Confessions Of A Single Woman.

This is so not me, telling the world about my frustrations but here goes. I have never had a boyfriend since birth, never been kissed nor touched. I have always been fine with it. I have always felt like the love of my family and friends are enough. But when I turned 23, I felt like the need to be loved emotionally and physically by an opposite sex just grew stronger. On days like these (PMS and rainy days), I just feel depressed and desperate. I blame the hormones.

My friends all gush about boyfriend experiences/dates, and I am left with nothing to tell. One cousin of mine knew I never had a boyfriend and reacted like it's impossible, and gives me a whats-wrong-with-you stare. In my mind, I roll my eyes and I think... can I just say fcuk.

I don't really mind their reactions/ opinions. I'm usually ok with it, but it has become undeniable that this is something I can't ignore. But what's a girl to do? I hate dates. In fact, I have never gone out on a date. And all my guy friends are taken. So yeah. I log in to EP to rant, because I don't make the effort to reach out and then feel sorry for myself for being desperate and depressed. I guess I really am f'd up. :-/

Update: When I wrote this, I was feeling f'd up. I had PMS. I felt all emotional.
Now, the negativity has subsided and I am able to take every comment/opinion/question in a positive light and with an open mind. Just sharing.
thissillyatom thissillyatom
22-25, F
7 Responses Jul 30, 2012

I'm a guy and didn't have sex till 22. She became my wife and we have 2 kids w/another on the way. You should not feel bad. We just have not bowed to the degredation of society. You should be proud you are who you are.

Good for you! =)

"We just have not bowed to the degredation of society." - Good point here. I'll remember that. Thank you.

I had my first kiss at 22 and first sex at 23. Don't worry about it too much. Just be open.

That's good to hear. Thank you.

You don't like dates because what you're really afraid of is being "vulnerable." That is, exposed to risking your emotions.<br />
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Until you are willing to put yourself in positions of vulnerability you will continue to be single, unloved, lonely and miserable. That is something I can promise you.<br />
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It is impossible to feel love, connection, and closeness to another person when you're unwilling to be vulnerable.<br />
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What is more valuable to you? The delusion of safety that comes from emotional isolation? Or the risk of opening up yourself to strangers?

I get your point. But you just validated my feelings with this comment of yours. And it's not something that could easily be let go. I need to fix that about myself.
Your questions are worth pondering (questions that I have been pondering, actually). Thank you.

How can you know you hate dates if you've never been on one?

You have a good point. I guess I worded it wrongly. I am uncomfortable with the idea of dating people I do not really know (I prefer dating friends, who I know inside out). I think... guys only tend to put their best foot forward on dates.
But of course, I could be wrong.

Here goes... I too was in a similar situation and my sister suggested something 3 years ago which at the time, I thought was really off the wall,.....cosmic ordering. Yes I've said it and I've conjured up enough willpower to tell you this, but I was open-minded and willing to give it a try, as I'd done the internet dating and hadn't met a decent bloke - so consider cosmic ordering a boyfriend. But with the right intention it can and does work but patience is needed on your part and it may mean having quite a bit of patience!!<br />
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So what you do is write down in a letter addressed to 'Dear Universe' all the qualities that you'd love in a partner. For instance, a kind, lovely man, solvent, likes to have interesting conversations, considerate, has similar beliefs to mine or is open-minded....etc. <br />
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SO you write down all the finite details and DO NOT write the characteristics you do not want in a person - instead, write the opposite to that. So you wouldn't write; I don't want a man who is selfish - instead you'd write, [your name] would like a considerate man. Makes sense? Also I'd advise against writing what exact hair, eye colour etc, this ideal person must have ....the cosmos knows better and will deliver accordingly.<br />
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Also write about yourself in the 3rd person, e.g. <br />
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Dear Universe<br />
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Mydesperatealterego (replace with whatever your real name is) would like to find a of 25-35 years....etc<br />
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Write and re-write the letter until you are satisfied with the contents, in something that is realistic. Then write a final clean version. Also, do not forget to sign off the letter with: ' With love, thanks and gratitude [your name (mydesperatealterego)]'<br />
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(you can date the letter if you choose to - it's optional.)<br />
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Put the letter in an envelope, leave it in a draw you hardly go into and FORGET about it - and I mean this. Don't mope on it and keep yourself from going back to the letter and wondering - this will slow down the whole process. To help this along, go and join a salsa/swing/modern dancing classes, an evening class of sorts or some other hobby where you can meet new people and get on with your life. Then let the 'flower' of life unfold. I hope this helps.<br />
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P.S. Do not try to 'cosmic order' someone else's boyfriend, or a particular person who you think you'd like and you've seen around your social circle - let the cosmos do the work for you and you'll be surprised at the results - only if you are patient. Finally, you may ask 'how long would I need to wait?' Well, that's like asking how long is a piece of string. Again, as I've said previously, you'll just have to be patient.<br />
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P.P.S. Check out Stephen Richards CD's and books on the subject.

Oh, this is new. It would be sort of weird doing it. But I'll give this a try ;-) And don't worry I won't be cosmic ordering someone who is taken. LOL

P.S. How did it turn out for you? =) Or are you still patiently waiting?

I got my order in about 6 months from writing the letter. My sister had to wait 1 year. That's what I mean about the time period.

Oh. Good for you then =D

I also forgot to mention, that if you are relaxed and not stressed out about a letter, things a bit smoother. Good luck in whatever method you've chosen!! ;o)

Noted. ;-)

2 More Responses

It's silly that people sometimes feel confused when they see someone who doesn't uphold same social routine as them. We all need someone to cuddle with, but perhaps there is more that missing? Don't look at others, follow your own heart. If you're true to yourself, everything is gonna be fine.<br />
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But maybe boy and girl hearts are different, so I might be completely wrong here D:

You are right, I have to sort things out myself. I think I have underlying issues. It's complicated. But I can solve my complicated. I'll try.

I was never a dater myself. I really only met people through activities that I was involved in,and got to know them and became closer over time. Before I knew it, I was dating someone.

Good for you =)