Admission Of Guilt

It's true. Normally, I'd never say so out loud...but hey, this is EP, right?  If not here, then where?

I have lots of friends.  Get hugs pretty much every day.  My sons are affectionate.  

I'm not unhappy being single...that whole marriage thing was a ride I wouldn't want to repeat in that same way.  It was sexless for over a decade.  I never assumed I'd get single and ramp it up...I knew there would be a time for me to reconnect, dallying...time to get clear with myself, hopes and dreams, et al.

I didn't, though, imagine that I'd go from there ever after into that same lack of intimacy.  I crave it.  Have craved that closeness for what seems like forever.  I also know it can not happen meaninglessly.  

Dunno...maybe I've set expectations too high.  I thought for a few minutes that I had met that special guy...once or twice (fine, MAYBE thrice).  I am clear that no amount of "online" bait/hook will ever take the place of the touch of a lover.  Maybe, like my friends say, I have to expand my life circle if I hope to ever meet "my" man.  Whatever the requirements...I'd meet them if I knew how it all works.

Ok...boil it down:  

I remember, I met a Genie once.

Genie:  Would you choose to have love, or to lose all of your memory?  
Me:  I choose love, most certainly.  
You:  Result?
Me:  I remember, I met a Genie once.
simplygirl simplygirl
46-50, F
15 Responses Feb 2, 2013

Since my wife banned sex 27 years ago I have also craved physical contact. Never "strayed" but honestly wish I had. PLEASE ADD ME

did you Say Banned sex :( oommgggggg noooo how could she ,why would u let her :( you Poor man :(

She had her reasons which I couldn't argue against. I might even write the story about it for all to see.

is the ban still on ?? ;-(((

lol, like the way you wright.

I'm Definitely Feeling This!!!!

I really do hear you. Some days it is a bit also makes me care more about other singles around me. When have I received my last hug? When have they? I am still in the scared-to-death phase of thinking about sexual intimacy, but good old-fashioned affection would be soooo nice. Hang in there--you are amazing and I am sorry you are still waiting for Mr. Amazing. XOXO

Sometimes marriage could be a paradox regarding to the love and sex.I think I'm still too young to get married.Marriage means a lot, right?

After 40 years of marrage I do enjoy the peace and quiet of living alone. I do enjoy female company from time to time but don't crave it.

You're young enough to have another go. Expand your horizons alittle, I like you probbably set my standards alittle too high and have missed out on a couple of great ladies along the way.

Good luck in your pursuit of happiness! It can be elusive... :-)

No wait...I have happiness...I just wrote this about feeling as though I'd like to share it with my own special someone. Thanks for the wishes. I'll take all I can get :)

Oh you know what? My bad! It says crave physical contact, not seek happiness! ;-)

:) Devil's in the details, lol.

Now you know why I like details... ;-)

Oooh...admission of Devilish things?

I think you need to see the group that was made in my honor! LOL The polls I have made will give you all the devil you could ever want. ;-)

*runs over to peek*

Peekers are always welcome! ;-)

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I have to say i dont understand the sexless marriage thing what is wrong with a man like that? Im glad you made it through and I love the geneie thing!..

I understand. He struggled with himself and I could not help. I could describe, but it doesn't honor the man, and wouldn't make the time feel any different. So I smile bittersweet, shake hands, move forward.

Glad you enjoy the genie :)

Thanks, the geneie thing was cute... ;)

Looking for your man is possibly where you've erred... feeling for him might yield pleasing results. I can't really talk, I'm involuntarily celibate. :)

Hahaha. Good point. *Closes eyes and runs into the wall.* Does this black eye go with my outfit?

*stifles a gigglesnort* Fabulous. You know what I mean, right. The heart string tug, the feeling you don't expect.

I do know what you mean. That certainly doesn't happen every day. But I love it when it does. Good luck ending that celibacy streak :)

Hmmm, thanks but it's just not happening because all of my friends (all 4 of them in personal space) see me as a confidant and nothing more.

SEE? That's what I mean. I'm a great friend to men. Just none that I share that "thing" with. It's really ok, because, like I said in my story, I will hold out for the real thing. Counterfeit or temporary is so not interesting.

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The trick is not to look for "your" man, just meet people doing things you enjoy doing and let nature take its course, and if you don't meet "him" at least you had some good times with members of the opposite sex. Or in more simplier terms "casual sex is not a crime"

I understand, yet, it's not just sex that I crave. Most woman can get that any time they snap their fingers. It's the real deal that I miss. You are right, I can't just seek and find that, it will happen naturallly...or not.

I can relate to this simplygirl, I have also had a marriage so very similar. As with you, I would choose the love and intimacy.

For me it's been three years now and the bedroom seems so cold I sometimes wonder if a turkey is defrosting on the other side of the bed instead of my W sleeping. But the Genie quote gave me a good laugh. Thanks

I get where you're coming from - my story isn't too different.

But when I read the Genie story, I thought it said "...have love, or lose all of your MONEY" and my reaction was "well, you're going to lose all your money either way, so you might as well have love"

Ha! That changes everything, lol. Too bad you have to feel this way, though. It kinda sucks.

Those bloody genies,love will find you and when it comes make sure you reconise it but it will come x

Thanks. I'll keep my eyes peeled. I think most single people do that, unless they've become jaded, which is even more sad, I think.

Wow, I understand this too - so well. I remember! But the yearning can make you compromise your you so easily, and read as desperation

Ah, see, I won't read desperate. Because I'm not (yet). But one adventure I have on my bucket list is that real deal, in all its grandeur. When it presents, I hope I am ready.

You re probably too interesting to ever read as desperate but it's as well to watch out for it

Yeah. Thanks for that word! Ah, maybe I don't know myself as well as I imagine. Thing is, I have a small world and don't meet too many new people. Not on purpose, but work, responsibilities,'s just kind of what is. I do interesting things for myself, yet can't remember the last time I met someone in real life that made me feel like I might be coming off as "desperate", because I simply don't often meet new people.

If you want to expand your chances to meet new people, try meetup,com - it's not a dating site, but rather a way for people to use the internet to coordinate real-world activities. What sort of activities, you may be wondering? Well, pretty much anything you can imagine (and maybe even a few you can't)... from pottery to hiking to sports to divorce support groups to... anything. If you don't see a group that caters to your interests, start one. Or try something outside your normal comfort zone.

I'm sure people sometimes find that special someone via meetup, even though that's not really the purpose of the website - but even if you don't meet someone special, the worst case is you'll make some new friends. I've made lots of good friends that way, and I've never met anyone who wasn't friendly to newcomers.

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