I Fantasize....

I fantasize about having an affair, but deep down don't think I could go through with it. I have been with the same man and only him for almost 18 yrs. It would be scary and strange, but then there is that part of me that would love excitement and to feel alive again. I fantasize about my ex boyfriend from years ago while having sex with my husband. That man was an AMAZING lover.... I would have multiples every time. Just thinking about the things he did, makes me blush and get hot all over. If the chance presented itself, I would love to have him in bed again. I actually have dreams about it.

I also believe I fantasize about having an affair because mostly emotionally my needs are not being met in this marriage and I feel very alone. I would love to feel close to someone again, have some one to share things with and do things with. My husband treats me badly and more like a indentured servant than a wife. I am a work horse, maid and I know he doesn't love me....

So I don't know, if the perfect opportunity presented itself....maybe, just maybe...
blissfulmiss blissfulmiss
36-40, F
46 Responses Apr 30, 2012

i can agree with most of the comments ive too consider having anfair but i dont want to hurts my kids or end up hurt by a stranger but im so lonely i just dont want to settle for any guy ive been married 20yrs in nov only been with 3 guys sad but true ive brought some toys to try to make it better in bed for us n he hides them cause he jealous of the toy getting me to the place he cant has anyone ever gone past thoughts n acted on them just curious

Hi its good your still considering an affair it is you feeling a need for more in life so I say do it if you don' t you will always wonder and most likely regret

That's a bummer. So, any progress?

Go for it, when it presents itself...

i live yr life in another town or state lol ive been married almost 20yrs ive never cheater never gave anyone chance to get close enough but im lonely inside n out my husband loves me to death he saids but the spark between us has been gone for many yrs ive been reading 50 shades of grey OMG OMG I FEEL SO ALIVE DOWN THERE FEELINGS THOUGHTS OF JUST PLAYING WITH THE IDEA IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO AROUSING TO ME I LIKE THIS FEELING ITS ASHAMED I FEEL THE NEED TO FEEL THAT FOR REAL WITH A STRANGER BUT IM SOOOOO CONFUSED BUT SOOOO READY TO LIVE AGAIN

If the right guy turned up you'd do it. Heck, people who had NO intentions of having an affair have found themselves embroiled...

Honey do it feel appreciated and desired something a lover can bring you


Yall should go to counseling. If it's past the point of blase stagnation and he's just ****** to you either he needs to change his ways or pis off. A lady deserves better, no matter who she is pretty much, for sure.

Its time honey every wife needs to feel desirable and what better than a lover

You're a good woman for not doing so yet but it's ahrd as hell to not let loose

try it out and you will like it just make it safe like travel to another city or better yet another country. Complete industry exist in UAE where women can hookup with fine european men and spend a few days of their freedom.

First of all ,i think you sould have a very important talk with your husband.Tell him that you are unhappy by the way he treats you and that you think he doesnt love you.Tell him your thoughts.
18 years is alot of time to go whasted with an affair.It will only make things whorse.Try to make your hubby understand your feelings.i truly belive that the best way to change a marriage is if both of you try to understad eachothers needs and wants.Don't forget an EX
is an EX for a reason.Now if that doesn't work ,then you can get a divorce first,and then
date other people.It will be fair to you and your husband.

You may be my alter-ego. I'll add you and mail you... if you ignore me it's OK

Pls dont do anything silly .becoz 1st think about the reputation of ur in d society. I gone through dis but some 1 catch me red handed. Now i m d enemy of many people dear. So dont waste ur life in dis stuffs

dont do it....the level of hurt that would take place is insurmountable...once you have made the decision to have the affair with the man from your past...life as you know it is over...their is no such thing as FWB...one or the other will become emotionally involved...share your fantasies with your husband...tell him what turns you on... continue to fantasize about your former lover...but IF you do this...life will only get worse...

I know how you feel. Not only to yearn for a past lover, but to be taken for granted. So what happened??

What ever happened? Did you start taking ice cold showers?

Dear blissfulmiss how do you know he doesn't love you? You mean he doesn't care about you at all? You are like a sreanger in the house/Did he abuse you and turn violent/ You love your children isn't it?

I would suggest tat u dnt go wit it if ur husband can't satisfy u talk to him tell him wat feels good n wat does not I tell its worth investing time in ur marriage den to have fun n regret later

hw about sharing with me i can do a good licking

What? Can he not do his thing to the fullest? You need a guy to massage your feet. Slowly kiss his way up your legs, breathe hot air on your wet little ****. Then **** the **** out of you while using a vibrator to make you have multiple *******. As it just starts to feel even better every time. And trust me, you wouldn't be able to get enough of an eight inch ****...

I fantasize about it, too. And the sexual part is secondary to the emotional contact that I dream of having with someone.

I definitely could not go through with it. I've made it this far, I have to stick it out another three years. Otherwise, the commitment I made to myself in 1994 would go to waste, and my kids are the most important things.

