Now What?I share in the all-too-common story, I guess. Mid 50's, Married to one woman since 25. Grown kids. Faithful. Good job with a good income. Lucky enough to share in traveling a great deal. My wife has struggled with depression for some time and I've been there for her; ups and downs, sad days and good ones, fury and withdrawal. We've had some times when sex became rare, but things would improve. Then it finally happened...Romance, Sex, Loving, Passion; it all shrank to a little bit of romance and a tiny bit of sex, to a tiny bit of sex, to nothing. Before, sex had slowed to once a month or so, with one or two times when it would be 3-4 months between evenings of lovemaking, but then things would get better.
And I understand (in my head) that it's the depression. 25 years of meds later, trust me, I know more about clinical depression that I could possibly write. And it's not her fault, I got that as well. And I want to support her and feel like a heel even considering anything else, but she has decided that she is "done". Sex is only a "man" thing afterall, "women don't care". And I don't buy it. I've given about as much as I have to give and my patience is quickly coming to an end.
I've considered a prostitue (legal in my part of the world) but that doesn't feel right. One night stands? I'd be awful at that, because I can't imagine sex without SOME strings; strings and familarity are part of the fun and excitement. Someone to share a bath with, to eat fruit and drink champaign in bed, someone to be passionate, a tease, willing to try and laugh at mistakes, someone not only for sex, but for romance and passion...what I wouldn't give!
I'm trying to convince myself that this is a lose/lose situation, but down inside I feel like the song says, "I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was"... So I work harder, exercise more, stay on my hobbies, try to find ways to ignore something that is never far from my mind.
I keep thinking "if there was a woman out there, in a similar situation, we could provide for each other and still care for our spouses, not betray something we believe in, yet still find fulfillment we currently lack"...yeah, right. And find her how? A dating site? Pick-up in a bar? I don't want to destroy someone else's marriage. I don't want to trash my wife. I just want a lover, a friend, a companion, even if it is only part time.
Is that really too much/
maddubh 56-60, M 15 Responses 7 Sep 19, 2011