I Don't Feel Guilty

I've cheated in the past. I don't feel guilty. I love my wife. I love my kids. I love our life. It isn't that it isn't enough. It isn't that I don't try. I feel like a good husband. I contribute in every way that I can, I cook, clean, do laundry, etc. I am affectionate and romantic. I pay attention. I DO happen to live with someone who has a chronic condition and who also suffers from depression. I definitely do not get what I need most of the time. I do wish I had someone to have an affair with, online or in person. I'm not sure whether I want that out of a lack, or, I simply want it because I feel like I have a lot to give and if my wife doesn't wish to accept it that I might as well try to find someone else. Or it may just be a case of me being able to have a relationship with more than one person at the same time.

Whatever it is, I feel weird. I feel like I am SUPPOSED to only like ONE person. I feel like I want to explore more things, and do more things. She can't, or won't, so does that mean I am tied to that? Its definitely partly because of her depression and her health. I am there for her, I do everything I can for her. And yet I feel like I still have a lot to give.
jhun21 jhun21
46-50, M
7 Responses Nov 29, 2012

I felt like i was writing this myself. I am exacly in the same position...

I hear you. I think what some people don't understand is that there are times when we CAN'T try new things with our spouses. Our spouses know us, they have known us for years, and a sudden change in the bedroom can bring the dreaded-----you know what I'm about to say---laughter. A lot of cheating is about role playing, about feeling free to be a different kind of person for a while, something that you just can't do with the person who watches you pee every morning and who has picked up your snotty tissues after having the flu. I'm sorry, but that's a fact. Plus, no one wants to have sex with a person who is obviously TRYING, who is doing something they don't want to do just to please you. That's one hell of a turn off.

I feel the same way.. It is almost painful

I notice it is all about "I"..... is that the problem? Your poor wife has my sympathy

It IS about the I, and that is the root of the problem. I am not getting any affection, not getting what I need, and not for lack of trying or lack of giving. I give all of my life and time to my wife and family.

Well you made your mind up but like most men and including me we make it right in our head and the shame of it all is us married men entered a contract for better or bad, once you enter the affair you are the bad guy and once it get discovered you are the bad guy and once you are the bad guy you have to open the check book if you have one and pay for the ***** you married, so dont think it is cheap or alright. It costs much, me I stayed married and we hav e worked things out. That means you are forever the bad guy thought.
You say you still have alot to give, do you have alot to spend

I don't think it's wrong.I mean, if your wife is not giving you much attention then i guess we might as well find someone who might want to,yes?The only question is:who?An old flame?

It seems to me that you have to decide if you are looking for sexual relief or a real relationship. If it's the latter then watch out as your loyalty to your wife will be really tested as the other party might want more of you than you are prepared to give of yourself.