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my daughter wanted to live with her grandparents and one weekend while visiting with them she told them tht her father beat her and a few months later she said he molested her well he had to go to court and he took a plea deal now he is on probation and the sex offenders registry for the rest of his life i just dnt know who to believe he says he never touched her and she says she is telling the truth i have two sons to that love their father but now any activities with them i have to do alone if u were in my position would u try to keep your family together or move on to another state and try to start over get a fresh start? and to add to my troubles the only place i have found comfort in all of this is in the presence of a married man and he wants me to move closer to him so that he can have an affair with me
letbeangel letbeangel 31-35, F 9 Responses Nov 7, 2012

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First off, choose your daughter!!!!! Drop your husband & move off to another state and start over!!!!!!!

Skip the affair.
Keep family together.
Ask Jesus to break in
Seek healing. Esp your husband.
Whole family needs effective therapy with a therapist who is expert in both trauma and relationships

lets chat sometime I am a great listener who is non judgmental.sounds like to me though u should try and start some place new and away from him.just my personnel opinion,an just so u know I would never take a plea deal if I didn't do it.would u.well I hope we can talk/chat sometime.until then

To be very honest with you father or not no man take a plea if they didn't do anything.I was abusive when i was younger an i just told my mother about two years ago an im 31 yrs old thats how long i had been holding this pain please believe your daughter.just do what you feel best for you and your kids but think about it if you move closer he still won't be just yours dont invest to much in that have a back up plan no matter what

Find a better outlet for comfort...find someone not married. Why be the catalyst for his home life, OR, why settle as a side attraction? When there are others out there not involved?

help your children ... but dont help that married guy hurt a woman in a way you would not want to be hurt

A man never should have plea deal if not guilty.

It seems quite a dilema to know what's right. First I'd look at the evidence and see if there is any that corbarates either side. After that I'd look at motivations: His is more obvious; cover his guilt or defend his inocence. Either way his story will be muxh the same. How about the way he delivered his denials? Has he a history of lying? As for your daughter could she be out for revenge? How did they get along? Is she a "drama queen" or prone to exageration? Lastly look at how they behaved before the accusations did she act differently around him? Avoid him? Cringe when he came near? Do you recall anything that just seemed odd or not right? You may never know, but I know it must be devestating either way.

that is what was strange to me she wanted to be around him all the time and yes she is a major drama queen

Gee, you're in a really tough situation letbeangel. I personally have always thought it was best to try and keep a family together, that's just how I was raised. But in a situation like yours where there was criminal activity involved, you've got to be extremely careful to protect your children. Is there any way that you can review the evidence presented at your husband's trial that you could use to verify (or not) what he is telling you? (from the attorney's office who was prosecuting the case) I think I would start there, with some kind of third party verification (mutual friends or family, someone you fully trust) if at all possible. It sounds like you two are separated, if so, would there be any chance of reconciliation at some point on down the road (he'd have to demonstrate he could be trusted in the long run I would think).

Making a fresh start is certainly appealing to you I'm sure. Do you have a support system where you are thinking about going (i.e., family, friends) and a way to support yourself financially (a job)? I would think these would be a couple of important considerations, if you choose that route.

Bottom line, based on the information you've shared, if there is any way possible, I would try to keep the family together somehow. If not, I'd be very selective in choosing a new place to live. Uprooting your kids from their friends and school, etc. would be really hard on them, and on you. I wish you God's Speed. HD

thank you for your input i have been thinking this over for sometime now if i had a support sysytem it would b great but as it stands i hve only me to rely on

you're welcome, I figured you'd been contemplating your options for awhile. So what about your kids, would they go with you, or would you go alone?

i am all they have in this world so they would go with me but they are 5 and 7 so i was thinking they may adjust well if i don't wait to long

well, them being younger is definitely an advantage then. I would really study the areas that I was interested in relocating to, research the city & county's web sites, learn about what they have to offer in terms of living arrangements, jobs, and schools. Maybe visit your top two, if possible, and check it out in person before you get loaded up. Once you're there, I'd find a church so you'll be able to meet friends quickly, and have a place to connect with. This will be really good for your kids as well.

I think you are in no position to advice until you Put somem cloths on, this site is not adults only.

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