I Am Considering An Affair

Human Nature, Our Society And Marriage

By: hyrok40

Written on December 13th, 2012

I am a happily married man with children in my 40s.Today I am here to discuss what I came to believe with my life experience and others around me.

Marriage is a wonderful thing that our society invented to mainly protect our children and have a life long companion, someone to come home to and share life with. But when it comes to human nature marriage is nothing more than just a companionship after about 3-4 years.

I believe someday our society will come to an understanding and acceptance to separate marriage and sexual intimacy and fulfillment's.

By nature we men will seek out new and wonderful women to propagate our gene.

Women on the other hand by nature will seek out men with better quality for better offspring.

So it is natural for us to loose sexual interest and intimacy over time. It is also natural to build a strong emotional and social bond with each other by living with each other for so long. So, it becomes difficult to leave each other specially when there are children involved.

So we do the talk and the counseling and it works for a while but doesn't last. Ultimately we make the hard decision to either divorce or scarifies or worst we cheat.

I personally don't hold people responsible for cheating, because I get it. Our desire is so strong even the public figures including President Clinton cannot control themselves. I believe we unfairly hold the cheaters responsible on a moral ground when they are doing what comes naturally.

I did some research on swinging. A successful swinging couple is a happy couple. I think they are more mature in this field, they know what's coming and prevent that from happening by becoming swinger. Unfortunately My wife is completely against it. BTW did I mentioned if your relationship sucks you don't wanna be swingers

I also saw documentary that in some Chinese village the husband used to go and visit someone Else's wife after the night fall.

Earlier I mentioned that I am happily married, and I believe I am, we love each other very much and have no intention to diverse, no matter what, but our sex life sucks, I never fight, she is a stay home mom, I help her out around the house, always romantic, anytime I talk about 'it' she is interest but we avarage may be once a month, we are just not into each other when it comes to intimacy.

Thanks for reading.

By: hyrok40

Age: 36-40 , Male

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39 responses

AnewDance

I totally understand this. I have explained the human nature side to my husband and he fully understands. I'm very lucky that he does. I feel the same way you do about cheaters, vilified way too often, Tiger Woods types, yes they suck, but that is not ever really the case. Men or women who expect their partner to get over the lack of sex in their marriage just because they are married and then expect that partner to have zero desire for others and would kill them if they cheat, in my opinion are worse than a cheater.

Apr 11
3 likes
- hyrok40
  Thank you for your comment and agreeing with me.
  
  Apr 11
  1 like
silvia2013

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pz584ojSajk&hd=1

Mar 19
1 like
- hyrok40
  Thanks, I am happy for you
  
  Mar 19
  1 like
gem1969

I think only people who live in this sort of relationship can fully understand what it is like. and where as we may say that cheating crosses our minds it doesnt mean we are actually gonna go out there and cheat! xx

Feb 13
1 like
- hyrok40
  Thanks for your comment, That's the social doctrin of guilt
  
  Feb 13
  1 like
Oso41412

Interesting thoughts....I think you hit the nail on the head with a lot of them...

Jan 27
2 likes
LGVictorian

Thank you. You have no idea how encouraging this is. I've never understood why married people will throw everything away--their finances, their homes, their children's emotional stability--all because one of the partners wants to have sex with someone else. Just the mere mention of the possibility will lead couples to divorce and I don't get it. You LOVE this person. He/She is the one you want to grow old with and share misery with. That is nothing compared to just having sex with someone else, yet the urge to do that can be so intense that left unsatisfied it will create bitterness which then really destroys the relationship. Just let your partner play outside once in a while, so long as it isn't romantic (as in, they love the other person in exception of you). It's just sex.

Jan 25
1 like
- hyrok40
  Thanks for your comment. The divorce also affect close family. I was so close the my brother in law, after my sister in law divorced him, it's not the same. My close friends divorced, now we cannot invite both. My daughter goes to a catholic school, three time in last two years I heard her saying my friends parents are devorcing. All this makes me think, How long our social doctrine of marriage (the way we know) will continue?
  
  Jan 25
  1 like
smithd2278

I have been in your shoes.. :).. I know where you are coming from.. and know the sacrifice of it all.. I am now divorced from that husband and married to another.. ;)

Jan 24
1 like
- hyrok40
  Thanks for the comment, I am glad everything is working out for you. I am not sure whether we will ever get to be in each other shoes, our life experiences are so unique.
  
