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I have been married for 35 years and have been basically sexless relationship for the last 10+.  I would love to have an affair, but my questions is- why do I find someone to have an affair with?  I work in a small family owned company.  I am overweight, although in the last year I have lost 55 pounds.  I am very well known in my town, as is my family so trolling bars is not an option.  Where can I find someone who will treat me like I want to be treated?  I just want to feel wanted.
lonlywife lonlywife 51-55, F 13 Responses May 8, 2012

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Hi like to chat?

This is an extremely frusterating issue, I know.from experience having lived in a.sexless marriage. I have a very strong sex.drive.and did have an affair. In many ways I.didnt regret it as.it was pretty intense.and the sex was mind blowing. The emotional.toll,.well tbat was not fun to say the least. I dont regret the experience though because it made me realize what I was missing. We cannot change the past, but we can direct out future.

Are you still looking ?.

I think the best place to find someone is at a safe distance. A few states away, so that the two of you can learn about each other first. Visit online first, then by phone and so forth. I've been reading your stories and we sound very similar, esp the weight. Let's be friends at least for now.

Look at my profile and if interested message me, looking for a long distance affair to start

Why do you not have sex with your partner. Is it an attraction thing or is it him. Can he not do it?

That is a very good question. Not sure if my husband can or not- he denies there is a problem, but that is typical, nothing is ever wrong with him. Basically it comes down to I don't feel wanted by him. I was the initiator in the past and I don't feel I should beg for him to love me and have sex with me. If he is interested why can't he show it? I was attracted to him- now I am so hurt I don't know. My pain is very present and real to me and not to him. He doesn't acknowledge it or me.

In my experience most men cannot resist when sex is offered. I feel he may have a physical problem. Is he able to get a hard on. Perhaps talk to him about this.

I would also set up something to see if he masturbates. If he doesn't and you are sure he is not having an affair he may have a physical problem

Hey not trying to sound out of line but you seem like a very nice and loving women someone i would love to no alittle better.. Would you be interested in having a online affair for alittle while??? you can messeage me..

You do have a good point about the possibility of a physical problem. I will also tell you that the majority of men out there in their 40's and 50's will never admit to having a physical problem when in reality, they may. It will take an honest, candid discussion with him to find that out.

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I could have written your story myself. Almost nine years without real marital sex, (and no more than semi-annual before that) and yet how would I go about having an affair? I've looked at the sites like Ashley Madison but am concerned about meeting a wacko (scenes form the movie Fatal Attraction go through my head). I love my wife (28 yrs) and we get along well in so many ways and have built a great life together - good kids, two dogs, vacation home at the beach etc. We've both been very successful. The American Dream except for the sex thing. I have tried to discuss the problem over the years and have even expressed my frustrations with the problem in the form of emotional love letters. she would say, "I know .. You're right. I'm being selfish." But she has never been able to have a meaningful conversation with me on the topic. To complicate matters, she went through treatment for breast cancer treatment a few years ago. The treatments and drug regimen totally throw a woman's hormones and body chemistry into a tailspin (especially for the type of cancer she had which fed off of estrogen). ( By the way, I have yet to see a meaningful article published about this side effect of cancer treatment and the impact it has on women). Unlike, John Edwards, I have remained loyal. But if an opportunity presented itself ... I am only human. I have to ask for any form of sexual relief, which I think she only provides out of guilt or pity. I guess that technically means we are not truly sexless, but it isn't exactly fulfilling. And it has been that way for 20 years. It has been difficult and I am sad and angry about it. Sorry ... in one of those moods where I had to vent.

If you would like to chat about this, please let me know. I am in a similar situation.

Send me an email; I'm in a similar situation after 36 years of marriage and would love to chat.

Is it fair, however, to continue being hurt, feeling like your not worth being with anymore? Marriage goes both ways. There are many reasons why people have affairs, yet no one ever thinks about the one doing it and why. They always seem to put blame on the one who cheats instead of asking why or pointing the finger at the one cheated on. I have too thought of having an affair because im tired of the past 10 years of getting sex once every 6 to 8 months. I want a wife not a room mate ya know

I just don't understand any of it. He says he loves me but treats me like a roommate. What did I do to make him stop showing me he loves me? And why do I think it is my fault?

I know what how ya feel. As for an answer, if I had one I'd answer my own problem as well. I use to blame my self, but I know now its not me.

I would ask that before you have an affair, I hope that you reconsider. I had my entire turned upside down when after 16 years of marriage, I came home to find my husband having an affair. I lost everything that day. Everything. My world was turned upside down in a brief moment. You have no idea what I a affair does to the other person emotionally. Not to mention, you simply cannot have an affair and not get emotionally attached very quickly to the person you are having an affair with. You will think it's love very quickly. You will be fooled and lose everything you have. I encourage you to try and work things out with your partner. If not, please get out and do not put the other person in that position. After all, you married this person because you loved him, give him the respect to walk away before you have an affair. Don't hurt him like this. Sorry had to say my peice.

Thank you very much. I really never thought what effect it would have on him. I thought that because of the way he treats me he wouldn't care if I have an affair. You have given me to think about.

Have you talked to him about having an OPEN relationship ? I asked my wife a few years ago, but she wouldn't hear of it. We almost divorced over it. I wouldn't have minded a divorce, except it's too late for me to start over again. I didn't want to lose all of our stuff.

You've been extremely considerate of him. Get your needs met. You'll know better what to do once you have - whether to stay or go.

I visited Ashley Madison. I little hesitant, how do I know these men are what they say they are. Maybe I am not wholeheartedly into this affair thing. I really do love my husband but not sure if I can live with him. I am so confused and hurt. He asked two days ago if he could sleep in bed with me, I said yes, and that is exactly what he has done- sleep. Today my mother went to the oncologist, to find out about her cancer, and did he even bother to text me to find out how it went? I say text because a phone call is WAY beyond what I can expect from him. I don't trust him anymore, how can I ever have sex with him again?

There is always the opportunity. You can choose to do it virtually, on a computer via video or chat long distance, or you could look in areas where you travel on a regular basis. You could choose to find someone in a neighboring town and come up with an excuse to have to visit that town routinely. Just talking out loud. It is really up to you and your drive and how important that feeling and passion is.