I Might Get It Somewhere Else

Me and my husband went out this afternoon to get some things that we needed for the house then we sat on a bench and asked him these...

Me: do you believe in that we are soulmates?

Husband: yes because we came from diffrent places and met in a strange diffrent place and it amazes me until now.

Me: are you happy with me?

Husband: yes. you complete me

Me: are you truly loyal to me all these years and faithfull?

Husband: he looked me in the eye and said "yes"..Iam happy to be like this and not like I was before, Im okay now.

Me: then why Im not getting the kind of sexual intimacy that I want? I told you so many time already that I want a lot of it, tons of it! We are so good to each other but on this very thing we failed..

Husband: If Other men went to other women when their wives are not making them happy in bed..does it mean that women too can do that..

Me: Yes indeed and If you will not take action to this then I might get it somehwere else. (sad face)

Husband: you're not going to do that..

Me: Yes I can because Im so bored already and I dont want the time will come that you will blame me for having sex with someone and not talking about this thing to you. I just want it clear.

Husband: ---silent---

TemptressKassandra TemptressKassandra
42 Responses May 27, 2012

I have what you seek. Will you go home when I'm through with you?

This could have some interesting legal implications if a divorce is in your future... there's a legal term for it but I can't remember the word (I am NOT a lawyer). The concept is that if he knows about it and doesn't do anything to stop it.. if he just "lives with it", then he can't later change his mind and pull it out as grounds for divorce.

TALK TO A LAWYER ABOUT THIS FIRST. I've heard about this as a legal defense in divorce cases where one spouse knew the other was cheating but didn't do anything about it for years.

That sucks. I can't imagine a guy not wanting to give it to you any chance he gets.

I can feel you, my wife is the same way

I think u ve to explore your hubby and make him feel warm somehow. May be by going out to nature or by watching blues in bed. He ll satisfy u , m sure.

Have you read The 5 Love Languages? It might explain why you do not feel you are receiving what you need from your husband.

I have talks with my wife like that and I get more sex for awhile,but it is just sex.I still find it hard to go out and have an affair.Most of it is finding the right person.She used to complain about me wanting sex all the time. My reply was, as long as i want you you have nothing to worry about,when i stop wanting you you can then worry.It's hard doing the right thing and even harder with no help.

i agree with you

Can you talk with your hubby about how you are ready to go and find comfort outside your marriage? It is so hard to be lonely and not have the comfort you need and seek. If you have to go out and find your comfort, I can't judge you, only say be safe in all you do.

I am a mature man and I have to you are a wonderful woman to bring this up to your hubby in a conversation without yelling and screaming. Talking things out is the only way to have a relationship, which is why mine is ending, cause my wife would not open up and talk things out. I only wish I could meet a truly wonderful woman like you. I agree, go out and get it if you are not being pleased at home, because you were open and honest.

thank you so much for all your comments.. :) I wish u all the goodness in life too.. everything is possible.

You have been singing, I wish it would rain for too long, it's time for some sunshine to bring warmth and healing for you. It's up to you when you make your next step, but be safe in all you do and know you are not alone. All you have to do is reach out as someone is there for you as you have a lot of support.

thank you so much for ur wonderful words..it mean so much to me.. Godbless you

Good for you...and it is the right approach. At least I believe it is. It is the very approach I took with my wife some time ago...and in time, I finally went somewhere else to get the sexual contact that I craved. It also opened my eyes up to so much more sexually that I did not know...or at least had never experienced, creating additional cravings, hunger, desires. We are now doing so much better sexually and she has come a long way...and I am hoping that we can share so much more together. I truly hope it works out for you...but if you have to be "complete" or satisfied in other places by other men, at least you told your husband....and...I hope I can be there :-)

Let me ask you this if your husband was in a accident and could no longer have sex with you what would you do. Would you stay or would you leave I am sure there are someone some were that wish she could have sex just once a mouth with her husband. Just a thought.

Ask him if how he wishes to participate -- his level of involvement. Does he want to be present and involved, or would he prefer to be apart?

I would like to be friends, hope you will agree?

Sounds familiar. When you find out why your husband remains silent when you suggest that you may have an affair please advise me..I am lost

When you know that you have tried all the best you could do...The fact is, We all get tired of something that is so impossible to reach, and when you feel you're drowned and all these frustrations consume you then the next step is on our hands... Life is so short not to be happy... we all deserve to be happy that's all I can say.

I have one thing to suggest. Lay out what you want from your husband, even if you have done that a hundred times before. Tell him exactly what it is you crave and don't hold back. If it a new experience then lay it out. If he still doesn't listen then you should consider moving on. Having an affair will destroy your marriage even if you work things out. The marriage you will have will not be the same you once had, trust will be gone. Every time the phone rings, their late, they seem nervous, your going to wonder why.

That is true....

