Addicted...I think I'm addicted to physical contact. And not necessarily sexual contact, but just adoring affection when in a relationship. When I am in a relationship, I just want to hold and touch my partner all the time. I can't get enough of holding hands and hugging and cuddling and snuggling and all that good stuff. I am jealous with my partner and I want her to be just mine. I think that if ever I got married, I wouldn't want kids because I want to give myself all to my wife, and I want her all to myself. I know this sounds bad, but maybe there is a woman out there who thinks like me. Who just wants to spend all her time with me and hold me all the time. Someone who doesn't mind just being together, quietly and not doing anything, just content relaxing and enjoying each others company. I don't know that it ever will, because I feel like as the relationship moves forward, life gets in the way and my girlfriends don't want to be with me all the time. I don't know......I just know that in each of my past relationships, I have always gotten to a point after 6 or so months where the physical side starts to die down, and then I start freaking out (in my head) because I don't want it to stop, and so then I leave the relationship. It has been the same thing every time. I don't know if I just haven't met the right woman, or if it is impossible to have what I want. I feel like half of what I'm writing at the moment doesn't even make sense anyway. I just wish that I could find a woman who gets me. A woman who wants the same things that I want. A woman who puts me first in her life. I'm done looking at the moment I can tell you that. That way, I can be jealous with myself and all my time. Sure I'm missing out on what I truly want, but I will just have to learn to live with it. Life will go on and we'll see what the future holds.
UPDATE; December 7th, 2012: Get rid of the "I think" at the beginning.
itsallaparadox 26-30, M 6 Responses 1 Jul 30, 2012