I Have To Be Honest With Myself!For, the last year I've found myself in a deep dark place. A place of isolation and bitterness. A few months ago my boyfriend took me to the jererwly store to purchase a ring. I should have been screaming out loud and jumping for joy. but in the back of my mind I was trembling with fear. I took me a few days later to understand why. Why don't I want to marry him? I am 37 years old with no children and a pretty good job. I should be ready to jump the broom. However, I don't want to go there. Not with him. I want my alpha male. I want something that he is unable to give me.
I want a deverise type of physical contact. One that is taboo for my circle. I can't understanding it. But it started about six years ago when I found that i wanted to be spanked, tied up. I love the idea of being told to submit to a man. Very controling man. I boyfriend is just the opposite of what I want. He wants to hug cubble and talk. I just don't want that. He can not understand my need and just stares at my request in a silence. What is wrong with me? Does anyone understand what is happening to me. Is this worng?