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I Have To Be Honest With Myself!

For, the last year I've found myself in a deep dark place. A place of isolation and bitterness. A few months ago my boyfriend took me to the jererwly store to purchase a ring. I should have been screaming out loud and jumping for joy. but in the back of my mind I was trembling with fear. I took me a few days later to understand why. Why don't I want to marry him? I am 37 years old with no children and a pretty good job. I should be ready to jump the broom. However, I don't want to go there. Not with him. I want my alpha male. I want something that he is unable to give me.

I want a deverise type of physical contact. One that is taboo for my circle. I can't understanding it. But it started about six years ago when I found that i wanted to be spanked, tied up. I love the idea of being told to submit to a man. Very controling man. I boyfriend is just the opposite of what I want. He wants to hug cubble and talk. I just don't want that. He can not understand my need and just stares at my request in a silence. What is wrong with me? Does anyone understand what is happening to me. Is this worng?
misery22 misery22 36-40, F 4 Responses May 17, 2012

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Its not wrong,i know exactly where your coming from.

nope, you want to be mine

Its not "wrong" although you may feel guilty. Sex is one thing for you and another thing for him. You two are "speaking different languages" when your intimate... So you don't understand each other sexually. I went through the same with my ex girlfriend who I still love greatly to this day. but sex was missing something because for me sex is just a carnal indulgence, and love is a completely different thing for me. But it was important for her to "make love". Best of luck to you.

No, it's not wrong. You need to at least try it, to find out if this is just an indulgence you want now and then, or something you may need all the time. He needs to work with you, to find out if this is something he could do for you, or if you would always be craving something he cannot deliver. I like to hug and cuddle, I do not like to control other people. But if a woman I loved had a need, I would do my best to satisfy her. Good luck to you both.

thanks for sharing.