I Don't Feel GuiltyI've cheated in the past. I don't feel guilty. I love my wife. I love my kids. I love our life. It isn't that it isn't enough. It isn't that I don't try. I feel like a good husband. I contribute in every way that I can, I cook, clean, do laundry, etc. I am affectionate and romantic. I pay attention. I DO happen to live with someone who has a chronic condition and who also suffers from depression. I definitely do not get what I need most of the time. I do wish I had someone to have an affair with, online or in person. I'm not sure whether I want that out of a lack, or, I simply want it because I feel like I have a lot to give and if my wife doesn't wish to accept it that I might as well try to find someone else. Or it may just be a case of me being able to have a relationship with more than one person at the same time.
Whatever it is, I feel weird. I feel like I am SUPPOSED to only like ONE person. I feel like I want to explore more things, and do more things. She can't, or won't, so does that mean I am tied to that? Its definitely partly because of her depression and her health. I am there for her, I do everything I can for her. And yet I feel like I still have a lot to give.