Lost And Hurting

I already know the answer and what I should do, but I need to get this off my chest anyway...

I have been married for almost 11 years to a wonderful girl and have 2 children, 5 and 9 mos. At this point, I am in a virtually sexless marriage. She is either tired from work or on the rag. She at one point told me she really doesn't enjoy sex. If we have sex once a month, that is a lot. I've just been a man and dealt with it.

At my work, I met a young lady who is from out of town. We worked together here for a few weeks and kept in touch afterwards. Due to the nature of my job, I provide a degree of technical support and we ended up emailing and then chatting pretty much every day. I guess when there is a void, something has to fill it. Eventually, she sent me her number and then we started texting. A short while later, she tells me she doesn't want to communicate outside of work (even though we don't really work together). I deleted her number, de-friended her on FB and never initiated communication at work. Of course, she still initiated with me. About a week or so ago, she texted me at random and we have been talking a lot over text ever since.

I think she wants me because she mentioned having to show self-restraint around me. She knows I'm married and have kids. I am attracted to her and really have a connection with her. With that being said, I don't see myself actually pulling the trigger on a physical affair.

I'm really in a no-win situation. I can see myself falling hard for the girl (in reality, I think I have), but I cannot leave my family. My kids will be effed-up forever if I leave. My wife and I get along great, but the sex is just not there. I feel like I'm in a jail cell.

Some will say have the affair, if it is even an option? Others will say stick it out. I don't think I could look at myself in the mirror if I had an affair, but if the opportunity presents itself, could I be strong enough to not do it? All I know is that I really dislike my life at this point and wish there was an easy solution even though there is not one.
southernguy1122 southernguy1122
3 Responses Dec 7, 2012

Well, it turns out that with some alcohol and going up there unhappy, I gave in and slept with her. I knew immediately thereafter that I had made a mistake. My feelings for her were real but she turned me away the day after I left town. She still wanted to be friends but said she wouldn't be happy with me, blah, blah. She admitted she was selfish a few weeks prior and all of the feelings she said she felt couldn't have been real (she says they were). She got what she wanted and while I had a night of sex, I lost out big in the end.<br />
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My feelings of regret were that I was stupid enough to think something would happen long-term and that I gave into temptation. My deepest regret was letting down my wife and family. Stupid, stupid, stupid. There is no way I can or will ever tell my wife and kids what happened. This has been filed away deep in a file in the darkest recesses of my mind. I'm alone in my suffering on this one and there is no need to bring anyone else into it. I think it ultimately made me realize that what I had at home wasn't as bad as I thought. Things are actually better at home for me than they have been for awhile. I have prayed for forgiveness and hope there will be mercy for me. <br />
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I never thought it would happen to me, but it did. I just have to be a better husband and father, going forward and try to turn this extreme negative into a positive.

So? No update? What happened?

The girl that I talk to lives about 1000 miles away, so that part of it is easy. I have to travel there for work next month and that is where the opportunity will present itself. Wife would never know, but I would. That's why I can't do it.