Hey Irish Guy: so you lay out for the 101st time. Nothing really changes. You realize that he probably can't do much about it and you don't think of him as a sexual creature anymore. You think of him as a grandfather..then what?

If your thinking of him as a grandfather then I take it after looking at your profile you are married to an older man. I also take it that your still craving sex. I also take it that your wanting someone to fill that need. I don't know the age difference between the two of you either. Just keep in mind that he is not in his sexual prime that is past him. I am going to go out on a limb and say that your husband doesn't feel like he is desired. You may tell him that he is you may not, I simply don't know. What I do know is every man wants to know his wife/girlfriend is interested in him. If your not interested in him then you should tell him. It will suck but the truth should be laid out. The truth goes both ways for the food and the bad. One way or the other communication should follow b

if you think like this than again don"t say word soulmate from your mouth .... if you break this once than everytime you will break this again and again ....there are many different technic to enjoying sex ....use different technic and different envoirmet instead of different persons ..think very deep and again

Interesting I am so ready to go else's where but I love my husband.

This is the same with me. I come home craving her every day and end up frustrated 9 out of 10 days. I say what I need but it falls on deaf ears. How many 45 year old wives have their husbands come home craving them every day? I'm not a cheater at heart but I'm ready to.

So, this is a demand rather than a discussion?

I like how boldly you spoke... set the stage and got right to the point... here we are five months later... hopefully with some positive effect.


If you where my wife you would never have even been in that situation as you would have been totaly satisfied sexually on daily basis! I believe a women should be brought to ****** at least once a day in some way! Its is sad that you lost your marriage, but also good that you can now find some happiness and pleasure that you have missed out on! big hugs

hehe ;)

I wish I was your husband. I would let you be with another man for one night :P

he said that on the 1st 2 years of our lives together..

Well I mean it babe. Can I give you a hug?

okay... :) thank you



Can I kiss you too?:P

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Way to go. You made a really mature move in talking about your feelings with your husband. I admire that.

thank you :)

If i were ur husband...i would let u have a one night stand...

OH gossh i need men like you!! I would do everything for you coz of what u just said.

Hi, <br />
<br />
I think here if you wanted to work out on your sexual relationship, you should not have said "if you don't take an action on this...". Intimacy is not about just sex. Intimacy is taming the mind and heart of another person, and, to tame someone in such a manner you should be patient yet compelling.One needs to work more on it than they expect.Words like " take an action " can leave leave him further high and dry.There are better terms that could have been used. Sex is more of a mental set up.If someone forces ones mind it is never gonna happen.<br />
I like you for being straight but being too straight neither works in relationships not at workplace.<br />
Apart from that, me being a married girl myself, if my husband would have said men can do a certain thing but women should not as it does not suit them it would also leave me fuming. Here I believe in parity because these rules are set by men.It shows one has had a chauvinistic upbringing.So in this respect you are not wrong in your way of thinking.<br />
<br />
Anyways, good luck for your future...

*hugs* thank you :)

Nice. So you're essentially telling Temptressempress that her approach was wrong. At least she TRIED to start a conversation. How many women just stuff it down and wait? And wait. And wait. Forever.

I noticed that the husband didn't ask what he could do. This relationship had other issues.

What did he finally say about that?

well I had dirty filty thoughts of other men but that never happend while I with him..I was pretty tough when dealing things of my loyalty.. Im now free of him but not for the reason to jump on other mens arms but to be myself...iam not ready...iam just enjoyng everything i have now...

There are times when two people just grow in life in separate directions. The the two people are no longer together in mind or body. No ones fault because the only thing in life you can count on is change. Sometimes that flow of life runs together and sometimes not. Then it becomes a division and when things are that divided it is in every-ones best interest to go separate ways. Because you will have a hard time going your own path when the trail changes course and you are tied to another moving down the path not chosen. Been there done that. It does work out way better go your own way peacefully. ;-)

This is true and I believe in what u say. :)


That hits me as very wise &amp; very true. I am at that stage in a long relationship that blessedly gave me the time to see myself and work out some of my insanities and
allow me to live and experience a more beautiful life. It is hard to go separate ways when what she has given me is priceless. Nevertheless I feel what you say is true. I think it will be for the best for all.

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Time to Man Up!

I think it is great that you are open to your husband and speaking about what's bothering you, however, you went too far telling him you will get sex somewhere else! Sorry, but no body likes to hear this and it was rude, it is exactly like you are telling him, I'm gonna cheat on you - You should have left it at the 8th line and just silence, he will think about it.

its good you had this candid conversation with him. Couples should always keep each other informed as to what they are feeling and desiring. Hopefully things inproved after that talk.