If he doesn't value you then why don't u deserve a fun and exhilerating boyfriend? A woman enjoying some singe-gal time and just being HER after dealing w such crap at home can be beautiful.

I will tell you that an affair will only destroy the relationship you have now with your husband. You should really consider everything before the deed is done because you can't take it back.

Now if you just want what you had with your ex then talk to your husband. You can ask for things on a food way and even make it sound like your thinking of him in the process. Tell him "You know what I would like to try......." Them insert what you want done to you. If your husband still wants to be with you then he should respond in kind. I constantly think about sex and I have thoughts about other women but I have to push those thoughts onto my wife. I have been approached by other women who have wanted to have an affair, that is always the easy road to take. Don't give up tell your husband what you want and see where that takes you first.

"Just thinking about the things he did" Did you ever talk to your husband in a sensitive way about what you might like him to do - any of those things?

But would it help, or just make you more miserable. That is the question. I wish you the best.

I have often wondered if it was possible to be married and have a lover. It sounds wonderful, but only a rear thing I think.

we all deserve happiness Bliss, If talking to your husband about your feelings and needs would not help you have few choices left. Be faithfull and unhappy or make a change in your life and go for happiness. Best wishes DP

I recently read your post and I totally understand the pain that you are feeling. This feeling of emptiness is a feeling shared by many. We want you to know that you are not alone in this situation. There are many ways of dealing with issues like the one you are speaking about. Sometimes we lose that spark, this in turn causes us to stray from what we care about so deeply. The good thing is I am working on a new project that is literally geared to help people just like you. I am a producer looking to mend couples relationships with the help of professional marriage counselors. This project is a new docu-series we are filming where we will be taking couples and putting them in a relaxing and romantic environment. This will get you away from everyday life so you can really get the quality time needed to help get your marriage back on track.. Please feel free to give me a call to discuss further. 323.860.6745 You can speak with Mark if I am not available. I hope to hear from you soon. <br />
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Sarah<br />
<br />
Couples Retreat Marriage Help Program<br />

I am in the same boat, but I am a man, my wife doesn't pay attention to me... I'm not sure where I am headed..

I share the same experience, but from a male's perspective. I know that when I was young I was foolish. I hadn't the slightest idea about what I wanted out of life, and neither did she. We both went in completely different directions, but share a set of beautiful twins. My children are why I stay in the marriage. I would love to leave, but I can't imagine putting my children through divorce, primarily because I know my wife cannot handle things maturely and I fear she would use the kids as pawns. I too dream of the day I meet someone whom I can truly connect with, intellectually, emotionally, and physically. If the perfect opportunity presented itself, I wouldn't hesitate.

I know, we make decisions that can effect the rest of our lives when younger n foolish. Learning experiences maybe.... but usually there are kids involved, that complicates it. There is a tie to this person for the rest of our lives. Divorce is very difficult and my husband can be a nasty, nasty ***** of a player, he would definitely use our kids as pawns and already does. I am so fed up and frustrated and feel like a piece of me is dieing every day. I have read where some people say having an affair saved their marriage and gave them happiness. I would be guilt ridden and am afraid it would just make me want out even more, I don't need any more forbidden fruit in my life... ;-(

I'm sorry to read this. It's tough, I know. When it comes to an extra marital affair, you have to be sure you are ready to manage the guilty emotions, and your extra marital partner must be ready as well, and offer you the support you will need.

Wow it's like I'm you same time being married and only sex with him. I am trying to get the courage to have fun with someone but it's hard I feel you! Would love to know if you went through with it?

I don't know if you want to break a relationship for nothing! Your relationship has grown and every tiny moment counts... My wife wants to hear 'her' answers... So, she would keep asking questions that way... Throws tantrums...<br />
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But lets face it, deep down she loves me a lot and I love her too... So, if you want to walk out, it is okay, but think of saving a relationship... Someone is always hurt in a break-up and many times, its for the wrong reasons!<br />
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I fantasize about affairs, but I know its no good to have one. I would rather be with my wife and make our life more enjoyable, than look for pleasure at the cost of happiness! Mark the words pleasure and happiness!!!

the saddest thing about an affair is it's over when it's done, then the guilt sets in, every time you look at the other person, you can over time rid yourself and justify yourself as to why it had to be done. I see you are a Scorpio and young, if your husband will not meet your needs, give him an ultimatum, i married you because i love you and expect love in return, both physical and spiritual. If the answer is no, you may want to move out, believe me, there are many men looking for a sexy wife who never says no, i know, i have one, my first wife just wasn't interested and that was frustrating as i was 19, now I'm 51 and very happy. I thought as a bloke, who would want me, my wife is 8 years younger and loves me lots, so, the moral of this story, there is some one who will endeavor to meet your needs physically, sexually and spiritually, my wife is scorpio, i am gemini, she says she has 2 men, i have issues, she has issues, we work together for the benefit of the other and we love each other completely, all the best in your search for happiness.