  Jan 24
  1 like
funnyhahalaura

Hyrok40, I think your fun is going to be over for awhile. Your non sense of natural order has hurt your wife. You probably have a lot of growing up to do. You made it sound like all the cards were on the table. Mentioning that you are happily married, yet need more sex, so you might seek it elsewhere. You even called yourself honest. REALITY CHECK COMING YOUR WAY!

Jan 22
2 likes
funnyhahalaura

Sex, intimacy are one in the same for woman. I have been married 14 years to my soul mate cheating husband. He has emotional affairs with beautiful woman. I have caught him yet again. Why? Because he complicates his life. Because his ego and insecurities RULE HIM. Because of opportunity. Because of temptation. The list is ENDLESS. We have sex at least 4-5 times a week. We laugh, joke, worship and everything in between. I am a good wife and mother, and we don't have boring sex either. When a woman has sex with a man, a powerful hormone expels into her body which forms loyalty. Men act so kept, like you are suffering. What would our world look like is we cut you loose? Men and woman stay because of love, commitment, friendship. If you really believe that it's natural to go woman to woman to spread your genes, do it. Or better yet, tell your wife your ideals. If and when she no longer requires you, based on your natural order of things, she will set you free to find someone that suits her better.

Jan 21
4 likes
- hyrok40
  Thanks for your comment and sorry that your husband cheated on you in some form. You believe what you believe based on your life experience. You can explain behavior many ways. I still believe our society is not compatible with our nature and it is hurting us.
  
  Jan 21
  1 like
- funnyhahalaura
  How is it hurting us? Why did you even consider marriage? If anything, we are becoming a more selfish society that feels that their "word" holds no value. Where and will it stop? All things being fair, do you realize that the actual natural order of nature in today's AGE HAS DEVALUED the necessity of MEN in general. Oh it gets better, woman are sick of loafers with no integrity, that lack goals, COMMITTMENT or initiative. What are woman to do? On record in the US, we file for divorce, which happens to be 80% of the filings COME FROM WOMAN. Your gonna have to evolve or you let's face it, be extinct just like your cave man theory.
  
  Jan 21
  1 like
- hyrok40
  My wife asked me the same question, why did you consider marriage? My answer is, Our life exparience changes us. I didn't used to think that way.
  Woman are getting more successful in work place and becoming indipendent and they are probably more honest and don't want to put up with crap, I agree with you. But at the same time those cavemen are not having any problem finding women.
  Like my wife "summergirr" said, SelfControl is the only way you can be faithful, not because it comes naturally. And that's the problem I am trying to address.
  Talk to you tomorrow, have a good night.
  
  Jan 22
  1 like
kimmy159

I checked out your story, since you recommended it in an answer to my question.
I think I get it. Over the years, I have made the mistake to cheat on my boyfriend, I know it wasn't right and I just did it because I finally met a guy who would give me full attention and I fell for it in a time of need. I am stronger now, but I don't really feel happy in a relationship where you have to give your all to receive the minimal. Sometimes I wonder how much longer I will be able to take it. I really love him with all my heart, but I have very different needs. To him, being around me is enough. To me, it's like living with a roommate with whom you happen to have sex with. He doesn't like to cuddle and to kiss or to talk for hours and I really miss that part in our relationship=( We have talked about it over and over again but nothing seems to change. And honestly, I really don't know what to do.

Jan 18
2 likes
- hyrok40
  I like to give you a hug and a kiss on your chick and say may be you should see a councellor or something and everything will be alright, but nothing will actually help. Here are your choices, breakup and find a new love. stay with him and see if you can open up your relationship and finally what we all honest people hate to do, find a secret partner :) good luck.
  
  Jan 18
  1 like
- lunazule
  Kimmy... Get help now my dear and move on. If you do not do it you will live like that for years to come in a constant state of misery. I know. Ihave been there for years and am finally finding my way out. Best of luck.
  
  Jan 21
  1 like
- kimmy159
  I know I should do that, if it weren't for my family, I would have moved on a long time ago. Their thoughts about relationship are still old-fashioned. You choose a partner and stick by it, no matter what. We aren't even married and everytime we broke up, it was as if their world collapsed too. I can't make them go through that all the time and at the same time, it's me who should be happy, but they don't seem to care about that part very much because in their eyes he's the most idealic partner anyone could ever have. Besides the 'not giving much attention part' he really is, I just wish he could change that and my life would be perfect, really. But lately I feel that I am waiting for something that will never come...
  