U are right!!! When I signed my marriage contract I also gave my total self to it including my dirty thoughts... I tell him if he looks good and if he done something great..Iam very appreciative to my sorroundings and to the people I love including my daughter and parents and sisters and friends...its a good practice

I am disappointed to see so many discouraging comments that would suggest you to dump a guy just because you were not getting enough sex. Then again I wonder how many of those people see a wounded fish ready to be taken in hook line and sinker. If you truly think you are soul mates then there has to be a lot of other good things going on in the relationship. Being a man, I am certainly not going to try to down play that sex is not a major thing in a relation, it is HUGE. However it is still only one single aspect of a relation. So again I ask, do you really think you are soul mates, or were this simply words spoken to gain attention to your plight? If these words are true then many other comments on here have suggested medical such as low testosterone. I will give one more, far more important thing to consider, his heart. This can also be a sign of high blood pressure problems as well as potential heart failure problems. I.E. Sudden Death Syndrome! Get him to a doctor.

thnx ..i didnt read ur comment though..i hate people who say thinngs and talk as if they knew me..sorryy but thnx anyway for dropping by.. God bless us all

Casandramaria, You may not believe this but extramarrital affairs keep my wife and I together. My wife loves me more than I thought possible. I love my wife, but I'm not in love with her. I'm not attracted to her physically. I stay because I know I could never find somebody who loves me so much. <br />
<br />
We almost divorced 15 years ago because I was unhappy. She made me an offer I couldn't refuse. I could do what I want as long as I don't leave her. My depression and feeling of being trapped left immediately. <br />
<br />
I waisted no time. I had a colleage at work who told me atleast once a week that she wished I wasn't married. We worked very closely on projects and we alone ofter all night. We worked the midnight shift in an office. She know I had filed for divorce and spending time with me outside of work although we never did anything improper. The next time she said that I kissed her and didn't stop. We made out for a few minutes until she stopped me and said she couldn't while I was still married. I told here what my wife offered me and if she was going to have me it was going to be as a married man. Then I kissed her again and she didn't stop me. We realized a steady relationship wouldn't work, she still wanted a husband and children. So we each led our own lives, but made time for each other until she got engaged. <br />
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The strangest thing was what my wife did. She got an unexpected benefit besides me not leaving. I was interested in sex at home. We went for making love oce a month to several times a week. Just like when we were first together. My wife also became very interested in the other woman. My wife liked to get together with her once a week or so. At first we were uneasy, we thought my wife had a hidden agenda. She never didn't anything but be cordial. She wanted to be her friend. I think my wife was just trying to find out what she did that turned me on. <br />
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It's been 10 years since I've seen or heard from my coworked. We both moved to different states. Me to Michigan her to Florida. I go out often and have tons of female friends. My wife always knows when I'm seing someone because I have a highted interest in her.

wow now this is what i want!! thank u and u got me...

Is it just me or is your wife totally fncked up??

Who values herself and allows this kind of nonsense? You must make a lot of money, honey. whatever works for ya.

Take your story over to the group "I live in a sexless marriage." <br />
<br />
They will take you seriously and not simply tell you to play games or buy him trinkets. <br />
<br />
You have a major problem on your hands, and it is not of your making.

I read somewhere that he eats a lot and is getting fatter and fatter... and that sex drive goes down... This is true... when a mans mid section thickens a lot of this is from visceral fat that surrounds the organs... this fat creates a hormone that drops testosterone levels... I've read studies that show that athletic men have very high testosterone levels well into old age.<br />
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Am I the only one that believes that when two people meet they have an obligation to try to stay in similar shape that they were when they met? There is sickness which isn't the persons fault.. but that is the only exception... I think.

He's a lucky guy to have a woman as honest and straight talking as you. You've got your needs and you've laid your cards on the table. You sound like an attractive sexy woman. You should have no problem finding someone to satisfy your needs.

finally someone got my main point..

I'm apparently in the minority here but I would never say to my my partner, "If you don't do XXXX I will get it elsewhere." That's not helpful. If he said that to you, I suspect you'd be on here posting how unfair that was and people would be backing you up. <br />
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If there is a problem (and there is because you are unhappy) with intimacy, have him go for a medical check up (I've seen other EPers say testosterone helped) and consider counseling. Threats never work; they create a negative, vicious cycle that will only backfire. If he is your soul mate, you both deserve more.

ok I like other opinions like this but I would just like u to know that Ive been trying to talk about this since on the 3rd year when I got married to him...
Its not the testosterone im talking about its on how he was treating me during sex.. hes just the opposite of me

It's not easy when partners are on different wave lengths sexually, I agree. I hope he is willing to consider counseling, because I give you a lot of credit for trying to address the topic with him. Not sure if he's done this, but I'd have him go to the doctor and run through some tests just to rule out any possible medical reason. A lot of people on EP have commented on taking testosterone and it being really helpful, so maybe that's one thing he can ask his doctor about too.

