Sleeping With A Stranger

To sleep with a stranger.

Night after night I lay in bed,waiting to be touched or held but night after night I face the cold reality of a marriage that has failed.

I have demanded, pleaded, cried and argued that this is not the way it should be but again I lie here looking at him sleeping and knowing that he will not see that he is hurting me.

I have cried to many tears and stayed awake to many hours wondering what went wrong, thinking maybe if I could of done this or I could of said that but I know things wouldn't last for long.

So instead I lie here in this bed seeing him sleep and knowing In my heart that he is nothing but a stranger to me.
gingerpie71 gingerpie71
36-40, F
44 Responses Feb 7, 2012

I have realized over the years, Females are the true leaders in most relationships. My current gf of 15 plus years apparently felt similar as you. After several years of no sex or even liniment touch between us, she decided to see just what I was up to/doing when she was at work. She assumed I may have been cheating or what have you. She had a hidden cam set in our bedroom. Wow was I surprised when she sheared having the cam with me. I was speechless. I expected our relationship was finished. She really surprised me when she began asking how long had I ben dressing and playing as a female. Do I really enjoy the toys I play with, who else knew about my favorite past time, and so on. Do most guys enjoy this sort of thing. Yes a lot do! however everyone has a passion for something erotic in their life's. Our relation ship has gotten much better and a hole lot more interesting. If you find out what has replaced his desire for you, or it may be he doesn't want phy contact when it gets to be rue teen, I didn't. When you find out what he does enjoy, then include yourself into his activity. It will likely go slow at first, As my gf found out: you may find you like whatever it is, and as happened with us, we both enjoy naughty sexual roleplaying games, it was a little embarrassing for us at first. We have more fun now than before. If this doesn't work for the two you. Your welcome to join us sometime. Jeff, & Marie, good luck with this.

big, warm hugs for you.... xo

So common. So lonely and frustrating. Thanks for posting.

I feel for you, and know how you are feeling, its not just a girl thing, i am a guy and suffering just as bad. x

I know what you mean... :-( it's soooo empty and surreal at the same time

I feel for you. It is so sad to be in that situation. Exactly me talking....

I can feel your pain.. Its killing without being killed at once

I can help you

can I help

I had and have been in your shoes before. Once I took my husbands hand and pulled him from the TV and into the bedroom. I began to remove my clothes and he stood watching as I had to remove his(he wouldn't)
I took control. I was on top and we had a 'quickie'. Followed with his comment, "How long till I get to "F*** you again?" Needless to say it was my last try. He's now my EX. And again the same thing going with my current Husband.
And I thought it was the guys complaining their wives were refusing them!

Must be really hard for you after the first one. *hugs*

That is y I left

Jesus Carla... Lost for words. Crazy, how some people can be so lifeless inside. Like the lights on but no one is home.
Good for you, making the move you deemed you need to. Hope everything is on the up and up!

I sleep alone. Husband lives in Assisted Living from a severe stroke, September 2012. In an instant great sex went form fabulous to nonexistent. I'm too young to be without for the rest of my life.

I share your pain. I wish I had an answer- for both of us.

I wish u luck

I always ask married couples like my aunts, relatives,
who are 20 yrs older than me and they say.
Communication is very very important. Its the fuel in a relationship.
They added.
1).WIVES- Deep Respect for your husband.
2.) HUSBANDS- Honor your wife as to a weak vessel.
3) Do not deprive of each of the marriage dues (intimate sex)
THESE are the Key.
John Gray said so too describing it using different terms.
enjoy reading.
i have the e-book. message me.

John Grey was going through a divorce when that claptrap book was written.

I know the feeling I have tried but to no avail. She might as well be a corpse. She gives nothing!

So sad and I know how that can eat someone up inside ..

Thank you I don't want to cheat but it is soo hard. I cheat on EP.

any you do you cheat here or for real?

I found an old boy friend from my teens. We chat in Skype. We text on our cell-fones. But he doesn't want me to cheat. So we sit and wait for nature to take it's course. He refuses to meet me till I am free. Which may take many years. But it's a love worth waiting for.

U need a divorce

So this is the place for internet affairs huh? Wow

Is your reply for me or CarlaW?

4 More Responses

I feel same in about my wife
sleeping noisy
i'm looking for anyone satisfy me

thank you for your honesty and simplicity. beautiful.

Thank you

God never intended you to live like that. Change something - leave him, have an affair, something.

I can only wish that I could do something to help or ease the Pain.

