11 Years And Counting

I've never had intimate or sexual contact with anyone, but it's even been 11 years since I touched anyone at all. I can't believe it's been that long, but day after day, I'm alone. I don't let people bump me or shake my hand. The days, weeks, and years add up. I want to be touched so badly, my body aches when I think about it. I want to hold a girl and be held by her more than anything. I'm guessing people are going to assume that I'm yet another lonely, sex obsessed guy on the internet. I suppose, objectively, they'd be right. This isn't about sex at all though. It's about hugging, or cuddling.

I'm scared of contact. It makes me feel uncomfortable and violated. My emotions regarding it are repressed, but I want it so badly.

Rennn Rennn
22-25, M
9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

I would say start at a comfortable pace but eventually have someone that will force contact with you through the day every day. I think once your mind sub conscious is able to snyc with your conscious self's like of contact with other people the phobia will go. But it's importent to have a trusted person able to steadily force you out of your confort zone.

I'm curious are you a sexual guy or an asexual?
Do you really want to have sex or just enjoying a companionship?

I do want to have sex at some point, but it's not a priority. It's also not the action referenced in this experience. A far greater priority is companionship and hugging/cuddling. Erm... Now I'm uncomfortable. It's normal to be uncomfortable about saying that, right?

Well,sex is getting too over rated this days.Too many *****(men or women).I'm afraid if you do manage to have sex,the girl might be only be interesting for a fling not a meaningful relationship.You have too remember a lot of women these days are not hesitated to drop off their mate if the next man with better sexual skills comes along.It seems to me your only hope for meaningful relationship is to find an asexual girl.At least there there is a low chance she would cheat on you,there is no stress if you're unable to perform..

I have considered that. It does seem like a good option, but I don't think I would be willing to go without sex for the rest of my life, and I wouldn't feel right asking for it from someone who doesn't find it appealing. It might work well for a few years, perhaps longer, but ultimately there would probably be too much sacrifice involved.

Just consider this as a temporary solution..Be clear of what you want if you do find yourself a potential partner.Sex can be very fulfilling but life would be less complicated if you living celibate.Do not forget a lot of girls today are very sexualised,more picky about choosing their sex partners,more likely to move on to the next guy if they are not impressed with the 'performance'.I'm just afraid you might feel pressure from it.Besides I know plenty of single guys who survives on ************ alone.Too intimidated to approach a girl.It seems the only girls who are less likely to stress about sex are the asexuals.They are more 'safe'.I even knew some girls who choose to date asexual or gay guys because they feel more secured,the asexual guys less likely to cheat,the gay guys tend to be more sensitive etc.They just know where to look for...

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If it makes you uncomfortable, why do you want it? :). However uneasy it makes you, you have to follow up this line of thought.......

My mom had told me that people need at least eight physical touches a day, to help them feel more intact and connected with the world. :)

That would make sense, given that humans are generally very social.

Except for the weird ones... like me. :l

Hollow as it might sound coming from someone who hasn't touched anyone in a decade (lol?), it'll get better. :)
Even I'm slowly getting more confident, and I think you're further ahead than I was at 13-15.

Maybe, I tend to keep to myself. I get uncomfortable if touched out side my family, but I'm glad I don't have to stress about bullying. Home Schooled :)

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Wow, that must hurt. Could you afford to see a therapist about it?

How do you manage things like getting your hair cut?

I wish to help you but im not sure how other then to tell you that not everyone is out to hurt you.

I know... My subconscious refuses to listen to reason though.

That is very common and i am no expert but i have lived on this planet for some years and many times you need to push your subconscious aside and stride forward. But im not here to push you, proceed at your own pace, i would just like you too know that im here for you to talk too, as i have friends who have problems and one in particular whos is very similar to yours. He found a hobby that forces him to physically interact with people to help him through it.

your gonna make me cry. why are afraid?

I just haven't had good contact with people. I've either been hit, shoved, or avoided. I haven't been touched since I was hit, actually, so that's one of the last memories I have of it.

Just an idea. Take up the study of Aikido. It s peace oriented and conflict-resolution oriented. You ll make great friends, learn to protect yourself, and be touching people s arms all the time. You ll be able to see by looking by looking at faces that some folx feel like you do but are struggling on. I strongly recommend this. And it s usually not that costly.

You need to get touched in whatever way doesn't matter. But you cannot allow that bad experience to stop you from enjoying new good experiences. A life with no contact can't be very happy.

It's really not, so I'm changing it. :)
I'll reverse this damage.

That is so awesome! I love to see people taking control of their lives for the better good for you. I read your circle thingy and you're really interesting if you're ever bored you could message me just saying lol Have a good night

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The thought of going 11 years without a hug is (in itself) almost unbearable to me. I couldn't go 11days without a hug. I work with the elderly and I hug them often, just to see them smile.
So, here, for you, a huge cyber hug. The love without that pesky human contact.

We are in almost exactly the same position, except I'm 25, and I've felt like this for the last 5 years. Do you go out much? Deal with your issues, I'm evidence they don't go away.

I've had one passionate fling in the past 5 years which lasted a few months (could have never worked) with a woman much older (36). Believe me, when you do finally unleash all this passion, the ladies will feel it. At least you're not suppressing your emotions like most men.

I can't relate to your insecurities about touching, though. That sounds quite serious. On this all I can suggest is you make a point to be more warm with people. Shake hands, hug your closest. Either way, I don't think it matters. You remove one insecurity at is replaced by another. You need to address the source of your insecurities.

If you're lonely, go out more! Believe me, I know this is easier said than done. But just do it. You might spend the next 5 years of your life as lonely and insecure and socially anxious as I've been.

Start being your own best friend. Understand that your thoughts are not you, they are tools. You are the person behind your thoughts, and only you can make yourself feel bad (psychologically). So stop using your thoughts to beat yourself up and wallow in self-pity. Use them for something constructive, and be on watch. When you see yourself being negative, stop, replace it with something more positive. This *will* change the way you think. It has helped me tremendously in escaping this trap of compulsive thinking and negative self-talk.