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Curious

I have been married for going on 15 yrs. and I have only been with him. Yes, I was a virgin when I got married. I wouldn't probably have these feelings but he has cheated on me and I can't have the same sex with him like I use to. I hear my friends talk about their own experiences and I sit there just listening to all the different stories. Can't help but to be curious about it all. Is it really bad to have these thoughts and feelings? I feel like a terrible person.
frick1 frick1 31-35, F 17 Responses Jul 30, 2012

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Determine what you feel/believe to be the right behavior that will allow you to love yourself. No one here can tell you what that is for you.

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Hi frick1,



It's not worth it! There will never be a time that an affair won't cost you dearly - even if only in terms of your own self respect. If the feelings get too strong, end it with him and start over with someone else, but please don't cheat.

I know how you feel because my wife cheated on me for a year, or more possibly. I cherished our marriage and her. I love our children so much. I was wrecked when I found out. Ever since that happened, things have not been the same. I don't want to stoop to the level of a cheater but it crosses my mind as a way of addressing the pain.

I don't think it is bad to think about it....I do all the time and I too am married.

No you are not a terrible person. I feel that once your mate has cheated on you, he has at the same time given you a green light to do the same. I really think that you probably should consider a divorce and then indulge your fantasies all you want.

No I don't think you are a terrible person and I do not think its wrong to have those thoughts. You were hurt. Its only natural to feel the way you do.

I am very sorry to hear that you are unhappily married :(

Don't be too harsh on yourself. We are humans, we think of and do a lot of mistakes. However, sometimes a "mistake" is the right thing to do.

Your only human. We are, at our core, animals and it's our instinct to mate with the most suitable partner and since we are constantly meeting new people that urge is forever changing. It's only instinct to mate with others to insure our genitic line is secure. Now that doesn't necessarily mean we want children but the primal urge is there non the less. To put it bluntly it's a normal feeling we most have.

My lady's not unsatisfied but she does have a 'boyfriend' she sees once a week or so. We are mainly a fairly normal couple, just a little bit of 'she dates, he waits', lol.

I am in the same position. My wife is the only woman I have ever been with. We started dating in highschool an got married after college. We wernt virgins when we got married but we were the each others first and only. She recently confessed to cheating on me about 5 years ago with another man.



I felt like divorcing her right then. The only reason I didnt was that when she cheated 5 years ago our marriage was in shambles. I have never cheated on her, but 5 years ago I was strongly considering it.



Now I dont know what to do. She is the only woman I have ever been with, but now I am not the only man she has been with. I cant live with that.

hey frick1 u need to also try another d... and see how it feels ur husband was fortunate to take ur virginity and i wish i could show u what a nice piece feels like.

ITS NORMAL FOR A MAN OR WOMAN TO WONDER WHAT SEX IS LIKE WITH ANOTHER , OTHER, EVEDENTLY YOUR MAN IS HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE SAME OLD THING AND HAS BEEN TRYING HIS LUCK ELSEWHERE. THERE DISCREET PLACES YOU CAN GO TO SEE IF ITS HIM OR YOU IF HES DOING IT SO CAN YOU. JUST BE CREFUL AND DONT FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND DONT GET CAUGHT LIKE HE DID

I think it is normal to wonder what sex with another man would be like My wife wondered and then a man friend asked her for a date She told me

By then wehad been married 5 yrs We were both a bit bored with our sex life, too routine she told me but she would not tell me what she wanted so it stayed routine

I said go on this date and see what he is like with you, so she went

It was for a dinner plus .I told her to come back home after , no sleepover

She came back late that night , very tired and glad to be home

She wouild not talk about what happened but I could tell as we made love

We have a strong marriage , it is lasting well

He has already cheated on you

My story was written in the heat of the moment, and i'm a guy, so it's less about the emotional aspects. I understand, to an extent, how you feel (curious myself). I feel aweful too, but i have nothing esle to solve my problems. While that may be sex, the emotional component of sex (intimacy) is lacking and missed. I believe the issues i face are deeper than the surface problem (maybe more emotional than i realize). What other recourse do we have in our respective situations? I cannot answer this question which is why i am talking to others feeling trapped.



If you can ignore the explicitness of my silly stories and thoughts i've posted on ep i would love to seriously work out our issues together through this site if you want. I need someone to bounce ideas off of as well. I will request a friendship. Add me if you would like to communicate.

Move on, but do so with honesty, integrity and dignity. Deception and betrayal are never the answers -- they just come back to bite you in ways you can never foresee. Godspeed.

If you can't talk it over with him and get your feelings back like you want then youshould probably consider a divorce and then indulge your fantasies to your hearts desire. Holding it all inside will only sour your marriage even more and kill all your feelings for him. If you can't even consider a divorce, then have an affair and tell him that you are even.