I Am Craving Physical Contact

11 Years And Counting

By: Rennn

Written on February 6th, 2013

I've never had intimate or sexual contact with anyone, but it's even been 11 years since I touched anyone at all. I can't believe it's been that long, but day after day, I'm alone. I don't let people bump me or shake my hand. The days, weeks, and years add up. I want to be touched so badly, my body aches when I think about it. I want to hold a girl and be held by her more than anything. I'm guessing people are going to assume that I'm yet another lonely, sex obsessed guy on the internet. I suppose, objectively, they'd be right. This isn't about sex at all though. It's about hugging, or cuddling.

I'm scared of contact. It makes me feel uncomfortable and violated. My emotions regarding it are repressed, but I want it so badly.

By: Rennn

Age: 18-21 , Male

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25 responses

unconqueredd

Don't feel bad. Your time will come but I think it is more wonderful if you will make a little effort for it to come. Who knows :) All the luck!

Apr 30
1 like
EmptyNight

My mom had told me that people need at least eight physical touches a day, to help them feel more intact and connected with the world. :)

Apr 5
1 like
- Rennn
  That would make sense, given that humans are generally very social.
  
  Apr 5
  1 like
- EmptyNight
  Except for the weird ones... like me. :l
  
  Apr 5
  1 like
- Rennn
  Hollow as it might sound coming from someone who hasn't touched anyone in a decade (lol?), it'll get better. :)
  Even I'm slowly getting more confident, and I think you're further ahead than I was at 13-15.
  
  Apr 6
  1 like
- EmptyNight
  Maybe, I tend to keep to myself. I get uncomfortable if touched out side my family, but I'm glad I don't have to stress about bullying. Home Schooled :)
  
  Apr 6
  1 like
1 More Reply
winstonwelles

Wow, that must hurt. Could you afford to see a therapist about it?
How do you manage things like getting your hair cut?

Apr 2
1 like
ThaFacialHair

I wish to help you but im not sure how other then to tell you that not everyone is out to hurt you.

Feb 27
2 likes
- Rennn
  I know... My subconscious refuses to listen to reason though.
  
  Feb 27
  1 like
- ThaFacialHair
  That is very common and i am no expert but i have lived on this planet for some years and many times you need to push your subconscious aside and stride forward. But im not here to push you, proceed at your own pace, i would just like you too know that im here for you to talk too, as i have friends who have problems and one in particular whos is very similar to yours. He found a hobby that forces him to physically interact with people to help him through it.
  
  Feb 27
  1 like
fun41

your gonna make me cry. why are afraid?

Feb 25
1 like
- Rennn
  I just haven't had good contact with people. I've either been hit, shoved, or avoided. I haven't been touched since I was hit, actually, so that's one of the last memories I have of it.
  
  Feb 25
  1 like
- fun41
  You need to get touched in whatever way doesn't matter. But you cannot allow that bad experience to stop you from enjoying new good experiences. A life with no contact can't be very happy.
  
  Feb 25
  1 like
- Rennn
  It's really not, so I'm changing it. :)
  I'll reverse this damage.
  
  Feb 25
  1 like
- fun41
  That is so awesome! I love to see people taking control of their lives for the better good for you. I read your circle thingy and you're really interesting if you're ever bored you could message me just saying lol Have a good night
  
  Feb 26
  1 like
1 More Reply
chaoticsoul

The thought of going 11 years without a hug is (in itself) almost unbearable to me. I couldn't go 11days without a hug. I work with the elderly and I hug them often, just to see them smile.
So, here, for you, a huge cyber hug. The love without that pesky human contact.

Feb 17
2 likes
Dragon3lf

I know what you mean when you say you feel uncomfortable and violated on contact. I am like that sometimes.

Feb 17
1 like
Squeekarose

Normally I would b like what the **** but in ur case I'm gonna say that's probably a good idea that u stay away from kids if for no other reason then kids like to hug and say I luv u for no reason other then they want everyone to b as happy as they are !!! I send u a congrats cause most wouldn't have the balls to say it cause it was the truth cause that coulda sparked a great discussion but the problem is that most do t ever want it written somewhere how much they dislike kids or whatever their problem is, most have issues cause the neighbors coulda thought something lol the operative word being coulda lol lol lol I swear keeping up with jones lol give me a headache lol lol

Feb 6
1 like
Squeekarose

U seem so young to have such a horrible thing happen in ur life that u can't tolerate someone love touch or affection?? I guess things I don't understand or don't have a solid answer for I get kinda weirded out myself lol, so forgive me as I try to wrap my head around how horrible it must b for u!! I do feel terrible that u carry all this burden, and what about children? Would u not accept affection from a child? Lets say u get past these issues and ur woman gets pregnant and when she ha the child would u stil have the same fears? Obviously not in a sexual way but I mean just contact in any form...

Feb 6
1 like
- Rennn
  I hate children generally. I don't like looking at them, and I hate talking to them. They remind me way too much of myself when I was that age.
  
  Feb 6
  1 like
- Rennn
  Okay, that's not really true. I don't hate children. I know they didn't do anything to deserve hate, that was cruel of me. But I can't look at them.
  
  Feb 6
  1 like
Squeekarose

Is this a medical thing? Is this something ur willing to work on cause I hate to state the obvious but u only get one shot at this life and 11 years and counting is a long time to go without support, compassion, understanding, affection, and mayb even some foreplay lol lol I'm just saying if your leading that kind of life your not living babe cause u obviously want human contact and something is preventing that? What am I missing!?? Something is going on that has u scared and anxious all at the same time and that would make my blood pressure sky rocket lol lol lol let me k ow if u think I can help in anyway ok dear

Feb 6
1 like
- Rennn
  My therapist keeps telling me it sounds like I have some kind of traumatic experience in the past, but I don't think I do... :|
  
  Feb 6
  1 like
- Triundi
  I hugged my therapist all the time. You should get a new one.
  
  Feb 25
  1 like
DavidCroche

We are in almost exactly the same position, except I'm 25, and I've felt like this for the last 5 years. Do you go out much? Deal with your issues, I'm evidence they don't go away.
I've had one passionate fling in the past 5 years which lasted a few months (could have never worked) with a woman much older (36). Believe me, when you do finally unleash all this passion, the ladies will feel it. At least you're not suppressing your emotions like most men.
I can't relate to your insecurities about touching, though. That sounds quite serious. On this all I can suggest is you make a point to be more warm with people. Shake hands, hug your closest. Either way, I don't think it matters. You remove one insecurity at is replaced by another. You need to address the source of your insecurities.
If you're lonely, go out more! Believe me, I know this is easier said than done. But just do it. You might spend the next 5 years of your life as lonely and insecure and socially anxious as I've been.
Start being your own best friend. Understand that your thoughts are not you, they are tools. You are the person behind your thoughts, and only you can make yourself feel bad (psychologically). So stop using your thoughts to beat yourself up and wallow in self-pity. Use them for something constructive, and be on watch. When you see yourself being negative, stop, replace it with something more positive. This *will* change the way you think. It has helped me tremendously in escaping this trap of compulsive thinking and negative self-talk.

Feb 6
4 likes

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