I'm Too Young For This

First off I have to say I love my wife. I dont know if it was medical problems that have driven her sex life away as she says or if it is something else. She refuses to talk to me about it clearly. Either way, she wants nothing to do with sex. She wants nothing to do with anything that might even lead to sex. She refuses to even give me an old fashioned ******* now. I've tried everything I can think of. All I get is "no" or pushed away. I've suggested counseling but she says she loves me (and I believe she does) but she just doesn't want sex anymore. We are 44 years old. Every time she refuses me, turns me away again and again I feel less like a man. I also feel less like doing things around the house. Where's the reward? So I've come to the conclusion I need a girlfriend. One who doesn't expect marriage since I dont plan to divorce my wife. I just need the physical intamacy the joy of the sex act and the simple release of stress that sex can provide. The nearest thing to sex between us is when we go to sleep she allows me to hold a breast. Not enough.
tbaskco tbaskco
41-45, M
12 Responses Jun 2, 2012

A wife has a duty to have sex with her husband. Somebody needs to explain that to her. I realize that duty is an old fashioned word. We need to bring it back.

Lot of women have problems with low sexual drive. She should have her hormones checked. The mother of all sex hormones DHEA is probably very low. She can replace that if it is the problem. But with women in is usually a emotional connection that is problem == seek medical help.


I'm in your shoes my husband just doesn't seem interested. And if we do have sex I'm doing most of the work I pull out all the stops and I feel invisible. I completely understand why you would consider what your thinking of doing. We're human and sex is a beautiful part of life I know I need it to keep me sane sometimes. Our sex life is decreasing little by little I would hate it to lead to nothing. I love my husband but his dead libido makes me look at other men an wonder. It's a damn shame :(

Im in the same exact situation as you :(

IF you want to save your marriage, you both need to get some counseling, going down the affair route will ultimately lead to separation and divorce. There is a reason she is disinterested in sex, and if she does love you like you believe, that reason needs to be uncovered and discussed in an open and honest way. I speak from experience, my ex was disinterested because SHE was having an affair and had no interest in seeing a counselor. Good luck!

I'm currently in the same situation as your wife, however I'm 28 and my husband is 30. I stopped having sex with him about 6 years ago, because I just wasnt into sex anymore. I still love him I'm just not a sexual person and I feel I mislead him when we first met because we had sex all the time our first year of marriage now its probably 3 times a year. So I understand if he have sex with another woman. I wouldnt be excited about it but I understand. Men want sex woman want a viking stove, and if we're not getting what we want well find a way to satisfy our itch. Therefore if your going to cheat l, get a professional and not someone that's going to get fellings for you or someone you have to explain your situation to. She just want to eter compensated and you just want an organism so it all works out.

I'm in the same boat but also a woman... We were taught that men love sex and want it 24/7.... and my husband does not... It has been since January with no sex, and it is killing me.<br />
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He calls it a chore and that he does not see why I think it is important. To him it is not. He doesn't want to do anything about it because HE does not have a problem with how anything is, he is ok with it. That breaks my heart. <br />
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He would be great if it weren't for the sex. :-(

Everybody's too young for this and it's a club nobody wants to have joined. I empathize with what you're going through. My wife jokingly called it her "wifely duty." Little did she realize how that made me feel.<br />
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Affairs are tricky because it is VERY difficult to sever the emotional component from the physical because of the intimacy you share with your partner, whomever they are. And the costs of "getting found out" are high monetarily as well as emotionally.<br />
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The question then becomes: What are you looking for? <br />
To vent? OK- it's off your chest. (Everyone in our boat does it and we're here for each other in various groups)<br />
Permission to cheat? I'm sure you can find that here if you're looking for it.<br />
A solution with your wife where your sex life comes back from the dead and there is peace and light and pretty flowers? Talk to her (and a counselor). You can't find that here. You can find guidance here from some folks who've been in this boat longer than you have. But you have to recognize that as much as we have the same problem that you do, we're all in different situations so one person's solution may not work for you.<br />
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Good luck.

Similar but different. My wife has been ill for years. A couple of years ago, my wife said I could accept opportunities and just not let her know. There were opportunities but I sensed that would just begin another problem. I went on C-list and found a couple looking for guy for her. We got acquainted and I am set up for a week from now. He wants to watch and do this for her and she wants to know what another guy feels like after being with just her hubby for 25 years. So, I am about to find out how this goes.

good luck

exactly. don't think for a min. that your 'girlfriend' is NOT going to get feelings for you. Unfortunately, that's not really how women operate. I have contemplated an affair with my brother in law (yes my husband's brother) and I know that's ****** but I am getting desperate much like some of you probably are. I do also have feelings for him and that's probably why I would even contemplate this affair in the 1st place. Your girlfriend will get feelings too and next thing u know you're going to wind up on Springer, think about it is that what you want? I have NOT done anything with my BIL b/c I know how it will turn out and it won't be good.

Great advice. I dont need some girl knocking on my door or calling!

Be careful. No matter what, if you act on your feelings it will not turn out well

I can relate . I rented a hotel room for our 15 wedding anniversary back in March .She only gave me some oral sex .I didn't even get to *** . I wanted to make love , she said she was on her period & didn't want to. A week later she tell me I should of asked her to go into the shower we could have did it there . I think that was bull ——!<br />
She told me she didn't want to . If she really wanted to she would have did it .My wife is 44 & I am 38 .I am too young for this . I met a 30 year woman back in January we are in love with each other we haven't had sex yet but I don't know how long I'm gonna to remain faithful to my marriage.

News for you, mybonita. if you are in love with someone else, you are not faithful to the marriage!

I've been in a similar situation with my wife. I feel I would like to have a relationship with someone else. It just scares me to think that it's going to get found out about and I will really pay for it then. I just need a girl that thinks I live out of town and does not mind me calling when I am in town once a week. I have been married before and lost everything over the divorce and this time I have so much more to loose. I have a ph number of a girl that will do the Bj thing for some electric bill money but I just have a hard time spending money on that deal.<br />
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Your wife has done you about the same way mine has dine me. You don't need sex!<br />
On our anniversary last year she would not give it up after renting a cabin in Estes park co.<br />
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It was a real page turner for me. I see a psychologist and have identified some things I need to work on so I can get this deal fixed. I unfortunately feel like I am going to be single in the upcoming next year. Best of luck. I think I am going to tell my wife that if she does not take care of her responsibility then I can find some one that will! :(