It's so sad when communication breaks down, and a relationship goes bad. :( I hope there is happiness in your future.


Thank you for sharing. I couldnt have expressed this better myself.

Wow I know how u feel is so sad because they lolling of u like what what r u talking about so nothing I have very cold feet now

This was beautifully written. I know how you feel hon. I feel so angry that my husband has not only lost interest in me, but given me permission to **** around so he doesn't need to touch me. I finally have reached the point where I refuse to reach out to him. I am so sorry for your pain, your loss, and the feelings it puts inside you - unjustly making you feel sad and alone.

I ended a relationship, abandoned a marriage, and have peace alone. He tried to touch me but it felt entirely sexual, I felt used if I let him. I have moved, but he who was cold, heartless, hateful, and raging won't let go. He decided that he has love and passion for me but I said I didn't see it. He phone stalked me and I could do nothing about it because I have the kids. I kept saying it was too late, I've been down that road . I pretended that he had a chance so that he wouldn't fight me for custody, but I didn't lie. I don't have the heart to destroy a person's fantasies. I felt like I was lying when he asked if I loved him and I said I did. That question struck a nerve, a distant memory I wished I could forget. I wished I didn't, felt like I should deny it. I love him, but that didn't matter anymore because he wasn't happy when he had me. A year gone by, and I actually think I see a change, so now it's serious between us. I don't let myself feel, but sometimes feelings are too strong, they slip out in the way I looked at him when he visited the kids, in the words I don't say, in the fact that I didn't file for divorce. If he filed for divorce I even considered not signing any papers. We have reconnected due to his newfound abilities to listen, not demand things, not judge, but to love and touch me with his words. We have a long distance marriage over the phone because we are 1000 miles apart to prevent him from manipulating my good nature and tendency to be too kind. I had to flee from my weakness, it is so hard to risk hurt feelings and do what's best for me. I wouldn't regret being with him. I wouldn't regret it for anything, I won't give up our good memories. I would change how long it took me to realize his bitterness turned to hatred and leave so he could find happiness and I could find peace. Now it's like we are dating again except I am more open with him. I have nothing to lose, I had already left him, what we have can only go uphill from where I left him. He asks if I'm glad he didn't give up. He annoyed me and stalked me, but I'm glad. Perhaps he listened so long ago when I said "I want someone to hold me and never let me go".

This is so cute.
I like the way you put it.

I passed for basically the same stuff. But the difference was that she got involve with someone. We got back together 3months later. Now is been 7 months. And the past is finally healin. I was a mess with out her. And took that to made me realize how dumb i was

Dam u wish I it was between your chest

Time for You to Take the pebbles from the hand

Exactly. Well put. How horrible it is.

I can't imagine how heartbreaking that is to once have a connection with someone and seeing what it has become and wanting for it to turn back. All you can do is try and search for happiness within the midst of the sadness. Talk to him, break it down to him, give it a all or nothing shot with the intimacy and tell him that you feel you are giving and receiving nothing. Hopefully he will realize how beautiful inside and out you are for trying... instead of just giving up on him. Hope you get it mended x

I just wanted to say that I really appreciate all your all you did for me and my family DR. You really helped me through what I think was the most difficult time of my life. Your kindness and caring goes way beyond the products you sell.and I hope that I will someday meet you. You will always be in my prayers and I will never forget what you have done for me for bringing back my happiness and healing my sick child.

Thank you for sharing your story. i'm new here to EP and your story just spoke to me...I too have been married. (6 yrs to be exact) and i feel the same way..i hope one day we will get our happy endings.

I know what you mean. I'm dealing with the same situation. How is he in other areas of your life together? Is he honest? Is he open to discussion about finances, parenting, etc? My husband is a controlling narcissist. If it's not his idea, it isn't discussed, period. He sleeps on the couch or in the spare bedroom. He blames it on the fact that our child sleeps in bed with me (king size bed). She'll be 5 the end of this month and has stayed in the family bed because of a combination of factors: we travel often and end up sharing a bed anyway and sadly, because I feel so alone. Just having another human next to me helps, and who wants their cuddly little baby to grow up anyway!?
So, back to your situation, in my belief, men that act like this are emotionally abusive. Especially if you say you've begged and pleaded for him to show you physical affection. There's always two sides to every story; have you done things to damage your relationship with him like consistent over spending or caused any family problems? If you can't think of anything that you've done, ask yourself just how much you actually love him, not just "he's my husband and I love him" but if you love WHO he is when you're not in bed together. I think it's a shame when people can't or won't be affectionate. It's hard to get it back once it's gone. Try initiating contact in the middle of the night or very early morning. If he responds positively when he's relaxed, maybe he suffers from being stressed out when he's awake whether it be from work or a mental defect like anxiety/depression. If he blows you off indefinately, I say move out for a few months. Maybe he'll come to his senses and realize that he's taken you for granted. It's my belief that men are just as sensative as women, and often times they show it in ways that we women find unusual.Maybe he's going through a rough time, maybe not. He could just be a dysfunctional twit that doesn't know or care that he's doing the wrong thing by you. I hope you see improvement in your marriage. I totally know how isolating,lonely and torturous it feels when they won't touch you.

