Best Friends - No Longer Lovers

I love my wife. Deeply. I honestly cannot see living without her anymore. She makes me laugh, she makes me happy most of the time. Shes always been a great mother to our kids. She's beautiful and sexy and a great friend. About 15 years ago we were pretty much the average married couple with kids. Then she got sick. Kidney failure. Dialysis, lots of medications, lots of stress for both of us. Still, we loved each other through it all. Kidney transplant. Different medications a few odd side effects (breasts went from 34D to 42DD). Around this time her sex drive started falling. Went from sex a couple times a week to sex maybe every few weeks. Still, it was satisfying. We were still happy even though the medical bills were outrageous. The kidney was troublesome. Stubborn to get started and had to be pushed along with drugs like steroids for a while. This caused the calicum in her hips and knees to degrade so over the couse of the next four years she had both hips and both knees replaced. She always has joint pain now. Ten years after the transplant, the new kidney started failing. Back to dialysis, different medications. This time she would get infections from the home dialysis causing peritonitus. Finally she went back to hemodilaysus and most of the problems went away. For years she was in pain, sick, or just not "feeling like it". Ok. I've always tried to be a good husband so I didn't push her. Internet **** and ************. for years. I get that her hips hurt. I accept that vaginal sex it too painful for her. But she has hands, a mouth, breasts, and well, other areas she could use. But she doesn't feel like it. Ever. I suggest sex every now and then. She says no. I've begged. she says no. I ask for a *******. No. A *******. no. Every time I ask for something sexual, the answer is no. She always has some excuse. She's sore. sore throat, too tired, upset stomache, headache, and my all time emasculating answer: she doesn't have the ambition for it. So she doesn't feel like it. she doesn't want to. Well I dont want to go to work all week long; but I do. I dont want to mow the grass on the days I dont have to work; but I do it anyway. There is a lot of things I dont want to do. I dont feel like doing . I just dont see the point in doing, but I do them because they need done or they make her happy. I'm 44 years old. I haven't had full out sex in probably five years. I haven't had a ******* in over a year. I love my wife with all my heart but i dont feel like much of a man anymore. I love her but I think I'm beginning to hate her too.
tbaskco tbaskco
41-45, M
2 Responses May 9, 2012

I am very sorry for you and for sad to have some like this come into your life and change it. Keep your chin up and brighter days are always in the horizon...and I agree maybe counseling would help.

In sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for richer or poorer. A therapist is your best bet. Have you had a real heart to heart with your wife. Let her know how you are feeling. I am a year younger than you, I have lots of sex. I would trade it all for a loving wife. I have never been married. Hang in there brother, Good Luck...

Ive been hanging in. And trying. Yes, weve talked. we've argued about it. She just has no intrest in sex.