I'm with you... get what you need, from whomever you can.

wow thank you coach :D

You know,I thought I was the only person in this world going through this,its so bad for ,its like every womon I see its like I undress them,especially the ones I find attractive Ive got it bad,and I talked to my wife about this in the pass.

I have the same problem with my boyfriend. He wants to get married but I'm afarid that I will cheat on him if we do. I would not tell you to step outside of your marriage.. Maybe therapy, start working out together(he may be ashame of his weight,men have problems with extra pounds as well, see a md could be a condition causing his low sex drive). Personally, I tired **** tapes, role playing, offering to do his sickest, weirdest sex dream, **********, bdsm and till nothing. So bored. I hope you can find a way to connect with your husband before the damages of an affair creeps into your life.<br />
If you ever need to talk inbox me,<br />
best of luck saddenwolf.....<br />
l<br />
<br />

thank you for the wonderful advice.

If you are having sexual problems with him now, DO NOT get married! I made the mistake of thinking his sex drive would improve...we haven't had sex in four years!

It is always good to be honest with your partner. I hope that the two of you can work this out, so that you will not step outside your marriage. Sometimes marriages does not recovery from this. Try different things, go to therapy try everything before going to someone else to get satisfied.

yes i will.. thank you guys for the support even I dont know you personaly but this site makes me feel im surrounded by true people. thank you

Please go see a Dr. My husband has always wanted sex less than me, but still it was 2 or 3 times a week and I could handle that. When he changed jobs, things improved dramatically. And then we took on the stress of building a new house and moving. There was a lot of stress. When things finally calmed down, we both realized that something WASNT right. So we are waiting confirmation and more in depth tests right now, but it looks like his testosterone level is very low. 200. And while he thought it was just aging, our GP said that it was NOT normal. And thank god he did. I look forward to getting my husband back. I see a light at the end of the tunnel. For now, we are fairly open with each other. I told him that I miss mostly just the touching and cuddling, and he has made a CONSCIOUS effort to reach out to me. He's still not confident that his equipment will function when necessary....so the physical side is still on hold. But Im positive that with the right hormone therapy and positive interactions, he will regain his confidence. If you love your man....make sure and do some research. It is amazing to me all of the signs of Low T that he had...that we attributed to depression or his medications. Good luck.

Sounds like the conversations I've had with my husband many a times, yet, it never seems to change the situation. I am at such a loss at times, not knowing just where to turn. *sigh*

Unfortunate but true. Luckily, there are other aspects about our marriage that make it so I can't leave. So, I try to make up for the things I miss in other ways on my own. It's not easy, but for me, right now, it's necessary.

I understand...

yes I guess.. I told him many times too that I want to have a break..get myself back again..and be so far sitiing in front of the sea for like a week to regain strength and to think clearly..But he dosnt want me to go. Im trapped since Im with him and I dont have anybody to talk to like my friends from the place where I grew up. One thing is killing me is the idea of my imidiate family being so far from them..Iam really alone in this, its frustrating but what can i do i have to face it.

Reasons why I couldnt just leave its because hes a wonderful human being, a totaly good person, a loving father to our daughter and has a very calm persona.. and hes been here with me even to my worst.. I dont know, maybe im just the evil one.

No, you're not evil. We all have our needs and our cravings, It's a part of who we are, as human beings. And some of it feel it more than others. There's nothing evil about it, honey. It's just that they don't see it the way that we do. It's a big reason why I'm at the ocean park crying every morning before work. It's the only way I can release my feelings, aside from my writing. My pen and pad have been my best friends for a very long time, as I have no one here to talk to. All of my friends here are also friends of his, and they all see us as the perfect couple of 25 years. No one or nothing can split us up. What they don't see is that my heart is broken, crumbled up in several pieces, with very little hope of repair. *sigh* I'm sorry...

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Good for you, BUT !!, maybe he is experiencing problems and is ashamed to admit it to you. Men have this pride thing that clouds their brains and they become PROUD, STRONG AND REALLY DUMB.

He used to be so athletic and he was even a varsity in his university then when we got married hes just like to eat and eat and eat and sleep a lot then goes to work and eat then hes getting fatter and heavier. I did some reserch that if you get fat your sexual drive will go down to the level of your toes..oh well I think its one thing..

Hopefully he can still see his toes?

You probably over ran him they always run to the fridge after great sex.

He's depressed and not dealing. I put on some pounds that way, have slowly been working them off.

You might consider something on the side, it's better than leaving. No it's not perfect, but if you're like me, you'll find you love the one you're with even more.

And you needn't tell him or rub his face in it. He's probably already embarrassed and ashamed at some level. He needs acceptance and support, and you need your needs met. This is no longer about being right, it's about being happy.

I'm married for 15 years (yesterday) and we have maybe ones sex a month. I love to have sex at least ones a day. but when she starts to get fat not only her drive was going down but also my drive was going down to have sex whit her.

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