Sure wish I was close enough to entice you. I wish you all the best.

I was at the breaking point myself two years into my marriage. My husband was on the "fast track" at his firm and spent 25 days out of 30 on the road somewhere. When he was home, he went golfing or slept in our spare bedroom. When we had sex ( five times in six months) it was good. I needed a lot more in that area, but he didn't want to hear my whining. <br />
I began to fantasize about a married co-worker and, as the weeks went on, I knew I had to do something or go crazy. Fate stepped in then and his wife went on a month long training trip to Canada. I ashed him to lunch one day and we hit it off very well. A few more lunches led to dinner at my place. you can guess the outcome. The foreplay lasted an hour and the sex was fantastic. We were hooked on each other from that night on. It was a time of my life I do not regret and I think about him when hubby and I are in bed. Even five years later, the two of us get together just for the sex and it's still great! So, don't just dream about it---DO IT!!!

I think for me its not about boring sex, its about no sex. I have actually forgotten what it feels like to hold a woman, nothing seperating our naked bodies, that incredible feeling when we reach that point of no return and "its on". Ive considered affair as well, however I would be very nervous as well, and I dont know that I would ever be confortable in finding the right partner.

Good luck to you, I hope you find yours...

The emotional aspects of an affair can get complicated, but if you are able to separate the friendship and sex that you're enjoying with a new man and the commitment you have to your husband, then you may find that your life can get rebalanced and you will find a lot more happiness for yourself. Your husband may even notice how content you seem at home!

I'm writing from the other side--the man side. I had an affair a long time ago. My wife never found out, but I still regret it. Once you've done it you can never go back. If you want to do something, see if your husband will go for some wife swapping. That way everything's still on an even basis. BTW, stop by and see and comment on my pictures. I think you'll enjoy them--and you won't have to feel guilty :)

I know how you feel ... i literally ache for an affair..for a woman who i could just be myself around..to have great sex with..but I just dont know if I could handle the guilt. Even though I feel like I am not in a healthy relationship, I would feel like I am letting my kids down for some reason...is that normal?

I'd probably be the same way. I would feel like I am betraying my family and I've always been too honest and pride myself in being faithful to one for near 20 yrs. Besides I would be afraid of risking everything and then being disappointed.... that would be my luck. ;-) I have to admit I would love an emotional affair, then who knows.... but then do I really want the complications of getting a taste for what I can't really have??? Yeah, I put a lot of thought into it.... ;-)

yep..i know..talking emailing sharing your most intimate and personal dreams, thoughts, the stuff that make you ..you.. knowing and then dealing with the feelings of release..that flood..of emotions connecting with someone emotionally, and then craving to fulfill that physically, and knowing you cant. Its sounds cruel. But then again here we are sharing our feelings, our desires. I had a certain release yesterday after all these years just being able to share with another woman and not be judged..it feels so freeing. I am so glad i found this site.. its helping restore my faith in the future.


Oh i know what you mean, i went to have an affair so bad but i am still very hesitant because i know my husband loves me, we've been together 11 years but sex has became boring last 6 years...

If you're like most women in your shows that I've met... You'll be thankful once you get past the guilt of doing it. You'll be much happier, and in a better place to evaluate you marriage. Give yourself the opportunity to feel attractive, again, but be discreet until you're sure.

I did dream about fantasies with different women that I was interested in... finally my wife consented for me to take her cousin out for a weekend at a casino in Tunica, MS... I loved every minute... gambling, dancing, sex....<br />
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lucky man that she let you do that.

WOW!! Have you written about it on here? Wouldn't that be a bit complicated at the next family reunion? lol


I understand. Good luck and do what makes you happy!

Hey Missy.. Do not get sad.. Just keep ur laptop computer aside.Take shower, fit in ur best clothes with high spirits and just move out of the house. Even if your man is home, u can just get out alone and tell him "Baby I will be back home in a while".. Remember ur spirits are high so people will surely have to spend time to look at u... I'd say do something to gain attention ;)... and go to a coffee shop give happy n confident smile to everyone who looks at u.. Treat urself missy.... U deserve it... I am sure u will attract somebody (Cud b the man u married will be as he was 18 years back???) rejuvenate urself!!!!

You will in time. It's only going to get worst as time goes on. Just wait till an opportunity comes along and you turn it down. You will start regretting you didn’t take it and start wanting it even more. You need that passion in your life just like I do. Be careful

I completely agree with this. I was feeling the same way in my marriage (except my husband wasn't mean to me, compared to what you say about your husband)- even down to fantasizing about my ex, who I hadn't seen in YEARS. I did turn down an opportunity (not w/o *some* steamy moments), and while I didn't regret not sleeping with him, I began to realize that I would never have those moments with my husband. And I wanted it even more (b/c I had had a taste).