Missing His Touch

I have been married for 8 yrs and the one thing I want more than anything from him is affection. I want to be hugged, kissed, and just plain touched without having to fight, beg or plead. He flat out refuses says he doesn't have time or I'm pushing him away because I bring up this issue. I tell him that all he has to do is give me the above and I'll be happy but no he won't. I don't know what to do and I don't believe in cheating but its to the point that its he either tries to work on it or I just need to go. Any advice?
iamcrazy365 iamcrazy365
31-35, F
4 Responses Aug 7, 2012

its to the point that its he either tries to work on it or I just need to go.<br />
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Do this in writing. Some are def and the written word manages to get through. End it with no response means your finished. Just pack and leave. Either you are in or out. At least get to the table to chat a bit about this by this (what ever day you want). I will give you my decision on XX/XX/XXXX date. A time limit at least informs you if he is in the game or not.

See an attorney first. Prepare papers for if he will not go to the table.

thank you!! I will defiantly take that advice.

Your welcome. it is meant in good spirit.

He works 3rd shift and I work days. In April 19th our wedding anniversary he said he wanted a divorce and I did not beg or plead him to stay. Then the following Saturday he said he wanted to work on us and confused that he had been talking to another woman at work and he had planned on leaving me for her but changed his mind. Apparently she was sending him pictures of her girlie parts and asked him to go to a hotel with her. He swears up and down it did not go that far. Intimacy has always lacked on his end starting a year no 6 myths after being married. I'm sorry I like to cuddle and hold each other and so for exactly 2 weeks after he said he wanted us to work he stopped working on the one thing I wanted for him. He's back to his old ways and when I address the issue he says I'm imagining things and if I don't stop nagging he'll leave. He threatens me with divorce so much now that the last time he said it I asked him where the papers were. I feel like a complete idiot for staying and I keep falling for his " I love you and want it to work and I don't mean what I say when I'm mad" he says it every time he's mad so how does he not mean it!! I'm so frustrated and lost and confused :(

Psssh..he's cheating on you. He sounds like he wants to leave you but is scared of taking a financial hit. The lack of intimacy is either due to him being too worn out from old girl to get with you or hes promised her not to sleep with you. Either way, if you want to save your relationship, you better get at that other woman because right now she's running the show

How long has this been going on? What do you fight about? Does he work late? What does he do when he gets home? Its hard to give advice with out knowing the story.

I have a friend who is in a similar situation.. her partner doesn't like doing anything romantic or affectionate for her and doesn't even believe in marriage. She's really unhappy and wants to end the relationship. <br />
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I dont know, i personally believe in trying to make marriages work, but i also believe that life's too short to be unhappy and trying to change someone who just wont. Its a tough decision.. i hope things work out for you.

It feels so good to let my feelings out and not being belittled. I try everyday to work on this marriage but its like I'm the only one trying. I feel like I'm beating my head against a brick wall

And you are, but theirs an underlying issue, you just have to find it!!

Brick wall? Use a pillow. It doesn't hurt. Might even start a pillow fight. ;-)

It takes two to have a relationship. Stop shopping at the hardware store for a loaf of bread - you'll never find it. You deserve happiness. Take care of yourself. Do nice things for yourself. Is there a hurry to make the decision? If there is no hurry, (i.e. you are safe) pray, focus on yourself and be patient. God has a plan for you. It may or may not include this man, but you can be happy anyway.

Thank you Michelle585. I am focusing on me and letting the cards fall where they may

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