Instead Of Cheating, You Need To Talk To Him And Try To Work It Out

Love is not sex it is just one of the ways we show our love. Learning to love someone with out sex is something people don’t do anymore there for we just thank as soon as the sex stop the love stops this is not true. Go on a fast from sex. Tell you partner and see what happens. For some reason we won’t what we cant have. Make it fun teases each other about who can hold out the longest and if you fall good for you then start over. But do it on purposes try to get to know them all over and get to know yourself along the way. Lets just say I have learn to make myself happy. Just something to try hope it helps.

Unfortunately sometimes people grow apart. We are all ever evolving and change is a part of that evolution. It is nothing that you have done, it just is what it is. I know this doesnt help the hurt or the heart-ache and for that I am truly sorry. There comes a time when you have to do whats best for you and while that may mean change, remember, change isnt always a bad thing. Best of luck to you.

I'm in the same situation. I dont know what to do either. I cant tell anyone. <br />
It wont get better. Look online if you have to, there's someone who will love you, I promise. xxx

Online can b dangerous though

Id hold you every night.

Yes Ma'am. I think the worst is the soft scent of her, that is only a few inches away...physically and so far away emotionally. I had someone describe once that it was like our mate has died, but I disagree. At least in death, our mind everntually over time understands that the loss is permanent and we learn to accept. But the scents, and sounds do not go away in tis case. We continue to experience the senses, yet our mind cannot understand or adjust and learn to accept the loss....

Yes, there but not there and nothing you can do about it. It really is torture for your heart ..

Have you ever tried speaking to him about your desires? <br />
I mean maybe he isn't attracted to you or he is homosexual.<br />
I cannot imagine how a man would not be interested in sexually pleasing his wife.<br />
<br />
I loved a women for very long we cohabited,she was perfect but she has a low sex drive as a result of her personality, I longed to please her but we made love occasionally. In the end left me with reason, maybe it's his personality. Maybe you need to leave him for someone else if its only about sex, but I know deep down just like me you stay because you see many a qualities in him which you know no man who will use you as piece of meat will ever give to you. You need to ask yourself why you stay?

Thank you for your view.
I gave up on trying to change it and moved on ..

If a woman say she is having a sexless marriage ,every one believe her ,If a man sy he is having a sexless marriage ,every one says he is a cheat. What should I say?

I think that being in a sexless marriage is a horrible feeling. I am unaware that there is a bias between women or men but I know that people that are not in this situation have no idea how this makes us feel or think that we should do something more to make things right.

That sounds alot like my situation. I have not married my partner but, we have been together for over 12 yrs now & the distance and the coldness is more than I can bear anymore.<br />
<br />
I do not think I should stay, even if it means going to a shelter... Its destroying me.

Marriage or not, your committed to a relationship and feel the same pain.. I hope things work out..

I hads a great tactile marraige till my wife turned 50 and she became in her own words frigid,no close cuddling/sex.Stuck it for 3 yrs but decided would rather live alone,I'm now happy have my friends and people work with,hope you sort out your life,as I did!

Thank you, I know your right.

Imaging hubby as stranger mix spice in your life, the action may be initiate by understanding, talk frank if you both desire extra marital, to spice your sex life, but both should be honest and take proper care to avoid any hassels

I'm sorry you're going through all this...

Thanks ... that means a lot

Sounds like you are one very romantic gal, I am sure Romeo is near by....... I wish my wife would kiss me deeply everyday.... I wish she would desire me as much as I do her... Sometimes I feel tired of not been desired as much as I desire.... ;)<br />
<br />
Hugs<br />
<br />

There is a lot of truth in what you say..I think I need more then what he can give.. hugs

Come to Iowa and I'll treat you like a lady.

Thanks sweetie!