  Jan 22
  1 like
- LGVictorian
  Exactly. In my marriage, I don't feel like I have a sex partner. I feel like I'm a co-owner in some kind of business, the Our Home Inc. It's all about money and fixing the house and 'equal shares' and there is zero romance. If I'm going to be treated like a business partner, I'm starting to think there's no reason for me not to act like one.
  
  Jan 25
  1 like
1 More Reply
AngieloveLee1985

there are times when ur man needs attention..and so your woman..unfortunately..if u have this need to flirt with other people...and she is not able to do that... and if she hold excuses, may be u rnt able to see y,,,, relationships break..its both ways ... who knows even she craves for someone more intelligent guy:)

Jan 2
1 like
- hyrok40
  For what it's worth, I don't mind her flirting with other men, she already did that and felt very guilty about it.
  I like to speak my mind every now and them, sorry if I have ofended you.
  
  Jan 2
  1 like
- AngieloveLee1985
  i commented on human nature sir...its not directed at you..its a general comment..i also am sorry if you took it personally..but that's how things are happening... if everythin goes like the way you are explaining..i think men will end up producing a gene pool... with endless genes ... and wudnt learn responsibility towards women...you need to work on the loopholes of your marriage..you are living denial..and you are saying..you are happily married ..trust me if youare happily married..you wud evolve better..commitment..loyality... are the values which are both for men and women...:) lotta hardwork ahead sir..!
  
  Jan 2
  1 like
- AngieloveLee1985
  i have seen nurturing goes bothe ways... we should work on each other as a couple... everyone needs the "attention"...
  if you want sex..she shud be able to see that...
  if she holds excuses ..you should be able to see that...
  if you feel an urge to flirt with others..you both should be able to crack the reasons...
  wishes! ,.may you find happiness
  
  Jan 2
  1 like
hyrok40

I have another one, If you don't like sex, get married.

Dec 14, 2012
4 likes
- AaronSousuke
  Why would you say that exactly?
  
  Apr 2
  1 like
- hyrok40
  After some time (5-7 year) for most it just doesn't happen any more. some can renew their vow, some just stay in it for obligation. We keep renewing our vow to kepp it going.
  
  Apr 2
  1 like
starlesscatharsis

I am like-minded. I believe that love and sex are seperate. I believe that no single person can fulfill all of our needs. We are all creatures of sin, and we all commit sin, if we are to define sin as morals that society sets. The same person who condemns you for infidelity is a liar, a theif, an abuser, a drunkard.....something. Do what makkes you happy.

Dec 14, 2012
5 likes
- hyrok40
  Thanks, well said!
  
  Dec 14, 2012
  1 like
- LGVictorian
  Exactly! I, for one, would never have an affair wherein I lied to the other person about "I love you" or "I'll leave my husband". Never! That's a ******* mind game. THAT'S dishonest. My extra sexual partners know it's just physical and that the only reason I keep it secret is because I can't bear to hurt my husband. That's a fact. It's isn't about me. I could get divorced and move out and live on my own, but it's him I would worry about.
  
  Jan 25
  1 like
hyrok40

Here is a good definition of marriage. celibacy in secret. :)

Dec 13, 2012
1 like
gypsyblu

i would nver be happy with swinging its not my nature...

Dec 13, 2012
1 like
- hyrok40
  Thanks for the comment, it's not for everybody, you need right mindset and a very closenet group with emotional bond. I will never findout besacuse of my wife.
  
  Dec 13, 2012
  1 like
lunazule

sadly in marriages things change and the once sexual person you were with is now not.
I understand where you are coming from. And i hope you find a way to fill your needs. But honetly if i was getting 45 min twice a month i would not be here. I guess LACK is as relative a term as morals

Dec 13, 2012
1 like
- hyrok40
  Thanks for your comment. I try almost every night with being nice, thoughful and respectful, shower, mood setting, lots of back rubbing, she loves it all but I only get lucky once or twice a month. In this realtionship I am all giving. Not a lot of active participation from her. Hope you get the point.
  
  Dec 13, 2012
  1 like
- lunazule
  i understand. if you did not put in the work she would not put out any at all. Sad but true. there is always one in every dying marriage.
  
  Dec 13, 2012
  1 like
katykitten67

I so understand were your coming from, i'm married but I feel something is not the same,
anymore I still love him with all my heart,and have no intentions of leaving him and devastating our family. And if people do cheat I can understand why, and I do not think anyone should pass judgement after all we are all humans beings, and no one is perfect.

Dec 13, 2012
2 likes
- hyrok40
  Thanks katy for your supporting comment. Hope you find a balance of marriag and intimacy in your life :)
  
  Dec 13, 2012
  1 like

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