don't." You have no idea the amount of pain it'll cause. And it'll be more painful if he does it out of boredom! If you want an affair, then be a better person and tell your wife that you want a divorce. Tell your children, if you have any, that you're not happy. Don't let them live with your selfish choice. That'll cause wounds that will never heal. And if they hurt, you'll hurt a million times deeper for their pain. Your conscience won't be able to bear the agony of knowing that you broke your own home.

Oh I'm torn on this issue for you...I was married just short of 24 years. very happily married for about 18 or so. Then my wonderful husband turned into a raging alcoholic. I endured for as long as I could. He put me through it, lying, cheating, failed re-hab, verbal abuse, treated our kids like s***. Sad to see such a great guy go down like that. ( he's still in that black hole, all alone) SO, I finally left him, then jumped right into an affair with an old friend from school....Affair because he was married, but i was SO longing for love, attention, awesome sex, and it was GREAT! But, it wasn't complete, a.k.a. the "wife" . For a time it was just what I needed and as my therapist says "a bridge" for me to get to the other side! LOL. I saw him almost two years....Ending it was so difficult, much harder than walking away from my marriage.....<br />
I guess I'm saying think things through.....there is someone out there for you. You will be happy again, just realize if that person is married and you fall in love........You could be setting yourself up to fall hard and get hurt...OR hurt someone who may fall for you, if your not YET available. .Don't force the issue. When it's right, you will know...Patience does pay off. Sometimes it's hard to see, but you will see.... I feel for you, understand you, lonliness sucks, but it won't last forever....Look ahead...I'm as happy as ever now, when there was def a time I thought I never would be again....<br />
take care.......

I understand where you are coming from. I am going to see a counselor, because it seems as though my hubby thinks I`m the one with the problems, because I can not live a life of just exisiting in his home. This is my second marriage, and when we met, I thought for sure he was going to be the one to be here for me,Soon after we said our I do`s, I think he forgot his end and it is strictly I DO. I can understand you wanting to find someone you can share some good times with. I`m in the same boat, and would give anything to find someone to laugh and enjoy some time with. Why does marriage end everything that was there before. I too believe I would not have any guilt feelings about spending some time with someone who could make me feel like me, instead of just his maid. Boy I went on a long time about nothng didin`t I.

thanks sea4 for your thoughtful and caring ideas but because I didn't give a through story, you are unaware of the full situation...<br />
This is a second marriage for both of us and were in our late 30's when we both met. We dated exclusively for more than 7 years. I was wary of getting married a second time but thought that after these many years of being happy, I thought she was the "One". Actually I once expressed verbally that sex or intimacy was a very important part of my life, since my first marriage had those issues. Well, from the every first year, thing rapidly went downhill. And to present time, which is now ten years way...way Worse...about 2-3 months for any sex...I'm done...<br />
The counselor thing....she's in therapy for 2-3 years now and on an anti depressant medication<br />
What she talks about there sure beats me..I have been in marriage counseling many years from my first marriage and individual counseling following so I think I kind of have my act together.<br />
The affair thing...in a heartbeat if I can find one...no moral problem for me..<br />
I am saving financially to get out...and there are other issues that I am not bringing up in this forum.. but unable to leave for a while...but appreiate your feedback just the same

Choose to change your life to what works for you. <br />
1. Seek a councilor.<br />
2. Try talking to her about how you feel.<br />
3. You could have an affair but this can be tough. Its not for everyone. It can be a struggle to live with depending on your moral ob<x>jections to it. Some people find it is the solution and only you can decided.<br />
<br />
In the end choose a course of action so you feel you have made a positive change.<br />
I wish you the best as my story is the same as yours.

Choose to change your life to what works for you. <br />
1. Seek a councilor.<br />
2. Try talking to her about how you feel.<br />
3. You could have an affair but this can be tough. Its not for everyone. It can be a struggle to live with depending on your moral ob<x>jections to it. Some people find it is the solution and only you can decided.<br />
<br />
In the end choose a course of action so you feel you have made a positive change.<br />
I wish you the best as my story is the same as yours.